My husband makes it sound like my fault....?

Question

Hi. My son is 21 months old. He only speaks 6 words and even those 6 he rarely says. We have had him tested and nothing is physically/mentally wrong with him he is just stuborn. My husband keeps hinting that we should get him into a daycare one a week or so (since right now I am a stay at home mom with him) he thinks being around other kids will help his speach. This is a very sensitive subject for me, as I also feel maybe I have done something wrong in teaching him. I follow all of the advise given and still nothing works. I am VERY against sending my son to daycare (as I don't want a stranger raising my son)
What is your opinion on this. Is my husband just pouring salt into my wounds or should I really look into taking his advise although it is against my better judgement.
Please reply kindly as I am very sensitive about this. thanks

Answer 1

first of all, don't feel guilty. you are doing everything you can by keeping up with your son's doctor.

he is probably fine. some children are late talkers. there is a broad spectrum of whats normal in a developing child. he is probably used to you jumping at his every comand being the only child with a stay at home mom. he probably feels as though he doesn't have to verbalize. try giving him a gental push. talk to him alot, like he is an adult. ask him questions even if you know he won't be able to answer them. sing songs, read books ect... he will probably come around. if he can understand you most of the time, i wouldn't worry to much.

as for your husband, he probably sees that you are getting burnt out, and thinks daycare is a good idea. day care can be a wonderfull experiance for children as it provides structure and socialness. but if you are 100% against it try enrolling in a class together. even if it's a swim class at your local YMCA or a toddler class like gymboree, you'll both benefit from getting out more often and being around other people. you may even met people who are in the same postion as you. i take my daughter to gymboree. we love it. they offer many types of classes for children under age 5 and the teachers are great. they give you tips on what your child needs to work on and how to help them out home. here is the page so you can check it out and see if there is one in your area.

Answer 2

I personally only said 3 words until I was three years old. At that point I suddenly started speaking in full sentences and had the vocabulary of the average 20-year-old by age 6 1/2. Don't worry about it. If you've had him tested, there's really nothing to worry about.

About the daycare, talk to your husband. The decision will have to be made by the both of you together or it could just aggravate things with hard feelings. The idea of having him around other children is probably a good one, but you are obviously very much against daycare (and personally I agree, but that's irrelevant). Suggest alternatives, such as getting into a playgroup (where the moms come, too!), or taking a mommy-and-me class. Just look around and be creative! There are lots of opportunities to get him around other children, with you there, too.

Good luck, hope it works out well for you all!

Edit:
Just for the record I was not in day care until about 4 years of age, so it didn't really influence my speech one way or the other. And one last suggestion is to read to him! My parents read to me all the time, and it paid off. Just hearing the speech patterns and the words, in connection to the pictures and meanings really helps build mental connections there.

Answer 3

My daughter was 3 before she started talking with more than around 10 words. I was concerned to because I thought perhaps it was me (I was a stay at home mom as well). When she turned 3 I put her in a private pre-school that she attended two days a week for four hours a day. At first she had a very difficult time, but around week 5, she started talking more and by the third month she had completley come out of her shell. I can't say for sure it was the school or if she just had to do it on her own time. Your son is still very young but if your husband insists, explain that you feel he is blaming you and offer a program of this sorts as an alternative. If after a few months your son shows no improvement, then you haven't lost anything. This will also help you to over come the feelings that some one else would be raising your child because it would only be a few hours twice a week or so. Good luck and keep the faith...sometimes kids can be more stubborn than their parents!

Answer 4

My son is 3 now and has only just started speaking in sentences. We worried so much about him, read to him all the time, played with him, took him to speech therapy and you know what? He spoke when HE was ready. It's like he woke up one morning and thought "hmm what a nice pleasant sleep, can't wait for breakfast. Ooh I think I'll talk today" It is not your fault. I went through this myself and I would be racked with guilt all the time convinced I hadn't done enough or I'd done too much.
I went back to work because I thought it'd be good for him to mix with kids his own age. It didn't help his speech but he did have a great time! He'd come home with rosey cheeks and a big smile, waving happily to his little friends he'd made. It doesn't have to be full time but a couple of afternoons a week but be so good for him. That way you get a couple of hours to yourself and he gets to make some friends. If he goes for 2 afternoons a week, your husband will be happy, you'll still be looking after him most days so will still be his primary carer and your son will love it! That way, everyone wins.
Just thought I'd add a warning. Enjoy the silence while it lasts because you'll find with late talkers, they make up for lost time!! My little one doesn't stop yapping from the moment he opens his eyes until he closes them in sleep. I'm not sure I can listen to his rendition of The wheels on the bus one more time! All this from a boy who was silent at two and a half!

Answer 5

My son is 23 months and only say a handful of words. He is doing wonderfully with sign language though. Basically our kids will talk when they are ready. It doesn't mean something is wrong with them it means they aren't ready. I have had several cousins who didn't talk until they were over three and then they were talking in complete sentences. You should at least consider what your husband has suggested though. I am a stay at home mom too and don't want to send my kid to day care but I have considered it because I to think it would be good for my son to be around other kids and he may pick up stuff from them and the other kids from him as well. I think you might be taking your husbands words and ideas as a slight against you which they probably aren't meant to be. He just wants to help with the raising of his son and he feels day care once a week will be beneficial. It's unfair for you to not take his opinions in to consideration, its his child to and he has a right to help with his upbringing. But even if you do put your son in day care for the one day a week if your son isn't ready to talk he's not going to and I hope your husband understands that. It's no ones fault.

Answer 6

Oh you didnt do anything wrong some kids just dont talk as much as others. Our 2 year old only says a few more words than yours. It is a good idea to try to get him to talk more buy asking him questions like Do you want milk or juice? Do you want the truck or the ball? and see if you can get him to answer. I think he's too young for day care to make a difference in his speech. Get him books that talk to him they seem to help. Find another little boy to come and play sometimes this might help. You should remember that he is your husbands child too and he has a right to be concerned about the boys developement. When he is 4 is soon enough for nursery school. Ask your doctor if you are really worried about it.

Answer 7

I agree with you, i have a two year old son and he doesn't talk to much but it all happens quickly and one day he will probably come out with a few more words then maybe the next week he might learn a few more and if he doesn't it really doesn't matter kids do things when they and only they are ready.

I Strongly disagree with you on the day care thing i want to raise my child, i want to have all the influence i can , WHILE i can ! I go to playgroup, its where all the mums and kids go TOGETHER. So your in control of your child and it normally goes for about two hours once a week, it will be nice for you to meet some other mums make some friends

Answer 8

Personally, I would keep my baby @ home with me if I wanted to - but like the one answer says, you should consider your husbands thoughts as well....he is trying, he just may not know how it affects your feelings. Some men don't even care to help with anything regarding the raising of the children. If you have had your child tested and there is nothing wrong then don't worry just work with the child as best you can. I have a 2 /12 yr old neice and she doens't talk much @ all and she's been tested as well, with nothing wrong with her. They said just give her time. My daughter just turned 2 and she talks way more than her 2 1/2 yr old cousin. If you've talked to your dr and other professionals - don't worry so much, it's bad for mommy too, ya know!

Answer 9

I too had this same problem. I am fortunate enough to have a mother who has been an early childhood teacher for 35 years, she suggested checking into the pre-school at church and suggested that if I did not want to leave him there, I could volunteer there while he was there. The church was more than happy to have the help, and my son learned at least 5 new words a week, and really learned how to socialize with other children whom he does not see every day like his siblings. Check into it, it may benefit you as much as him, you may see how normal he is compared to the other children his age, and you will feel great about helping the other mom's who may have to work to take care and nurture their children, which is a wonderful gift to yourself, the mother, and most importantly the child.

Answer 10

Well I am sorry but I agree. I am staying at home with mine right now but I will tell you that if you do not like the idea of daycare then get a friend who has a baby or a child you can watch part time and see if they could come over a few times a week to let your child be around other kids his age. I personally do not see a problem with letting him go part time to a day care or letting him go to a mothers day out program for a few hrs. every now and then to be around kids. In the long run it will be good for both of you. Every mom needs a break and every child needs playmates!!