My husband and I concieved before he left to Iraq. We were stationed in Alaska and I decided it would be un-wise and un-safe for my to live by myself in that state/climate. I don't get medical coverage within the region that my hometown is located, so I was left with the option to stay with my in-laws (who are in the same medical region). At first I thought it was a wonderful idea, but the longer I stay at their house the longer I go CRAZY! I have always hated when people touch my stomach but being pregnant makes it even worse; people seem to be magnitized to my belly. My mother in law being #1 on the list. She grabs it, kisses it, talks to it, shakes it, pokes it, and so much more. Now this may not seem that bad, but she'll do it for 30 minutes at a time, or will wake me up before she leaves for work to do so, etc. She's very emotionaly sensitive and I'm not sure how to tell her without hurting her feelings. She's obsessed and this will be her 3rd grandchild! WHAT DO I DO?!?!
2007-01-09 09:23:16 · 23 answers · asked by Amber 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
open mouth and let the words flow. let her know you do not like People doing this. I am sure you can do it in a way that will not cause hurt.
She has to learn to respect your wishes in this.
2007-01-09 09:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is missing her son ---and the child you are carrying is a link to him. That does not mean that it is all right for her to do that! Was she this way before the other grandkids were born?
Are there any other family members near by? Sister-in-law? Cousin? If there is someone else you can talk to, they may be able to tell her gently that she is being inappropriate.
If not, then you need to talk to her. Keep in mind that she does not realize that she is bothering you by doing what she is doing. People are funny that way.
You might pick a time when you can spend a while talking to her. Tell her that you know she is looking forward to the birth as much as you are. Tell her that you have a problem: Explain that you are uncomfortable with anyone touching your stomach. Blame it on a childhood experience ( fib a little) Ask her if she felt that way when she was expecting. The idea is to get her to realize that she is making you uncomfortable without making her feel guilty about it.
Tell her that a little pat on the tummy once in a while is OK ( if you are willing ) but that all the other stuff makes you uncomfortable.
If she tries to do it after you have told her, remind her that you have talked about it and she needs to stop.
Regardless of the fact that she is"emotionally sensitive" she needs to respect your right to decide who touches your body. If you are polite and respectful to her, she should not be offended.
2007-01-09 11:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no choice but to tell her. If I thought this would end at the end of your pregnancy, I'd say put up with it, because it would end soon. My mother-in-law's other daughter-in-law had a son while her husband (my brother-in-law) was in Iraq. She practically demanded to be in the delivery room and said it was her God-given right because her son was not there to witness the birth of his first-born and it was her duty to take his place. She is, too, obsessed with her grandkids. With your husband gone, especially since you are living with them, she will try to raise your child for you and be a parent, not a grandparent. You may have to just move out but live close by if possible. It won't get any better. After I saw what my sister-in-law went through, I was so glad I wasn't pregnant while my husband was in Iraq (he left March of 03) and was back before his brother left during the 04-05 winter.
2007-01-09 09:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would carefully explain to her that you are very self conscious about your growing tummy and you feel uncomfortable having ANYONE touch it. You can say that you know she is excited to be a grandma again and you are happy that you get to share the experience with her but you need everyone to understand that you are feeling like your personal space is being invaded when everyone grabs at your tummy. It is afterall your body. You also need to realize she isn't going to stop after the baby comes. It sounds like you may be in a power struggle with grandma after the baby is born. She might tell you what to do and what not to do with your baby so be prepared for that.
I think you just need to put your foot down in a careful manner. If you happen to get to talk to your husband I would see if he could say something to his mother since she will probably take it better from her son than from her daughter in law.
Good luck...sounds like you are in for quite a ride with the overbearing grandma!
2007-01-09 09:33:19 · answer #4 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Act like your stomach is hurting. Keeping doing this, and posibble go as far as saying, after a while, I went to the doctor about the pain and he said it is an infection, but that it was perfectly normal and doesn't effect the baby. Keeping acting like it hurts for a few weeks and by that time the mother will have grown use to not touching your stomach.
2007-01-09 09:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That baby you're carrying is going to be one very happy and loving child! (HE) is bringing people to you because he is sensing that you need 'loved'. He will be a sweet little guy....deep eyes and a beautiful face. Heart breaker for sure! You are going to have to deal with a lot of attention because of this 'angel' you're carrying, and as he grows up you're going to see that he's meant for GREAT things and that's why so many want to be near him even now!
As far as your mother in law, tell her that you love her and that she's making you uncomfortable and it must be being pregnant but it's really bothering you. I feel for you on having to live with the in laws! I personally could not do it, I stayed with them for 6 mths and his father would peek through the bathroom keyhole on me! and I was completely incapable of being a good 'hausfrau'! So, I understand that!
If you're due soon and will be moving into your own place after the baby comes, then try and put up with it.
Good Luck sweetie, a great name for him would be Noel, and it heralds a time of joy and peace.
2007-01-09 09:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by Knuckledragger 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh ! Honey, Please try to look on the positive here, you are so blessed.How wonderful that you have a mother in law that is already happy and joyful trying to connect with your baby. Don't deny her that. Her own son(once in her tummy) is now in Iraq and your little baby is a part of him. If it is so bad, just softly and kindly as she is there beside you tell her that you don't want to hurt her in anyway but to much of that is making you nervous. I think kind soft words, one on one will get you some relief. I can tell you how a little compliant can snowball into one dysfunctional family.I have seen it happen and it didn't have to. Life is to short. Pray that your husband will return safely. We are a retired military family of now 5 grown children,one of which retired from the US Navy last month.Good luck to all of you waiting at home and have a Blessed New Year~~~~Jill
Good luck with the happy baby your going to have ~~~
2007-01-09 10:24:05 · answer #7 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
just ask her or tell her nicely that it bother's you and make's you uncomfortable she'll have to get over it but i'm sure alot has to do with the fact that her son is in iraq so she's talking to a part of him
2007-01-09 10:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by pumpkinbugaboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply say to her...I love you very much but I really have had this thing about people touching me...and I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything but I would appreciate it very much if you would stop waking me up...etc etc, etc..i really need my rest, and you will have plenty of time to spoil the child when she /he is born...
2007-01-09 09:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by momof3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her just like this: I love that you are so loving and caring and I know you'll love this child like the others, but lately, I havn't been feeling too well, and I'd like it if you stop touching my stomach for a while. I'll let you know when I'm ready.
2007-01-09 09:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by L G 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋