Help! Serious answers only!?

Question

My boyfriend and I got into a serious argument today. It all started when he had a conversation about our finances with his parents. (my boyfriend and I live together) They have lent us some money over the past week, apprx $100. My b/f just finished up school, and I am the only one working right now. I don't make that much money and we have had to struggle to make ends meet. My boyfriends parents seem to think that our spending habits are really bad, and they think it's my fault. I do not spend money on anything other than food, gas, & cigs. We occasionally go out to eat, but not that much. His parents seem to be old fashioned and think I should be taking lunch to work everyday, cutting coupons, and basically staying in instead of going out. I personally think this is unreasonable, as I am 21 yrs old! The also said a few things to him about me and my family that really hurt. I don't understand why they are doing this? Am I right or wrong? This is causing problems with our relationship.

Answer 1

Instead of discussing your financial problems with your bf's parents, has he thought of getting a part time job? I know that it is hard to go to school and work, however, if the two of you are living together it's time to act like adults and stop playing house. I'm not trying to be mean or offend you. I just think that it's important to know and understand that living on your own is a big responsibility.

If you are trying to save money or cut back, clipping coupons and taking your lunch maybe 3 days a week isn't a bad idea. I use coupons all the time. When I first moved out, my mom told me that when you use coupons always buy the smallest of whatever the item is. I don't know what city or state you live in, but where I live we have Ralph's grocery store and they double coupons. By getting the smallest item, I'm practically getting things for free. The first time I did this, I was so excited that now it's almost like a game for me. I try to see how much I can get for the least amount of money. I also take a lunch to work and then we go out to dinner usually on Friday and Saturday nights.

As for the arguing with your bf. You might want to sit down with him and try to work out a compromise. Since you are the only one working, it's not fair for you to have to cut out EVERYTHING that you do so that the TWO of you can make ends meet. He also needs to express to his parents that it's not cool for them to discuss or talk about you and your family. And not to cause any problems, you might want to (in the nicest way possible) let them know that you don't appreciate the hurtful things that they said about you and your family. So that they can't say much else, make sure that you guys pay them back. Otherwise, they will never let you live it down OR once you do get on your feet, they will start coming to you guys for money like you owe them something.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Cutting coupons is not a bad idea, and occasionally going out to eat is fine, but what is occasional--once a wk? Twice a month might please them even more. Taking a bagged lunch is sensible too. Buy your cig. by the carton and go on a cig. website for coupons, they are usually $4 off a carton. If it wouldn't get in the way of your relationship cocktail waitress once a week at a club (6 hr shift)or even better waitress at a sports bar (8 hr.) and would make at least $100 a shift. Just DON'T DRINK!! Or you or he could work together serving one night a week at like an Olive Garden, Macaroni Grill, or Carrabas and make at least $100-$200 a shift.

Answer 3

First you just have to accept the fact that older generations have different beliefs. Your bf's parents for instance were brought up that if you didn't have money or money was tight you didn't go out at all. You paid your bills and saved what you could. Younger generations tend to think more of taking care of their wants before their needs. I don't want to say who is right or who is wrong but just try and understand a little where they are coming from when your bf asks them for money then you guys go out to eat instead of cooking food at home which is cheaper. The important thing is not to let it come between you and your bf because money troubles is the number one cause of breakups. Also you may try to be a little more conservative with your money and that will make the future inlaws come around.

Answer 4

If you are struggling financially, you should be taking your lunch, cutting coupons, and trying to cut spending any way you can. You can still have fun and be 21 without going out. If you two had to borrow $$ from his parents, then you should consider cutting cost somehow.

His parents did not have any right to say ugly things about you or your family. You should tell your bf this is unacceptable. Why didn't he defend you to his parents?

Answer 5

If your in-laws are providing financial help, it is only reasonable or expectant that they would wonder what sort of things you and your boyfriend can do on your own to become independent. So, of course they are going to ask how you might become more independent. Cutting corners, saving, sacrificing, using coupons, not eating out, taking lunch to work...these all seem like things you could do to be more independent. You ask is it fair of them to expect these things of you..... You might then ask yourself if YOU are being FAIR to them to have them supplement your income without you doing all that you can to help yourself. You say that you are 21 and should not be expected to act a certain why. That argument can be used against you in the form of "you are 21 and should be getting help from others." Look for ways that you can sacrifice to conserve money. After doing all that you can do, then you might have room to complain. But not before.

Answer 6

i think he become crying pretend tears the completed time. he's thoroughly no longer severe about the courting and he's dropping priceless emotions on him. do not supply your coronary heart away to an insecure, chilly-hearted human being like that. He appears like he's basically toying with you. He appears like he basically needs to comprehend how a techniques he can go into breaking you down till you ultimately say you've had adequate. i don't believe of he's the right one for you, sweetie. there are an excellent type of worthier adult men accessible that you'll be able to be sure on, yet heavily no longer this one you're speaking about. by way of the years, you'll ignore about him. do not project. you may love him in spite of the undeniable fact that it doesn't advise that you'll be able to't positioned that love onto some different person more effective worth. best of success.

Answer 7

Well,at least you are making money to support your life with your boyfriend,and your parents-in-law can't complain about it!But if I were you,I'd try to cut down expenses a little more,by,for instance,going to eat out at places cheaper than those you are accustomed to going.Speaking of coupons,it's a pity that they can't be used in my country,Brazil,because it is a nice way to save money...About family:in my opinion,once we start living together with another person,we become one and the family becomes one,too.Good luck!

Answer 8

baby girl, first, make it priority to pay them back the $100. then never ever ever again borrow money from them. second, (this not going to be popular for you) they are right on trying to save money, cutting coupon & packing lunch (few days of the week)is something that you have to swallow your pride to save money. and lastly, start thinking about saving program. it's important that you start to have financial stablilty. money gives you freedom later down the road. trust me.

Answer 9

O.K. serious answer:
Parents have mixed feelings I know, as I have a son 30 and did not like his girlfriend....
I have to say, you need their respect..maybe your living conditions are not, what they wanted for him....or you! for that matter.
Parents are just that, so you have to take the good with the bad, &
it looks like their is little good to them....Try to say as little as possible to them, in thier company....do not smoke around them, esp if they are non-smokers....! never give them info on your things, unless they ask...Keep the place always clean...and do not let them see you out having fun!Cut coupons, and let them know that you do!Try and stop smoking for 2007, its nasty for young gilr to smoke any way....Take a lunch to work...it will not kill you.Try to have some account...they know your saving even if you only have $50 in it!.....

Answer 10

Tell your boyfriend this:

"In no UNCERTAIN terms will you ever give your Parents (ie, your in-laws) that kind of power over our relationship ever again"

If he refuses to abide by that then you know what kind of man you are dealing with and should head out the door in less time that it takes to shake a leg.