Okay, so my fiance and I are planning this huge wedding in July (we have been engaged since Feb '04 with the date set) and we just found out that he lost his job on Jan 2. So, we will be okay financially until he finds another job, but we are facing a dilemma. He needs to take 3 prescriptions each month, and his insurance will run out Feb 2. He is eligible for COBRA, but it is WAY too expensive. So, we are planning a courthouse wedding so that I can add him to my insurance. We are still planning on having the big ceremony in July, and we really don't want a lot of people to know that we are legally married ahead of time, but do I tell my mom?
2007-01-09 08:01:01 · 32 answers · asked by lil miss blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Where are you? Many places allow you to have a "partner" on your insurance. It's mostly a law that was passed so gay people can take advantage of insurance - but ANYBODY can do it. Are you living together? If so - this will probably work for you.
If adding a "significant other" to your insurance is not an option - it's probably best to tell you Mom what's going on. I'm assuming that she is footing the bill for a big portion of your wedding. If that's the case- she kind of has a right to know.
You sound like a really smart, considerate woman. Go with your gut. A good friend of mine has a fabulous saying.... You don't have to like the situation - but you have to like YOURSELF in the situation. Make sure you are liking yourself - whatever you do.
Good luck!!
2007-01-09 08:14:08 · answer #1 · answered by liddabet 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
On one hand, I say tell her. On the other, I'm thinking, if you tell your mother, you really should tell your future mother in law, and the fathers as well. That's 4 people. Assuming all 4 keep their mouths shut and the information to themselves, that's fine, but that's a big assumption, and in my case wouldn't work at all, because my mom in law feels duty bound to spread any tidbit of news to any and all who will listen.
Another solution though is to prescription shop. We don't have prescription coverage at all, and we get our medications from Costco. There are also mail order companies who offer great discounts as well. He can also contact his physician, who might be able to give him samples of stuff (and if it's expensive stuff, they probably have the samples.) I assume he's looking for another job as well, so maybe he'll find one with the benefits he needs, then it doesn't even become an issue. If it were me, I would wait, and not do the courthouse wedding until the very last minute, and there were no other options at all. Then you don't have to worry about telling anyone, you don't have to worry about people thinking "why should I come, they're already married?" and all the rest. I hope he finds a good job soon! Congrats on your upcoming wedding, and best of luck to both of you!
2007-01-09 08:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, even though the COBRA is way to expensive you need to pay for it a couple of months because your insurance may not cover him immediately, you may have an enrollment time for your plan and you might not be able to add him right away. Also, if he is taking 3 meds a month then he will have a "pre-existing" condition and you carrier might not cover him at all. And if they do but you can't enroll him yet he will need to stay covered under COBRA so that he is without a break in coverage or he will have a really hard time getting insurance from anyone. (check with your HR department) You have to tell you Mother, she is the only person you should tell and I don't see a problem with this tactic if it is what you need to do.
2007-01-09 08:12:21 · answer #3 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If I were you, I wouldn't tell anyone at all. I was planning on doing the same thing with my wedding. My husband and I got married in the courthouse a year before the wedding date for the same reasons as you and we told TWO important people in our lives and they swore to secrecy. Now everyone somehow knows and I fell like my wedding is not going to be taken seriously now and everyone seems much less excited about it because they know we're already married. Its not the end of the world, but it's annoying. If I were you I would keep it between you and your husband only.
Good luck :-)
2007-01-09 08:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by Nats 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. I probably would tell my mom. But I wouldn't have a courthouse ceremony before the real wedding.
Have you looked at how much his prescriptions will cost on your health plan? How much more will be taken out of your paycheck each pay period to cover a dependent? It might not be that bad to just pay for the prescriptions for a few months.
2007-01-09 08:09:42 · answer #5 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your mother, and after telling her make sure to remind her that its a secret and also let her know your reasons for this. It is an honarable thing that you two are going to do whether its in a court house or in a church. Believe me your mom will sympathize with you and still pretend at the ceremony that it's all fresh. If you don't tell your mom and for strange reaon she happens to find out, believe me when I tell you she will be so saddened by the fact that you decided to keep such a big thing hidden from her. She probably would want to be your witness at the courthouse wedding, you do need two of those. Good luck on everything
2007-01-09 08:16:45 · answer #6 · answered by Tee Tee 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As a mother, I can tell you I would want my daughters to tell me if they were married and to fill me in on the whole situation. But I would also probably try to come up with another alternative to your plan, even if I paid for the Cobra myself for the 5 months.
Which wedding date will you celebrate? You arent actually getting married in July, so would you celebrate your anniversary as if you did. I dont know if I could do that. Your wedding day is so special, you want to always celebrate it on the day you actually do it.
I dont know, I think I am trying to talk you out of doing it, it just doesnt sound like an idea that is so great. And I doubt your mom will think it sounds too great.
I'm sorry, best of luck in what ever you decide to do.
2007-01-09 08:12:27 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most people would understand about the whole insurance situation. I say that it would be just fine to not inform everyone except for those who you choose.
You can sit your mom down and tell her exactly what you wrote here. You can let her nkow that you want it to be kept quite because you view the wedding in July as the "Official" wedding.
I would have to take the mean route here and say if anyone has something negative to say, then they should pay for his medicines. Just hold off on the honeymoon and save all celebrations until then!
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-01-09 08:09:16 · answer #8 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her. It's better if she hears it from you and doesn't read it in the paper. It wouldn't be right to get married and then have a real wedding where the guests think they are witnessing the real deal. It might be better to have the court house wedding and have only the reception in July or at least inform the guests so they know that they aren't witnessing the real deal only a duplicate!
2007-01-09 11:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-02 01:30:18 · answer #10 · answered by molander 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋