We both work full time his day off is Tuesday and Mine are the weekend, he spends a full day with our son (11 mo old), and today (tuesday) he is calling me every hr on the hr with problems..."He wont sleep, he is wining, he wont behave, wants me to hold him all the time....ect.". I deal with the same thing all the time, what should i do? Tell him to Deal with it or rescue him from "kid duty"
2007-01-09 05:59:13 · 27 answers · asked by TIKI 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh, he is gonna have to learn. He helped to make your son just like you did. So as long as he is asking for help, that is better than getting fruturated and throwing him in a freezer (God forbid).
2007-01-09 06:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not "rescue" him.
It might be fun to turn the tables on him and call him all day while he's at work, telling him all the same stuff, just to prove the point ... but, nah, that's not the right thing to do either.
When you're both home (and the baby's in bed) and things are quiet and non-confrontational, tell him that you want him to know a secret. When you have his attention, tell him that when you are home alone with the baby, sometimes you don't know what to do either. Tell him the baby won't always go to sleep for you, whines, won't behave, wants held. Tell him how frustrated you get and how you wonder why you don't automatically have all the right answers. Tell him he's a better parent than he thinks he is, and that he just needs to trust himself and try things out. Tell him that you're going to start a "hint" book for each of you to use (since you sharing child care duties on different days) and that when one of you discovers something that works great, you'll put the hint in the book under the category. Like "SLEEP": and you can put "if you hold him and run the sweeper, he goes out like a light" or so on. Tell him this will be a great book to be used by the grandparents and babysitters, too, since they may have experience BUT every baby's different.
Don't say anything about "don't call me at work all the time." That's going to be the underlying benefit of your building up his self esteem about being a good father.
I don't think he wants you to take Daddy Duty off of him. I think he just panics and doesn't want to do the wrong thing, and he thinks you know all the answers.
2007-01-09 06:07:49 · answer #2 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to go through the same thing with my husband when our first son was born. He's a big man, and the baby was so small, he was afraid to hold him, thinking he would break him, lol. No such thing, I said, he'll be fine, and so will you. Just sing to him, I said, and you both will be ok. So, he did sing to him, and just as I predicted, the baby was so enraptured with his voice, and was paying such attention to him, I was ignored.
Someone on here said a father watching his own child is not baby-sitting; some look at it as a chore, or it's "the woman's job" to take care of hearth and home. They might think it beneath them to watch the children while we go out and work; I say, Not so!!
It is a privilege to spend time with your children and watch them grow up, but mothers are not the only ones who should do this. We didn't get pregnant by ourselves, and we shouldn't have to take care of the children by ourselves. Parenting is a two-man job, and real fathers have already stepped up; other fathers need to meet them and surpass their accomplishments.
Ask your husband to take some time off from his job; he is allowed paternity leave for at least the first year of the baby's life. Teach him how to do what you do with your son, bathing, diapering, feeding, etc. Let him make mistakes, but don't "save" him when he does. Watch, but don't hover. Praise him when he does well. This way, if you should decide to have another child, he will be prepared already. Good luck.
2007-01-09 06:35:11 · answer #3 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to deal with it, but he might need a little help before you let him go. First, stop answering the phone every hour on the hour. Tell him you don 't want to get fired. Tell him that you both need to sit down together to discuss this issue and that you will do so at home.
Find him a few parenting books and tell him that you need him to be able to do this. If you have to, sit down during nap-time or after bedtime on you day off and write down a detailed description of your son's daily routine as well as some ideas of what to do in certain situations (he won't sleep, eat, whatever). Include what you do when he misbehaves etc. Finally, remind him that he needs to learn how to be a dad, just as you're learning to be a mom. That it's tough...and that it is trial and error...and common sense. You can't do it all on your own (okay, yeah, you probably could...but you want him to feel as if he is a big part of this because he is SUPPOSED to be).
Finally, I suggest that both of you take a day or two off, together, to make sure that you both know your child's routine and know how to stick with it. The best parenting advice anyone can give or get is that a child needs a routine....it makes them feel secure and loved. Doing the same things in the same way shows your child that they are secure in their little world...and decreases behavioral issues. For more information of establishing a good routine, see the link below.
2007-01-09 06:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by dancing_in_the_hail 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there !!!
Sounds like he has his hands tied up full with what we deal with everyday (lol) well, I would laugh with him, have a light hearted joke, tell him you know how hard it is, now with be the good time to remind him that we do this like everyday, and that you know he has to breathe deep, take it easy and deal with it as a parent.
If you go and rescue him, he will not learn. I mean , only if the guy is like a dumb dumb, and is capable of putting the child in danger, I would really allow him to experience what you go through. He has to learn to put boundries also with the baby, this I have to hold him all of the time does not sound right to me. Many times this will help to open their eyes and value a little bit what we go through as mommies.
If he is too stresset out though, maybe you could go and give him a hand, and show him a few pointers, then leave again.
Best of luck
love light and peace
2007-01-09 06:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, don't tell him to deal with it but don't rescue him either...
It mist be hard for him to have to take care of him all by himself since the baby is accustomed to you. It sounds like your baby's dad might have a hard time adjusting too.
Just tell him that you have a job to do and that all those things are minor. He IS a baby after all! It's very normal for an 11 month old! Tell him to give it a little time so that the two of them become in tune with each other and the baby's schedule. give it a few weeks
2007-01-09 06:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by mellybee4321 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't rescue him from "kid duties". He is the father and he has to also be responsible for some one he helped to create. He didn't have any problems when he was having the pleasure in making the child, so he shouldn't have any problems with caring for the child either. Let him know the only time he should contact you at work is "in the case of and extreme emergency", meaning he should only seek your attendence when the baby (God forbid) has to go to the hospital for any reason.
2007-01-09 06:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by miss info 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has probably already realized how hard it is to be a mom, so saying "I told you so" or "Deal with it" will just create anger and resentment. Give him advice to help him get through the obstacles himself. This way he will feel like HE solved the issue and that HE is a good parent. But, try not to do it for him, this might make him still keep relying on you to fix the situation in the future.
2007-01-09 06:14:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DEAL WITH IT!!! He's a man and besides men are like kids anyway,haven't you figured that out yet?!And too, he's not the mama so the baby won't be "behaved" like he is for you. Mothers have a natural instinct to taking care of the babies,daddies don't. Just be patient,Dad will learn soon enough! GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-09 06:04:57 · answer #9 · answered by ~fUnKyCoLdMeDiNa~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds to me like you always take care of your child except for on Tuesdays. There must be times when you two are at home together with your son. Take these times to help teach him how to take care of a child. When he needs something let your husband pitch in and learn how to take care of him while you are there and it should make it easier on him on Tuesdays
2007-01-09 06:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by angihorn2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋