My son is 8 years old. For most of his life his father wasn't in his life. When my son was 3 his father went to jail and is a convicted felon (a "street pharmacist"). He seemed to have made a change when we communicated while he was in jail. Now that he's out he seems to be going back into his old frame of mind. My son never really knew him and I've tried helping him bond with my son, but my son doesn't want to be bother with him. I frankly don't want him around my son if he his going to revert back to his old ways. Should I and my son stay away from him. He and his girlfriend has recently started drama and she seems to have influence over him. She convenced him to have a DNA test to prove my son is his- when he already knows cause they look exactly alike from the head all the way down to how their toenails look. Should I continue to have this drama in my and my son's life or should I tell him to leave us alone?
2007-01-09 05:23:41 · 15 answers · asked by D.A. B 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is hard to answer only because of the legalities. Does the father have court ordered visitations? If so then you are pretty much powerless unless you go back to court and have that changed. It's sad though, it's too bad your son is going through this. It's not fair of the father to do this to your son. But you already know that. If you don't have court ordered visitation then I would not let my child near that. My son has a similar situation. Only his father could care less about seeing him. I am lucky he's not allowed near my son. If there is no order in place I would suggest you go to court to ensure that the father is not allowed to be around your son alone. I would ask the court for supervised visits if there is any visits issued. If you go to court before the father then you'll have a better chance of getting what you want. You don't need a lawyer for this but you should at least call your local legal aid. They can help you through this without too many problems. Good luck to you! I know this must be very hard for you.
2007-01-09 05:37:02 · answer #1 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree that getting legal advice is a good idea. the way i see it--your son's father is a big boy, perfectly capable of making his own decisions. if he chooses to go back to his old life, that's his problem. it doesn't have to be yours or your son's.
just keep in mind that no matter what, this situation will have a significant impact on your son. you need to keep a clear head, and communicate with your son. if you feel it would benefit him, find a support group or a mentor so that if he doesn't have a positive male influence in his life, that can be rectified. the last thing you want is for him to think that being an absentee father is the norm.
anyway, i would stay as far away from him as legally possible. is there a mediator for your custody case? if you have a caseworker, tell him/her about your concerns about his father's girlfriend.
above all, keep your head about you! don't let your son see you lose your cool about this, and try not to get too angry or fearful. if you must, find someone trusted with whom you can share your concerns; a pastor, friend, or family member--someone you KNOW will not share this with your son.
meanwhile, i will pray for you and i hope you get through this situation!
2007-01-09 13:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I would spend time on him, it's sound like he is not reaching out to your son, in order to be a father you have to act like a father. I wouldn't put my son through that. If you have been the only one in your son life cont to so that. If he was a father a father find the time to be a friend and then a father. As far as the girlfriend I would even think about her, she is not a real women a real women would tell he what right. I don't think he is ready to be father. ( Boys need father no street hustler) it is to many of those now. I will pray for the best.
2007-01-09 14:09:00 · answer #3 · answered by tammy36 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is almost to the age where he can decide for himself if he wants his father in his life....until then I recommend keeping distance from the man. When your son can understand what his father did and the consequences and why it is a bad thing then if he so chooses then i would allow some supervised time. Even if he takes you to court, no judge in their right mind is going to grant visitation if you can prove hes selling drugs again and would be a negative influence on your son.
2007-01-09 13:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son, nor you feel comfortable about having the father in your son's life, so I say .......... don't try so much. If the father really wants to be in his son's life, HE will make the effort.
Your child won't be the first or last child living in a single parent household (which is what you've been doing for 5 years already anyway).
Good luck girl, it's a tough decision. Your love will love you unconditionally either way.
2007-01-09 13:32:28 · answer #5 · answered by shirl_lee2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son's 7 and his real dad has been out of his life since he was 2 and my boyfriend has been raising him as his own and he calls him dad although he knows he's got "another daddy" that he doesn't know anything about. I couldn't image bringing his real dad back into his life for any reason now. It would tear our world apart. Plus, I don't think my son would have much interest in him either as your son doesn't. If your son was comfortable before without his dad then I'm sure he'll be without him now. And later if he decides to see him, let him, but let your son do this on his own time. He's been doing things so far on his dad's time, let this be his time to be in control of the situation.
2007-01-09 13:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by AngieBaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to bug off...but you should get yourself into family court and petition for custody. You don't want him to try and take your son away out of spite. Get a court order. With him being a convicted felon you may have a chance at sole custody. Your son doesn't need an influence like that in his life.
2007-01-09 13:38:17 · answer #7 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, get legal advice. Depending on where you are, that DNA test will have all sorts of ramifications--mandated visitations, mandated child support payments.
Second, his father is a felon ex-con, so while he does have rights to his son he's probably not a good role model. Tell this to the lawyer/legal clinic. Especially if your son has no desire to see him, you should work to keep him out of your lives.
2007-01-09 13:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by barbara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be really careful NOT to speak negatively about your child's father in front of him...no matter what your son says or how he feels at the moment..that includes the days when the man drives you to want to tear your hair (I sympathize, empathize, and feel your pain). As far as your son seeing his father, keep the option open but do not force him...if he says he wants to see him, let him with no negative feedback...but as long as he doesn't wish to see him, respect that choice while giving him the ability to change it. As far as the DNA test, as much as you feel degraded by it...remember, if the man wants to throw his money away--let him. And the "drama", remove yourself as much as possible and show no reaction...they are both repeating the same behavior they used as toddlers--this is simply a grown up temper tantrum
2007-01-09 13:36:11 · answer #9 · answered by Cindy B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with your gut feeling. His old ways don't seem to help in any way shape or form. If your son didn't have him in his life for a long time and your son doesn't want to bother with him, why should you? You son is old enough to know what's good for him and his dad doesn't seem to be good in any way!
Good luck!
2007-01-09 13:30:42 · answer #10 · answered by Claudia-Elena's Mommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋