Fussy 10 yr. old eater & discipline?

Question

This question concerns a 10 yr. old boy who has had rather spotty maternal care for most of his life. The father has been loving and responsible, but maternal care was somewhat lacking.

Now, the grandmother has taken over the primary maternal position in the home, at the request of the father. There is basically a good relationship between the boy and the grandmother. She is helping improve his study habits and basic social skills.

HERE'S THE SCENARIO:

This boy has become accustomed to being allowed to argue with the maternal figure in the past and often be given his way - specifically at mealtime - in order to just preserve the peace. Now, the grandmother is working diligently to make some positive changes in his behavior with loving but consistent discipline.

The boy has already been given 3 "wild cards;" three foods that he is given permission to pass on. The boy has been included (when he wishes to participate) in grocery purchases. The grandmother is an excellent cook, dietician and mother.

QUESTION:

In the interest of teaching the boy that he's not just going to be given options about every little thing, nor control over what is prepared and served for meals, would it not be fair to simply tell him,"Alright....look. You are only asked to TRY a little bit of everything that's served. You are not going to just fill out on the things you like."

If there is any whining....he will be warned once, gently.

If the whining persists, he is excused from the table and given a glass of water and some saltine crackers. He will not starve or suffer malnutrition by missing a meal here and there, but he will (hopefully) learn that whining will not be tolerated at dinner time, and that it is the parents who are in control - not him.

He's a bit too programmed into getting his way. This is not a healthy pattern to allow to continue.

Comments? Experiences?

Answer 1

Good for you! There needs to be more parents like you. Too many nowadays are giving in - just to avoid having to do the work of teaching their children. There won't be any arguments at dinner after a couple nights of going to bed hungry. He won't starve. But keep in mind it's not necessarily all his fault, it's hard for him to break a 10 year old habit. But stick with it and I'm sure he'll learn. Good luck and keep it up!

Answer 2

OH my heavens! Some of these suggestions are just not gonna work. I myself have a 10 yr old that is testing every boundary. Sometimes I feel as though I may snack'em, but I believe that isn't a solution to taming this out of control spirit. I am happy that my little one has a cast iron will. (can't imagine where it came from) I don't want to shatter it. I want to nurture. SO, what brought me here today was to find answers. Yet I'm going to share some that I've already found that will be implemented today. First it's a matter of "instant gratification" for the Lil devils. I labeled several white envelopes with a chore of the outside and placed on the fridge. Each one has a prize or to say allowance in it. dollars, Movie passes etc. Depending on the size of the chore depends on the reward. I'm quite excited to see how this is going to work and hope that more positive reinforcement along with free will results is a happier, product, peaceful home.

Answer 3

some kids are just fussy eaters, but as long as he is willing to try out the things on his plate why make an issue out of how much he eats, just prepare the healthy things that he likes & in time his tastes will change & he will eat the others things that he now hates. Be sure he gets a child's multivitamin too.
My son is a fussy eater too & this is the advice that I got from his DR., so far so good my son is healthy & happy.
take care & to each thier own.

Answer 4

hmmmmm.....sounds like the little guy is being well taken care of now, so thats awesome....but yes at 10 yrs old he is used to getting his way and may be hard to turn that train around now....
but it sounds like you have some good ideas on starting that behavior change for the better....he has it good compared to the old school way of putting the stopwatch and a switch on the table...you know how that ends im sure, so keep doing what your doing and make sure he understands that he can not over-rule or whine his way out of at least trying different foods, but i would never force a kid to eat something you really believe he doesnt like, because if you do they will never eat it again....i know - mine was Brussel sprouts...(hard to swallow those thing whole..even cut into 4 pieces) lol...good luck

Answer 5

i agree that control needs to be taken on this child. if your mother is the primary caregiver then you should back her 100 per cent on whatever she tells the child. if you dissagree with any of her theories you can investigate them until you better understand them and then ask for correction or appologize for misstrusting her. But ALWAYS do this away from the child. If you believe that the primary caregiver knows better than the child the caregiven should be total control over the childs life decisions.

Answer 6

well I have fussy eater also ,Especially when it comes to meat,My kids like to eat meat now with Ranch dressing,My husband is not fond of that idea but they eat there meat with no problem.Try a Menu you and your Grandson and do up a Menu a week at a time and see how that works,Try a Little reward like a if he try's something new he can have a small glass of pop that works good for us to.I don't think he needs to be disciplined for being a picky eater if he refuses to eat anything on his plate,make him sit there till he at least eats half of what is on his plate he will get tired of sittiing there and get the point

Answer 7

Whatever you do, consistency is the best bet for this boy. Sounds like he's been thru alot in his short life, and the rules should be short, to the point, and ALWAYS THE SAME.

Answer 8

what is better because it is more nutritious, and we do it to my sister is to buy powder protein. you could mix it in with juice, milk or water. you could give him the option in a stern voice when he ignores to eat what he has been served or he will have to drink a glass of protein. he will most likely choose the food. you could buy the protein at Costco. just be persistant. good luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

Parental styles are based on experience. Perhaps this is the way it is usually done in his family or perhaps this is what they consider to be the best way to get him to do other things that would like him to do. I wouldnt worry about the way he is being reared unless you can see some specific harm that is being done.

Answer 10

I agree, the kid needs 2 learn that he can't always get his way and what he needs is to learn to have respect and atleast try everything once.