Who is right?

Question

My husband and I are in a constant battle over what our responsibilities are to each other and as parents. We have 3 children. All of which are girls, who are 3 years old and then we have 9 month old twins. I stay at home everyday with them while he goes to work. He works 40 hours a week at his job. I feel like I work non-stop. I cook, clean, feed, bathe, change, dress, comfort, and play with our three children all day long. I also clean the house, cook meals, try to budget our money, and get groceries. I don't get lunch breaks, or to just get off work. He doesn't feel that he should have to come home and help right when he gets home. He wants to take a shower and watch tv. He will help out sometimes, but I have to ask him or tell him what to do. He also goes to bed everynight at around 8 or 8:30 and I am left up to get everyone bathed, and in bed. I think that we should have equal responsiblities when he gets home from work? I feel like I have been working all day too. AM I RIGHT?

Answer 1

oh! this is the age old questions that women having been arguing about for what seems like for ever for some reason men just don't understand that working at home is just as hard there was a time my husband would say i spent all kinds of money on my self and then when i handed a receipt to him and said please tell me where he actually started naming off "dawn,tide,Windex,Crest" yeah well that was as far as that fight went because i told him he better run out and by some laundry soap for his clothing and the kids their own box to while he was at it and a women to wash it all because i wasn't sharing" that being said your both right to a point he should be able to go take a shower and come out ready to be a dad now just like you should be able to take a shower or watch a T.V program while he is putting the kids to bed if he wants to be in bed by 8:30 then the last thing he should be doing from 8-8:30 is putting his kids to bed and before this he should be doing most of the child watching while you are making dinner or cleaning up after dinner that way you are not trying to do both or if he wants then you cook he watches kids then he cleans while you do the child watching .problem a lot of men have is they see that when they watch their kids they are babysitting or doing your job but what they don't understand is that they are raising their kids and are doing what their job is as there father not just doing yours till you get back or done! it drives me crazy when i hear men tell people "oh well i don't know if i can go i have to babysit the kids while my wife goes to the doctor" Strangers or extended family babysit not mothers and fathers i don't get to say yeah i stay home and babysit my kids so my husband can go to work! its crazy sometimes how some of them think! so help him see your willing to compromise but also want consideration. its funny how many men i know who think its so easy to stay home and watch kids but then if there wife has to leave for a day the whole thing goes to pot and none of those "easy" things happen at all! good luck!

Answer 2

You are absolutely right. He has a job that is 40+ hours a week. As it stands now, you have a job that is 7 days a week, 24 hours a day! Coming from a parent that has done both, I can tell you that being a stay-at-home mom is FAR harder and more emotionally draining that going to work every day.

He needs to man up and help without being asked when he gets home. My boyfriend did much the same thing when my son was an infant. He'd help, but I had to say, "Can you watch the baby, I need to use the bathroom/make a phone call/look something up on line and the second I came back into the room, I was in charge of the baby again.

He stayed home with our son for the 2nd six months and let me tell you it was an eye-opener. He called his mother on about the 5th day CRYING because he didn't think he could handle it for one more hour.

If at all possible, arrange to going away for a couple days. Don't leave him prepared meals and have everything done for him - let him see how tough it is first hand!

I agree with the person up top 100%: he's not HELPING you, he's doing his share. If you can't leave town, she's absolutely right - take off for the mall one night and let him handle everything exhausted.

Answer 3

I wish my wife did all that! Lucky guy. But why doesn't he like playing with his children?

Well, you mentioned cook twice. If you don't like cooking, get him a book about some famous male chefs. And just don't cook dinner. Have a nice lunch when he's gone, and let everyone make their own sandwiches for dinner. Most men like to cook, once they have a reason to.

And don't buy the food he likes. Eventually, he'll go shopping.

And the to bed thing. Get the kids into his room, making noise so that he can't sleep.

Oh, and you could "let" the kids break the tv. TV has a negative impact on male stamina. He'll get more done without one.

But you've been one sided. What responsibilities does he take when you ask him? Does he have any hobbies he can involve the girls in?

Play really shouldn't be seen as a chore. I think there's a problem there.

Answer 4

It took two to make those kids, it should be TWO raising them.


I suggest you try to get a babysitter for the night so you can talk with him about it without the chaos of the kids to throw you off topic. Make sure you don't attack him, that can trigger a defensive response. I had the same problem with my husband only I also worked a office 40 hr a week job so we were both tired but I did everything. I just simply finally broke down and asked him for help. Though as the father I didn't feel i shouldn of had to ask him, I did and he started getting our son ready in the morning and has for the last 2 years now. Explain that you are stressed and tired and need a break too, that its is overwheleming for you and you need his help.

Answer 5

You're right, but welcome to the world of married with children... This is a constant battle. He should help more, but I don't think he should have to slip off his jacket and immediately start his "second job". He should be able to sit down, relax for a few minutes, eat dinner, then *HE* should offer to help (hahaha yeah right!) If he doesn't offer, then he definately needs to be told. Try making him a list (like you would for a child) of what you need him to do - so he's not confused about his role. Guys seem to need structure, instead of just "help out more". Tell him exactly what he needs to do. My husband's role when he gets home is garbage & recycling out, he does the laundry (well, the washing and drying part), and then any mechanical/household repairs. Those are his "duties" that must be done. Anything else he does is supplementary. You have 3 children, so you should up the list of duties. That should make things easier and there might be less fighting and arguing. Good luck!

Answer 6

Boy are you right, he does get it. He knows what you have to do that's why he avoids doing it, it's easier for him to let you handle it cause you will. Let him know that from the time he gets home till you get the dishes done from dinner he is responsible for the kids including the baths. Make sure you take your time doing dishes. If he is not willing to do that then it's time to take drastic measures, buy a few book on how to improve your marriage, and on how spouses should share the work load, you don't have to read them but you should and place them around where he can see them and place book markers on the pages that have reference to your problem. If that doesn't work it's not worth it, or try to get him into counseling. Good luck. By the way I help my wife with the kids not because I have to it's because I love my kids. So I would be concerned about a man who acts like yours.
Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

You are right, but you should also be understanding and compromise. Really sit down with him, without anger, without accusations, and tell him how you feel. Ask him to compromise with you. Maybe he can help you an hour after he gets home. Maybe he can help you get the kids into bed by 9. And maybe on the weekends he could help you do some of the chores you now do during the week, like laundry so that you dont feel so overwhelmed. If you want a break, schedule a day or so every couple weeks that you can have to yourself. You wont get everything you want but even one of these things can greatly reduce your stress.

Answer 8

Well, in line with CNN which I'm looking proper now, the Obama Administration recanted what they mentioned and very nearly has the equal critiques at the subject as Romney. What they're arguing approximately is the truth that such a lot media concentration is being given to Romney (who is not even the President) and concentration is being taken off of Libya and those that misplaced their lives. I'm disenchanted that Obama apologized for the anti-islamic film that was once made. Even if the film was once uncouth and offensive, we nonetheless, as Americans, have our 1st Amendment rights. Obama should not be "apologizing" for what a couple of contributors did inside the ones rights.

Answer 9

Many dads have the illusion that stay at home moms "do nothing" all day, yet we have a 24/7 job! You really need to go away with some friends for a weekend, and leave him home with the kids and a list of household chores that need to be done as well. Then he may learn to respect and understand your role even more, perhaps even help out more without being asked.

Answer 10

You are right. Before I went back to work I did all that for 3 kids as well. It was nice when my husband got home he would help me with them sometimes even taking them so I could have some alone time. You need to get him to understand even though you are a mother you are not a superhuman you need help and it is very important for the children to see yall coroperating with each other on this.