My daughter is 15 and moved out of the house. Any suggestions on what to do. I have done everything in my power to make things work with her and she is very disrespectful, dishonest and rude. I always thought she was so much better than this and things would get better, and they have now gotten to the point where we had such a bad screaming match that she said she never wanted to live with me again and she hated me. She is so hurtful to me and my son that I couldnt take any more, so when she said she didnt want to be there any more, I told her to leave and now it is killing me. She stayed with my parents for a couple night and now she is with my sister and her family. She refuses counseling. I am going myself, but I cant fix it all alone. I need here to want to try and she doesnt want to even make the effort. What do I do?????? Can anyone help????
Thanks
D :-(
2007-01-09 08:11:06 · 19 answers · asked by Dawna D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Get family counseling.
2007-01-09 08:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by Shayna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 is a hard age for any girl. Naturally it is her job to push her mom as far as she can and away. She may just need a little breathing room and if she is in a safe environment, then let her be there for now. She will get over herself soon as she finds out the grass ain't always greener on the other side of the fence. You deserve some peace and so does your son. She is with your sister and in the family. No on the streets and getting cared for. Continue your counseling and work on any issues you are bring to the relationship. Then when she comes back (AND SHE WILL) on her own, you will have some new tools to use in your relationship with her. This happens to a lot of us moms.
Tracylyn
2007-01-09 08:30:15 · answer #2 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first and only thing that anyone can do in situations like this is take care of yourself. By going to counseling you send the message to your daughter that you are willing to do what ever it takes to fix the relationship. That will probably account for more than anything else you could do at this point.
As a parent of 4 grown kids, I see the mistakes that we both made while we were growing up, together and apart.
It is her life and guidance is the best you can offer. If she chooses to disregard it and you, so be it.
You get counseled and to your own self be true. When you are healthy all of your relationships will be healthier.
I would also get the advise of a good attorney and find out what legal responsibilities you own. Not getting along right now may not be your biggest issue.
And lastly, pray, pray, pray. I believe that prayer, in what ever form, leads to self enlightenment. Follow your instincts.
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
2007-01-09 08:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by Mike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really tough situation. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. My son and I went through similar circumstances when he was a teen. My suggestion would be to continue with counseling. Make sure you know where she is and that she is okay. If possible, bring her home. Talk with her and ask what she is so angry about. (She may just be going through some tough teen years and not much you can do but ride it out.) If bad comes to worse, you may have to get the police to bring her home. She might be hoping against hope inside you will force her home. But maybe she really doesn't want to come home now too. Remember though you are her mother and you are in charge. Also remember that your number one priority should be as her parent, not as her best friend. Also know when to relax some of the rules. If it isn't absolutely necessary, let it go. Pick your battles. Make sure they are worth the fight. I always made sure my son knew that no matter how bad things got between us, I would always love him and he always had a place to come home to. He never moved out - but there were times he left for the night because he was angry. And when he did, he knew he could come home. There were times I thought for sure that he hated me and I would never see him again once he got out on his own. Today, we are close and he is living at home and about to start college. I wish you all the best with your relationship with your daughter. Also, I highly suggest prayer - it helped me. I think it changed the nature of the problems and also gave me strength to get through the tough times and made me know I wasn't alone.
2007-01-09 08:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, simple enough, children in their teens run off the limbic region of the brain, this part of the brain makes them so emotional. thus they can't rationalize very well thus the reason for her fighting you. the thing is if you realize this is whats going on biologically when she acts out you should be able to act rationally enough to deal with the problem instead of going berserk and not understanding what the real problem is. I'm sure she does have some real life problems but because she doesn't have the right tools biologically to deal with her problems she will continue to freak out. if you understand this very simple truth then you can arm yourself for the next fight with the upper hand. good luck. don't be pushy just love her. also pray to whatever god it is you worship and that should also give you guidance.
2007-01-09 08:21:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation and not uncommon at all. Being that age and trying to find out who you are and how you relate to the world is difficult for young teens. Not to mention what kind of environment they've grown up in and learned all their traits.
I would suggest 2 options.
1. Tell her she is coming home, that you love her and you are responsible for her until she is 18 and she'll do what you say (of course, being forceful usually doesn't help the situation) offer to listen to her and her problems ....and really listen.
2. let her go. She'll work out lifes problems on her own like the rest of us did. I would say if you can suggest to family members to convince her to come back home. Get counseling for you and her both. Tell her she has to go. First and foremost listen to her though. Teens will rebel regardless but its better if they feel like they're at least being listened to.
Hope that helps.
2007-01-09 08:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by Fireglo72 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is that head strong about her "independence", then try to get one of them into coaxing her into a drive and take her to a shelter and let her know that her strong temperament will someday lead her here as her residence, if she doesn't start acting the way she should. Seeing a homeless shelter with all the less fortunate might help you and help her "count her blessings" and If that doesn't work. Have a police detective come by to talk with her on his/her free time. That way he/she can have a heart to heart talk to her. It might seem tough, but sometimes "tough love" is the best way to reach a teen who has that type of attitude. Wether I was any help to you or not I wish you the best.
2007-01-10 18:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the consequences of letting your child talk sh** back to you when she was younger. My mom use to tell us when we threatened to run away, and I quote, " if yal think the grass is greener on the other side let the door hit you where God split you." There's very little you can do. She either comes home voluntarily, or you can get the authorites to bring her home in which case she will rebel even harder and get locked up in a foster home. She is still a minor, but she will hate you evenmore if you force her to like you.
2007-01-09 08:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a lack of control. She is 15 and needed someone to really lay down the law. She gets away with murder it seems. You are the adult. Why are you asking her anything?!!! I'd go to where ever she is and drag her *** back home with you where she belongs. Anyone who is letting her stay with them is defying you. They should be telling her to go home. Sounds like bootcamp may be the place for her. Look into it. Talk to school counselors they may help. DOn't tolerate backtalk. You are her mother not her friend. You are talking to her like your equal. She is not. Good luck.
2007-01-09 08:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by noitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do as long as your family continues to house her. Send her a letter telling her how much you love her and that you'll always be there for her. Tell her you will no longer make attempts at repairing the relationship until she meet's you half way. After one month and no contact, she'll be calling yu. Trust!!
2007-01-09 08:15:59 · answer #10 · answered by Tonya L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just have to get over the guilt and go on i did the same with my daughter and the guilt just about killed me until i learned how to place blame where it came from there is so much less stress and we now enjoy each other a lot more
2007-01-09 08:48:11 · answer #11 · answered by helen l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋