Mother of bride needs advice... 2fold question...money....and making exp enjoyable for both families?

Question

came up with a budget and offered help.... the thing has tripled itself with costs of rehearsal dinner, shower gift, engagemt dinner, our event clothes, and other things that are definitely about the wedding but but not part of "the day". So much of the budget is rough est---any one item can cost as much as the whole thing! I need to rethink it, experience? (its still early). Also, I don't know how much to include his family and how to do so without giving the impression I am also giving over control. I casually discussed places we are considering for catering and groom's mom was there the next morning! not only that she asked the caterer if she could bring in a tv for the kids and pizza.....I have already told my daughter that is a negative. I am feeling slightly steamrolled--don't know what to expect--- Ideas for helping make this fun and friendly for both families....ways to make them feel comfortable, included. whats your experience?

Answer 1

GOOD LUCK!!!

Ok so start with the cake... Large wedding? have the cake made to feed half the guests, have the baker make a sheet cake with the same batter and frosting and keep that in the back t obe cut up. The guest will never know and you can save a few $$

EBAY, EBAY
My garter, my veil, my shoes, my discontinued cake topper, as well as other things I can not remember.... came from ebay. My shoes cost me $15 with shipping, would have cost me 135 new. Do your home work know what you are looking for. The web is a very powerful tool!!

Be honest with your daughter about what you can afford and what she is expecting...

Photograher - look to see if there is a photography school in the area...

Again, Good Luck

Answer 2

See can you and the grooms mother plan a day where you can sit down by yourselves and hash out who is going to be doing what or what you both can work on together.

If you both try and do things by yourselves, wither thing will get missed or things will get done twice. There really is no way around it.

I truly believe that before you set up and meet with any vendors, you write down the questions you need to ask each place. Otherwise you can end up missing some very important information or pass on a super place because you forgot something. His mother showing up at the place because she heard you mention it is quite honestly tacky and rude.

Now you also need to sit down with the bride and groom to be and figure out who is paying for what. I know that it would be wonderful to pay for majority of it yourself, but they should have some responsibility in this as well. Have the other parents attend as well and then you can all work out who will be doing what. Like i said before, it will eliminate future problems.

It might be fun for you and the other mom to do this together with your children. It is a way to bring both families together.

As long as you keep it civil. If not, and if things become too much of a headache, just give the bride and groom the money that you were going to help out with and let them work it out.

Oh side thing- if you offered 3000, and their expenses nearly double or triple what you have offered, that is not your concern. There are ways to save money on weddings, and by them adding more stuff on, it may be because they feel someone is going to pay for it. WHat you are doing them is offering them a gift. They cannot expect any more than what you offered.

My fiance and I are footing our entire wedding ourselves. I have found GREAT help on http://www.theknot.com and http:www.ezweddingplanner.com.

Answer 3

You need to decide upon a budget, and stick to it like glue. If you go with the "rought estimates" rule, then this thing will balloon out of control before you can even write the first check. Make sure, however, that your budget is realistic, budgeting $500 for a 3 course meal for 200 people is very unrealistic, unless you're buying and cooking the food yourself (even then, it would be tight). Maybe the groom's family can contribute financially as well? Generally the rehearsal dinner is the responsibility of the groom's family.

Also, the groom's mom's suggestion of bringing in a tv and pizza (or other kid friendly food) for the reception is a FANTASTIC idea. She must be thinking of members of their family with younger children, maybe even her own grandchildren. Obviously, as a mother, she wants the whole family at her son's wedding, but has to plan for "entertainment" for the younger children. Wize woman there, you'd be smart to reconsider that decision. Unless you want children running amok during the reception.

My youngest brother is getting married in March, there will be 12 grandchildren (of my parents) at his wedding ranging in ages from newborn infants, to 18 years old. They are setting up a specific room with a tv/vcr, nintendo, playstation, and more "kid friendly" food for the kids. The older children will care for the younger ones after we're all done with pictures. This will allow the adults (and parents of the children) to enjoy our brother's reception without freaking out because our kids are bored.

It sounds like the best thing for you guys to do is to invite the bride, groom and his parents out to dinner one night. Maybe even reserve a private area in a restaurant. Offer to pay for everyone. Then, after a lovely dinner where you all get to know each other a bit better, start discussing the actual wedding. Get EVERYONE'S input here, including the groom's mother's. But, the mom's need to remember whose wedding this is...it's not their wedding, it's the wedding of their children. Let the bride and groom do most of the planning here (ok, the bride.) Give them the amount of money you're willing to spend on wedding (total amounts here), and then let them figure out if they want to keep within that total, or figure out where to get extra. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I know this is prob. a day that you've dremt about planning for a long time, but maybe you should think about giving your daughter a set amount, of money that your willing to spend. Then her fiance's family or even her and her fiance can come up with the rest. As it seems you and your daughter have a close relationship, so chances are your going to play a big part in planning the wedding.

Answer 5

this made me laugh really,,,,you want all to be happy,,but at the first whiff of a take over bid from the OTHER mother in law and you stake claim to the no tv and pizza,,,,,,,you TOLD your daughter this is a no-no. panic set in already. weddings are wonderful but deadly in the wrong hands and as his mother wants to feel valued and not just a guest why not call her,,arrange to meet and see if you and her can agree you want this to be a truly magnificent event,with all you both can provide,no unexpected complications and with you both involved in the decision making,,(dont forget to include your daughter lol)you may have differing views,you may not agree but that doesnt have to be a bad thing,,you can compromise and take your opinion back to your daughter and son who really should have the end say,,,,if you bicker now what will happen when the children are born,,,,,share ladies and help each other choose hats..

Answer 6

I'm assuming that your daughter is legally old enough to get married, right? She's a grown-up, right? I'm also assuming (but correct me if I'm wrong) that, once upon a time, you had your own wedding, right?

Well, my advice is to back off. This is your daughter's wedding, not yours!!!!! If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to handle her future mother-in-law (and her present mother, for that matter). If she can't deal with her m-i-l, then maybe she's not mature enough to get married.

Seriously back off, let your daughter handle the situation.

Answer 7

Whoa, there! It's your daughter's wedding, and she should be planning it, with both families' idea and help.