I know we love each other. Not sure if he's cheating....a month ago, I listened to his voicemail (yes I know that was wrong of me but it's hard for me to trust) and there was a msg from a girl "I want to hang out, etc. MAYBE I'LL KISS YOU AGAIN." I freaked, confronted him,he claims it's a girl at work who pecked him when they were having a drink after work (he works at a restaurant). I believed him, but I was upset that he didn't tell me about it. I told him to cut things off with her, don't be her friend, don't talk to her on the phone, etc.....he said he felt like I was being controlling, and he swore up and down he wasn't doing anything with her. He claims he just views her as a friend, but that she is into him. I spend every night and every weekend w/my boyfriend. BUT, last night I found out that he was at his friend's house, and she was there too. He tried 2 lie 2 me about it, but I knew she was there b/c I heard her voice in the bkground - what should I do?
2007-01-09 05:32:31 · 24 answers · asked by Ashley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not saying this is my fault by any means, but I would like to add that I admit I am a controlling girlfriend. He NEVER goes out with his friends, he rarely hangs out with him. He was over at his friends house last night watching the football game - the reason I didn't go is b/c i could care less about football. I am not making excuses for him, just adding more information. He claims that it was his friend who called this girl (they all work together) and I actually know for a fact that he did not call her last night b/c my bf and I share a family cell phone plan and I have access to all his call logs. Prior to the kissing situation, they did talk and text, but after I confronted him the communication b/t them has gone down. And I told him last night I want it to be completely eliminated. I just don't know if I can trust him? Is it possible that he is telling the truth and just didn't want me to freak out? Am I being dumb and naiive?
2007-01-09 05:54:28 · update #1
If you know she was there and he tried to cover it up then you have your answer he doesnt want to be in an honest relationship. Cause if it was only friends over there he would have taken you as well . Lying seems to be his fault why continue to date someone whom you cant trust and especially with you already having these trust issues i think you need to move on ..
Oh and he has no respect for you especially since you ask him to refrain from talking to this girl .. she asked him to hang out again and maybe she weill kiss him again.. that is exactly what he went and did hang out at his friend's home to be with her
2007-01-09 05:37:38 · answer #1 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really don't know if he's cheating or not. However, the fact that he lied to you about her being there is troubling. Either he's cheating or feels he can't tell you because you'll freak out. I'd get out of the relationship. It's not healthy. He's lying to you, and you're being sneaky. Why did you listen to his messages in the first place? If you admit to being controlling and are checking his messages and call logs then you have issues as well and this doesn't sound like much of a relationship. You claim you love eachother and spend every night together. If he cheats the first time you're not together, then something is seriously wrong. Dump him and work on your control and trust issues. Then find yourself a man worth loving and trusting. Good Luck!!!
2007-01-09 06:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, this is really a hard situation. I went through something similar myself. Here's what it boils down to: you have to do what will in the long run make you feel BETTER, not what ideally would be better. Ideally, he'd be telling the truth, and you'd believe him, and you'd both move past this. In reality, you can't be sure of the truth, he's some young guy who probably isn't ready to settle down, and even if he is telling the truth you would still be suspicious of him. I would recommend that you cut ties now before you feel too used, and if it is meant to be - you will get back together again. Staying in a situation with no trust is not "toughing it out" - especially when the other person isn't as into making the relationship work as you are. It's simply painful and hard, and over time will make you both more hard and nasty to each other.
2007-01-09 05:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah this is a hard one to answer cuz i go through the same thing and it sucks!! i know it's hard to trust (especially if you have been hurt in the past) but you're going to have to trust him some. listening to his voice mail was wrong and if he loves you like you love him then he will let you know if something is going on that you need to know about. if he said he doesn't see this girl as anything more then a friend then believe him. as for the girl, don't trust her. you can't control him and tell him not to be friends or talk to this girl, it's only gonna make him want to do it more. just believe in the relationship and love and trust him.
***love sucks and if it's meant to be then it will happen... try taking a break for a little while and if he is being true then he should come running back to you. good luck***
2007-01-09 05:38:40 · answer #4 · answered by ~karma~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's either lying to you because he is doing something wrong, or you are just freaking him out so he's scared to tell you the truth. Try to calmly explain to him that honesty is really important for you both to trust each other. Don't attack him, he'll only retreat further away from you. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open. Be trusting, but don't be a fool.
2007-01-09 05:40:21 · answer #5 · answered by Mother of Three 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you spend every night and every weekend with him? When would he have the time to cheat. I'm in your boyfriends position in my relationship, and to be truthful, I'M NOT CHEATING!!! But every night and every weekend is tiring, so the break is needed. As for the other girl, sometimes it's nice to see a woman other than the one i love actually taking an interest in me. Tell me, could you eat only steak forever with nothing to wash it down?
2007-01-09 05:43:32 · answer #6 · answered by halo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, your boyfriend should not be having such a playful relationship with a girl that likes him…. Especially if you are not ok with it!!! You already know that he lied to you want makes you think that he won’t do it again or that he has already done it.
I recommend for you to sit down with him and have a clam conversation with him about what you think and how you feel and give him an ultimatum and go form there.
2007-01-09 05:43:16 · answer #7 · answered by Just ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of that relationship, I know it is hard to do but just think he will cheat again and he says she is just a friend well think about it because he more than just a friend trust me I have been around too many cheats in my life.
2007-01-09 05:38:33 · answer #8 · answered by may s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
RELAX! to begin with. the reason that your bf oprobably lied to you in the event that she actually was there and you werent just hearing things, is b/c the last time something happened with her, you freaked out and became really controlling. you need to trust your bf, you say that you love him, and trust is essential to love, so just believe in him. go somewhere with the two of them and maybe try to become friends with her so she you can understand her better.
2007-01-09 05:40:37 · answer #9 · answered by mwhiteman5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since he isn't fessing up (even thought he most likely isn' doing anything) maybe you should just end it. The jealousy will just feaster up even more, eventually poisoning the relationship. By questioning the love between you two and being jealous you are basically pushing yourself away from him.
Best of Luck to you.
2007-01-09 05:40:06 · answer #10 · answered by nighttimeglasses 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋