He was my best friend for 11 years and I was in a relationship with him for 1 year before I got pregnant. He left me when I was 11weeks pregnant because he said he didn't know what to do. I had a bad pregnancy and even worse labour. Now my son is 12 weeks old and his father has still not held him and I just want my baby to have a father to look up to. I'm an emotional wreck with post natal depression so it is not helping with the situation.
I still love the father even though he has never been there for me or my son. What do I do???
2007-01-09 11:02:30 · 19 answers · asked by Angels are everywhere! 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It is hard to deal with a situation like that but experience wise with someone close to me is that it's not the baby's lost, it's the fathers lost there are just some jerks that don't know how to be fathers! Remember they say anyone can be a dad but nobody could ever take a place of a mother. Trust me your love feeling will start fading once you are able to see what a jerk he really is! You need to be strong minded and independent like my grandma always use to say NEVER depend on a man if you have a good one dont' let him go, if you don't have one you don't need one everything will start falling in to place when your time comes!
2007-01-09 11:54:12 · answer #1 · answered by adri012980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best you can hope for is financial support. He is not capable of any more by what you say. Sorry - you can be the best woman in the world and not change a man - what you can do is be a great mom to your son. He needs YOU. Take the "father" to court for child support - take good care of yourself and join a single parents club. You can do this and no kid needs a jerk for a dad. Maybe one day you will meet the right guy and he will be the husband you deserve and the father your son can look up to. Don't count on a guy who walked out on you pregnant to be anything more than maybe someone who buys the diapers and occasional t-shirt. Really I am sorry for your situation but you need to pull together for your sin-be a good and loving man and tell the guy if he won't be a father the least he can do is take financial responsibility. Good Luck!
2007-01-09 19:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by Walking on Sunshine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for sole custody of the baby. If the SOB wants to be a part of the baby's life, he will take care of his responsibilities. If not, then you will have custody and you don't need to worry about him deciding he wants the baby instead of letting you raise him. Either way it will push him into a decision and you can move on. Though you may love him you need to realize that your responsibility is to your son. If your child's father can hurt you after years of being friends, just imagine what emotional pain he will cause your son. The best Mothers come from women who protect their children no matter what. Everytime you feel yourself come to an emotional crossroads just ask yourself what kind of Mother you want to be. You may want a father for your son, but unfortunately his father may not be the best choice. A child grows up to be his parents. Remember all the pain this man is causing you and your son and imagine your son doing that to another woman and your grandchild.
2007-01-09 19:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by lilacdelight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him come to you - I know it is hard to be alone in raising a child I did it and my daughter was about 8-9 months before her father came around and it took almost 1 year after that for him to really be involved.
Right now he doesn't know what to do, he is probably going through a lot, if you have known him for as long as you have he MUST be a good guy, there fore give him some space right now and he will do the right thing and come to you
If you demand to much you will push him away and if you want to guilt him about being alone you will push him away - the thing he needs to hear from you is that you understand and are just as scared but ultimately you decided to have this child and as a mother it is YOUR responsibility with or without him - If you understand that it will make it easier to respect and understand and want to be a part of the situation because he doesn't feel forced.
Hang in there - this is just the beginning.
Thanks
D
2007-01-09 19:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by Dianna R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey he is probably scared out of his wits,but hat does not give him any excuse to bail on you and your son. To be totally honest with you, now is the time to realize what you do have which is a beautiful baby boy. He needs you more than anything right now. I know you may love his father but right now the most important thing in your life is taking care of that baby and making a life for you and him. If his father doesnt want anything to do with him, he is the one missing out. I know you want him to have a father but you want him to have a father that is going to be a ongoing part of his life, not one that walks in and out of his life. I can bet you are a beatiful girl and that there are plenty of men that would not mind being with you just because you have a child. Good luck and I wish you well.
2007-01-09 19:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by Katrina R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your chasing everything your son shouldn't be
talk to the guy about this first - don't be soft with him, really let him know who he brought in the world and let him know his responsibility
then I'd say if you have depression - treat that and talk to a psychologist - I think that would help more than yahoo answers
then be strong and find the right man for yourself
don't worry about the boy having a father because if your a good mother he will be fine but if your depressed and running around looking for guys that might effect him
2007-01-09 19:15:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a father for you baby to look up to, you really shouldn't have it be his father... he took off on you at 11 weeks. Is that really the example you want to set for your son? With that aside... have you tried talking to his father about the situation? Try that... get a feel of things, and go from there!
2007-01-09 19:09:24 · answer #7 · answered by Kera Marie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son needs his father no doubt. However, you need to take care of you and baby boy! Right now you should surround yourself with friends and family who love you and your child. Please don't spend time (that should be spent on your son) chasing the Ex and attempting to get him to love you.
(Do let the father know that you expect him to help you. Make it plain for him. If he can't do it on his own, then he will be visited by the Child Support Fairy)
2007-01-09 19:45:21 · answer #8 · answered by lilbitt_637 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to others about your feelings, and give and concentrate all your love on your new baby. The first year is extremely important, and babies connect with the mother's feelings. Doesn't sound like he's ready for fatherhood or responsible. That's not good for you or your baby. Talk to a therapist, seriously. Good luck, sorry to hear your situation.
2007-01-09 19:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to him about it. Maybe he was just scared. If he still doesn't want anything to do with the baby then that's his loss. He will lose you and that wonderful baby. You can't make be a father if they don't want to. Just try to get some help for yourself and when your ready, if he still doesn't want to be around the baby, file for child support.
2007-01-09 19:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by dmstanley02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋