what do you do with a lazy boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is so lazy. He will not even water the grass or take out the garbage. This is a new relationship, and he moved into my house under unusual circumstances. I am a clean person and I really would like to have a man that is similar to me. He even has a problem with making the bed if he is the last one to get out of it. We both work fulltime and I go to work first. It really gets irritating when I have to come home to a unmade bed. His view on this is that the bed shouldn't be made all of the time since we will be getting right back into it at the end of the day. This man does not even know how to wash his own clothes. He has never had a place of his own and he is 44-years old. He is use to living with women. He is a very nice and giving person but for me that is just not enough. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I would take the trash out myself, while showing him the door!! There are certain things that you can let go like the bed, it is irritating but something that wont really hurt but, the trash and taking care of himself ie, cleaning up after himself, doing his own laundry. This man sounds like he is looking for someone to care for him, not to share or have a relationship with. Next you know he'll be complaining that you dont spend enough time with him. You'll be too busy cleaning, doing laundry, taking out trash. You said it yourself he is a nice and giving
person, it's just not enough!!
Then dont let it be! Don't accept less than you deserve. This man needs to move out of your house into his own, not saying you cant still be with him but he needs to prove that he can be dependable. That means taking care of yourself before you try to take care of someone else.
Pay bills on time, clean the place that you live in, feed yourself, do laundry and take out the trash all on his own without someone there to remind him that these things need to be done.
Easy to say hard to do....
but he's not the one for you!!

Answer 2

Well I don't agree with his general laziness (not watering the grass etc) and I think he should do something about that. But I have to support him on the bed issue. He's right. If it's just the two of you, who cares? He is logical in saying you're getting back into the same bed the end of the day. Making beds is something best left to housekeeping staff in a hotel.

I never make my bed unless someone is visiting.

Oh and not making the bed is NOT dirty. If the bed is dirty, wash the sheets and blankets! An unmade bed is no cleaner or dirtier than a made one.

Answer 3

KICK HIM OUT!!

I thought this man was my best friend. He was such a sweetheart, we spent all this time together, and he got thrown out of the place where he was staying so I offered for him to live with me at my mother's house. He was as sweet as pie, BUT...

1. He had NO MONEY or NO JOB

2. He was an ALCOHOLIC and slept until 5 PM!

3. He RARELY lifted a finger around the house

4. I paid for EVERYTHING and went broke!

He finally moved away, and then preceded to spread all these nasty rumors about me to all of our mutual friends. He was the exact opposite of what I thought he was. I never saw a DIME of the money I gave him back, and the only reason why he lived with me is because he wanted to make my cousin (who he was in love with the whole time) insanely jealous.

Of course he is sweet and nice and all of those things, HE HAS NOWHERE ELSE TO LIVE!! I have seen this too many times before. Wouldn't you put on your best act to someone who was providing everything for you?

Give him notice soon, HE IS USING YOU!! It is really hard to face, and it's really hard to realize but he will never change. I am sorry that you are in such a terrible situation. You sound like a very generous person with a lot to offer a man. You will find someone!

Answer 4

Sounds like you're not compatible. Instead of complaining about him, why don't you end it and find someone more similar to you? He's used to living with women, so I doubt he'll be homeless for long due to more "unusual circumstances" the next woman will fall for.

Answer 5

I'll bet this dude is used to living with other woman. So far it's worked for him to not have his own place and or his own share of the work. Well, this time would be different!!!! You deserve better than this bum, I don't care how nice he is. If it's just nice you want, get a cat. You need to be free of him so you can find someone who is more grown up.

Answer 6

I think you might have answered your own question - if it's just not enough for you, then maybe you need to let it go?

or, you can try sitting him down and having a serious conversation with him. calmly tell him how much it bothers you and how much you'd like for him to try to work a little harder around the house - I think a relationship is all about compromise - maybe you could agree to not freak out about certain things if he agrees to help out more.

Answer 7

At 44, he isn't going to change much. You might get him to bend a little bit, but so should you. If you two aren't able to meet in the middle, kick him to the curb.

Answer 8

Don't marry him! I think I would make him move out. At this point in life - 44 - he should be a little bit more responsible.

Answer 9

You have a child living w/you. He wants to live w/someone who is like a "mother figure". So he's nice....but it doesn't sound like he's a giving person. Or else he'd at least give you a break. I'd get rid of him.

Answer 10

Tell him it's YOUR house and he needs to do his part or he's out. You could also start charging him rent if he's going to treat you like the maid of the house.