What would you do if your friend was verbally abusive towards her baby?

Question

My friend, "Angela" is verbally abusive towards her one-year-old daughter, saying things like: "Shut up stupid god damned baby. I really hate you sometimes!" Angela never says anything nice to this baby when I'm around, instead she always screams horrible things at her for no reason, and leaves her crying in the other room for very long periods of time saying "If she weren't such a brat, I might actually want to spend time with her, but she just gets on my nerves." Today, Angela called me saying that the baby kept trying to climb up the stairs and no matter how many times she screamed "NO" the baby kept climbing. They don't have a gate, and I told her they need to buy one, but she said, "She'll only have to fall down once before she won't ever want to try that again." I am a mother of 3 children and have never spoken to or about my kids this way. Angela and I have been friends for 17 years, but I have never seen this side of her before. What should I do?

Answer 1

I agree with everyone who is advising u to first talk to her n then follow thru with reporting her if all else fails. She sounds depressed. Try to get her to talk, maybe just releasing her thoughts will help her. If she has a car suggest she and the baby try to get out daily even for just a while or a drive or just a walk. Another thing, she may b so frustrated bcuz she genuinely doesn't know what is age appropriateness behavior for her child. Get her a book (maybe from library) that follows the milestones a child attains at every month and yr. There r also some parenting magazines that u can subscribe to for her, that r free. American Baby is one, I believe. Be prepared that she may try to avoid u after u confront her. Please be persistent for the sake of that baby. Imagine what she acts like toward the child when no one is around?!

Best of luck!

Answer 2

You are kidding!! Right!! She is a friend? So be a friend and help her be the mother she should be. There is alot going on here.. and I see none of it good. If this does not change immediately.

So sit down with her eye to eye, tell her what she is doing wrong. This child's life is at stake. Is she on drugs. Bad home life. Bad parent skills? No mother or father, did they act this way too? If they did, you may need to help her learn some new skills. Classes are offered everywhere and they are free. She may need to get a job and leave the child with you while she works. Alot of damage has already been done. How much more are you willing to tolerate? Make a call if you are not up to defending this child. Good luck.

Answer 3

This mother needs help- she may be suffering from lingering post-partum depression or other mood disorder. At any rate, the way she is interacting with her child is not appropriate. As her friend, you need to step in for the baby's sake. Ask her if she is feeling overwhelmed... many mothers are and don't want to admit it for fear that their "supermom" status will be taken away. Being a mom is tough, and without someone to lean on, it can be even harder. Is there a father in the home who can help take care of the child so that mom can get out and do somethings for herself? If the mom is talking to the baby this way when you are there, imagine what is going on when you aren't there... this baby is in danger. Because you are friends, you need to call your local child protective services. Suggest that the mother needs some mental help, and perhaps some respite services as well to give mom a break.

Answer 4

You will have to decide whether to counsel your friend that she needs help in parenting, or report her behaviour to child protective services. The baby is being verbally and psychologically abused, neglected and placed in dangerous situations. I would suspect that when you are not around some kind of physical abuse is going on as well.
Obviously this person lacks the coping skills to deal with a toddler. You run the risk of the baby being seriously injured though active abuse or neglect. This woman needs assistance in educating herself to the proper and safe way to interact with her child, but if she didn't want the baby in the first place, your helping her with finding parenting classes will have no effect. In that case, the baby would be better off in a different environment.
Check in the blue (government) section of the phone book for child services or help in parenting. The pediatric nurses at your local hospital may also know someone who is providing parenting skills classes.
Good luck, but don't stay silent either way.

Answer 5

Oh My God! You should really have a sit down conversation with Angela. She is inflicting mental and emotional abuse on this poor baby. Poor thing is new to this world and doesn't know any better. Angela's screaming and verbal abuse is just going to make things worse for her. How does she expect the baby to mind her when the baby doesn't understand?

Perhaps Angela is depressed? She should see a counselor and maybe get a prescription. PLEASE intervene and get help for your friend and her baby, before something horrible happens to that poor child.

Answer 6

I think that at some point you need to point all of this out to her. In no way am I saying that what she is doing is all right, however she could have a problem with depression that is making her lash out at her daughter.
With that said verbal abuse can be sooo damaging to a child of any age. If you really think that the child is in danger then you have to call CPS. Do you know her husband? Is he aware of the situation? If you do talk to her, do it gently, or you risk losing her as a friend. Although I do think that the welfare of the child is more important then that.

Answer 7

Your friend may have post natal depression, so try talking to her about her feelings, and try having a quite word to her health visitor. Buy her a baby gate as a "present". But most important is the child. Sometimes verbal abuse turns to physical abuse. Get in contact with the NSPCC, or social services. I know you have been a friend for over 17 years, but that's worth sacrificing if it saves a child's life, isn't it?

Answer 8

Well if she is a single mother she is most likely under ALOT of stress, dealing with rent, food and bills..and a child on her own. Maybe she is on her period?
Maybe she haspost partum depression.
But she will indeed DESTROY her childs self worth and self confidence if she continues to talk to her child like this.
There have been times where I will say "*****" in anger to my child but not very often and I usually apologize afterwards.
NO ONE is perfect and people do have angry days, but if she is doing all the time, then yeah maybe talk to her about it, or even get it recorded on a mini recorder and play it back for her, she may not realize how bad she is with the anger.

Answer 9

I'd sit her down and tell her she needs help, and if she doesn't get it, you are going to turn her in to child protection services and then do it! How can you see that poor child being abused and do nothing? Friend or no Friend, I'd protect that baby! She needs counseling NOW! Maybe it's depression from having her or something, but you just can't keep your mouth shut about this one! Good Luck!

Answer 10

Talk to her about going to the doctor. It sounds like she has a severe case of Post-partum depression. Some people don't get PPD until their child is around two years old. It's rare but it does happen. The doctor would hopefully put her on some kind of medication. Don't call CPS first, talk to her about going to the doctor.