Why did I offend him if I am trying to be faithful?

Question

I am a reformed cheater. After cheating on him, I have decided that because I love him that I would never do it again. As a result, I am finding that I am not getting all the "attention." that I need.I am a person that craves a lot of attention. If it were possible "attention" ten times a day. So, I talked to him told him that I need him more than usual. He said that he would try. He did pick up the pace a little bit. But it is still not enough. So, I talked to him again. I told him maybe he should consider the blue pill. He was greatly offended. A week passed and I purchased an "item" for my own personal use. When he could not any longer. I went to plan B. He was not happy. He said that we were better than average and he felt that he could not please me no matter what he did. I do not want him to feel that way. We have been together 6 yrs. We are active five to six times a week. On a good week maybe 9 or 10. So, what did I do so wrong?

He has no idea that I cheated nor will I ever tell him.

Sid V, what a sad and lonely little man that you are. I was descended from African Royalty. Taking shots at me will not change the fact that I earn more in a week than you probally have in your entire pathetic life. I usually do not barter with fast food employees, because I enjoy the occasional shake now and again. I asked this question of actual people that had relationships. Not ones that are still looking for the first one. You have a good day, maybe I will see you when myself and my other black friends stop by whatever fast food place you work at and get one of your new salad..good thing I hear they are yummy. One more thing, when you go back to the trailer park tonight and get on your rent to own computer, play nice because the stress of finding out if someone wants fries with that and the stress of learning how to spell all those big words is not good for you.

Answer 1

Maybe you are being a bit too demanding/selfish. I mean, you said he DID try to "pick up the pace", so it's not as if he doesn't care and is ignoring you. Maybe you shouldn't let all of the burden rest on him.

Answer 2

Why do you crave so much attention? Are you spoiled or were you mistreated as a child? Most guys hate chicks who always need to be the center of attention. Since you've already cheated and need so much attention, I'm sure the guy thinks you're gonna have a relapse at any time and probably end up doing tricks at Wal*Mart or something. Can you blame him?

Maybe you should consider doing porn films. Might as well make some cash off that extreme sexual appetite of your's.

Answer 3

You aren't doing anything wrong. Wow, five to six times a week, I wish I could be so lucky and nine to ten times is unheard of for anyone who is less than new sweethearts. I do remember what it was like.

You need to talk to him and let him know that you need more OF HIM not anyone else. Get him to think that it's his idea to get the Viagra even though he doesn't seem to have much of a problem in that area.

Face it, you're a sex monster (it's not a bad thing at all) but women don't have to get an erection and can have sex many many time in a day and a guy's body just doesn't function that way...Well, most guys that is.

Answer 4

I think you're both in the right.

My guess would be that he was offended due to the suggestion that he needed assistance to "keep up" with you. A man's functionality is much different than a woman's...physiologically it's just not possible, if you are as you say (constantly needing, lubricated, and ready). After awhile, it comes down to blood flow, and that the male structure just can't keep doing that.

So perhaps a better approach would have been to make sure you didn't put the onus on how he wasn't functioning properly....but that you both needed to find a solution due to your situation.

Now..you were totally right in getting tools and toys to assist you...and he should not have been offended in any way. Perhaps, again, it was in how you presented it? If you presented them as something you were looking forward to trying, and wanted him to try on you....he has no reason to be upset (it's just simply an ego thing)....if you presented it in a fashion that again implied he wasn't able to function so you had to turn to "these"...then of course, he's going to be upset.

Just be careful of your approach and make it be about ways to satisfy what you need, and how badly you need it, and you should be well on your way to repairing things. Just don't make it about his not "functioning" properly...because that doesn't sound like the case, and that's probably why he was upset.

Answer 5

You two simply have differing sex drives. If you cannot find a compromise then perhaps you aren't a good match after all. He shouldn't feel forced to perform but neither should he feel jealous of you using a toy. You shouldn't expect him to keep up with you if he cannot or does not desire to do so, but if your desire is more than he can service you'll need to learn to control/subdue it or move on.

Sounds like you are more suited for the swinging lifestyle. If you found a partner into that, you'd get the benefit of plenty of sex and still having someone to go home with.

Answer 6

well when u cheat on someone that will always be in the back of there heads no matter what you do to make up. i mean if u did it once while with him what makes him think you won't do it again and now it makes him feel bad b/c if you dont get any from him he might think u will go to other places. i mean and the toy thing why dont you include him in on it. i mean if he doesnt wanna have sex ask him to pleasure you with it and that will include him. and dont be so "attention-in the spot light" type. that gets annoying after a while. don't bug him. he wont like that at all

Answer 7

I think you made a really good effort to keep things cool between the two of you and I can relate to a similar situation of being a once cheater and never living it down but I dont have the problem of one of us having a bigger sex drive than the other although he has these fetishes that are odd for me to understand but I have to put an effort into that anyways enough about me I just think it hurts his ego as a man and being able to please a woman at the same time that he is glad your not the average girl the same thing also bugs him because its to much, I would just step back and realize that you are more harder to please that way then most well you do, You do realize it but I guess its realizing that he cant do it yet or whatever and your just gonna have to just do without or keep things to yourself, you know just your business I dont recommend doing that with anything more than you absolutely need to but this right now you do, it just hurts his feelings and this situation is odd because usally its the other way around, oh no wait I do know how he feels cause my boyfrined cant get off with me I mean we have sex for long periods of time but he can not well he can if he wants to but generally only gets off by doing it himself and it hurts me that its not me that does it and theres no way I can compete with that theres no way my thing could possibly be as tight at he does it with his hand I mean no way so where does that put me useless. He says its not like that or atleast that he is thinking of me but my point is your boyfriend doesnt want to compete with something that is impossible you can only be understanding to a point but it still hurts. I think you just need to try and do with it when its together and if you must keep it toned down and to yourself for right now give this time to grow and expand it will but dont loose faith and dont cheat it wont help anything its got to be a lot tougher to get it that many times a day with several man than it is with one or atleast it should be, anyways good luck Kim

Answer 8

your a peice of ****.how commited to a relationship are you if your screwin' around? all you care about is yourself no doubt the guy serves you in some manner be it sex or money or some other void in your pathetic life,so his reward from you is a pretentious act of caring. I loved one of your answers to a question i posted "my anscesters were kings and queens and royalty". If your refering to the african *****, what royalty?? Did you think "Coming to America" was a documentary? Look at the native african ***** or the new guiniea aboriginies of today. They have no alphabet,calender,or concept of medical care outside of voodoo. They cannot build boats (even tho Africa is surrounded by oceans)work with masonry or even the WHEEL FOR CHRISTS SAKE!! I suppose somehow thats the white mans fault

Answer 9

Of course he is offended. You are making him feel like he isn't good enough to please you. If I were a guy and in his situation, I would be offended, too. Its good that you are trying to be faithful, and its very good that you were able to talk to him about your needs. However, relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. When you spoke to him about your needs, he made an effort to meet your expectations. Good move on his part. Now its your turn to meet him halfway. You bought yourself a toy to use instead of cheating. Very good move. Perhaps you should have a serious talk with him where you explain to him that you are addicted to sex and that, while you would much rather have him please you, that you understand that his expectations are different from yours, and that you wish to engage in a safe alternative.

Answer 10

first hand i think you need to pray more and get a hold of your self cause its not all about sex first hand you need to be thank god you have someone in your life and also it shows you have a void inside you that only god can fill it dont matter how much sex you have or what other attention you may get so pls think about your life ,your mate and how you may be thinking less of him remember all men are not the same