What Should Curfew be for a 17 year old?

Question

My Son is 17, mature for his age. He had to grow up early due to family life. He pays his own phone bill. I bought him a car, and he pays part of the insurance.
He basically is a good kid, but never lets me know where he is going most of the time. When I call him, he never answers the phone, but makes me leave a message and then never calls me back.
He has a job, so he is responsible about that. He gets off work at 10 but it is sometimes 10:45 when he leaves so about 11:00 pm basically.
He has school at 8:30 in the morning, so I think he should not be out all hours of the night. I told him 11:30 on week days and 1:30 on the weekends. Am I being unreasonable? What are the time limits for any of you who have 17 years olds, or 17 year olds yourself.(Even 18 year olds or older living at home) may answer . I am trying to solve this problem once and for all.

Answer 1

Absolutely no later than sunrise the next morning. That should be easy to follow. :)

Answer 2

If he is still in school then I think he should be home by 9:00 on week nights and 12:00 on weekends except when work hours are later. That is not unreasonable in the least no matter how mature and responsible he is. The fact that he is mature should help him realize that you are not being unreasonable. I graduated from high school when I was 17 and moved into my own apartment right after graduation. I worked two jobs, was very mature for my age and I was responsible. But, when I lived at home I had rules I had to follow and I didn't always like them but I'm grateful today that my mom and dad insisted that I follow their rules. Just remember that even if a child / young adult is well rounded and "good" it doesn't mean that they won't find themselves in some trouble. It's better to have rules and enforce that they be followed. When I was 17 my parents knew where I was at every moment. Teenagers don't mind giving that information to their parents if they are not doing anything wrong. When they don't want to tell you ... it should be a RED flag that something you won't approve of is going on. Good luck and have a pleasant day!

Answer 3

I think you are being very reasonable aout 11:30 for the week days on the average. Now you might give a little if something special comes up depending on the occassion, as I'm sure you will. I'm talking about myself as an adult. I can not be up every night hooting with the owls and expect to get something done during the day. Now maybe the younger people can get by easier, but in the long run their health will suffer. That is even if he keeps up his job and school work. That 1:30 on week ends sounds fair depending on what time he has to be to work. I think I'd start insisting he answer his phone when you call or at least call back within a reasonable (15-20min) time. Even as an adult I call the person I may be staying with for what ever reason. It is not that you don't trust the person as it is wondering if they are OK. Moms have a way of worrying about their children no matter how old the children get. My advice to your son would be just out of respect and love for mom give her a call. It doesn't take that much time or cost that much. He sounds like the kind of son many mothers would wish they had. I don't know if the other kids give him a bad time if he calls mom to report in--they should not. If it is easier he might have an approx. set time to call if he stays out till 1:30. I would hope he doesn't stay out till 11:30 every night during the week or more than one night till 1:30 on the weekends.

Answer 4

I think you are being very reasonable. It makes sense to me that you want your son to be home at a decent hour especially during the school week. Regardless of how responsible he is, he still needs to respect you as the parent and understand there are rules in the house. You need to be able to sleep at night not wondering where he is or if he is okay. I would start insisting that he lets you know where he's gonna be and to answer his phone if you call. If he can't abide by that then you can always take away the car for awhile...

When I was 17 my parents made me come home at 9pm during the week and 11pm on weekends and I was an honor student. That was strict!!!

Every good home has it's rules and restrictions. I think once he has graduated high school and is 18 years old then things change. He will be an adult and you will have to decide how you want to deal with that. Alot of parents will charge rent if their kid is not in college...

Good luck! I am raising five kids right now myself so I am not looking forward to that age...it'll be here soon enough. I do remember being a kid though so I can still think of all the things I did behind my parents' back!!!

Answer 5

I would try to convince her that no curfew is best for you both. That means .. more communication (which is a real plus for her) and you get to stay out later than 11:30 some nights. The catch. Accountability. You say "We're seeing a midnight movie.... I'll be home by 2am" is much more palpable for her than just staying out.. who knows where everynight till the morning hours. But on the other hand if you like your privacy about who your with and what you're doing, count your blessings she's going the curfew route and not the I need to know exactly where you are and when you'll be home route!!

Answer 6

As a teenager I loved the curfew plan my Mom set up. During the week, I only could go out for a "good reason" (school function, with family, etc). On weekends, my curfew changed depending on what I did. If we were going to a late movie I would be expected home no later than 30 minutes following. Hanging out at IHOP, probably more like 9PM. She was clear with me why she had to know where I was and it seemed logical. It's a common courtesy. Also, she would tell me this: You have to tell me where you are, that way if something happens I will know where to start. If you lie, and you get into trouble, I couldn't be there. I know she checked up on me from time to time also. My Mother never would have let me go without letting her know where I was going. I'm 32 now, and plan to do the same thing with my girls.

Answer 7

well that's nice for him. you are being very generous. when I was 17 my curfew was 9 pm weekdays and 11 pm weekends. my mom would trip if i go home later than the curfews. she would be soo pissed off, unless i was at work and she would find out because she would come and check whether i'm there or not. you are being a really nice mom. your son needs to appreciate that. in terms of not knowing where your son went, you should probably talk to him and ask him where he's at when he gets home. if he gets angry.. then you better check out when he does that makes him come home late. but as far as i can tell from the story, your son seems pretty responsible and trustworthy. he'll probably tell you what makes him come late all the time. good luck :)

Answer 8

Wow, that's really generous in my opinion. I meet w/a college girl who still has a 1pm curfew. At 17, why does he need to be out so late on wkends? He might seem mature, but is only 17. Don't be fooled, I'm sure he is a good kid, but kids are also very good at hiding things. I would stay involved in this life as much as possible & ask him to please inform you where he is or there will be consequences. You are still responsible for him you know. Just let him know your concerns as a loving parent. He is living in your home & needs to be respectful also. I have a 15 yr. old. My oldest son was in a car accident @ 16 & layed in a bed for many years severely brain injured then died a few yrs. ago, so from my own experience, I'd keep your son close, not too close but close. You'll know. And he'll love you for it.

Answer 9

I think that it's good your son is responsible, but that doesn't make him an adult. The only people I know that stay out until 1:30 on the weekends are adults. How about 1:00 a.m. it's still kind of late for a kid his age, but I thing it's more reasonable that 1:30a.m.

Answer 10

Well, At this age your son is about to become an adult so it would be a good idea to give him his space and let him know what the real world is like. I know people younger than him with later curfews. He sounds like he is really responseble and you should definately reward him for that. You should both sit down and come to an agreement. You know? Sort of meet in the middle.

Answer 11

When I was 17 my curfew was 10 p.m. on weeknights and midnight on weekends. Alot of other kids got to stay out later and it sucked that I had to be home but it kept me out of trouble unlike some of the other kids