been wit my bf for almost 3 months. im happy when around him but always feel down when im not. he's very layed bk and makes hardly any effort. this makes me feel he doesnt care, coz thats how its coming across. iv told him how this makes me feel n he says he does care n he loves me but that it takes him a long time to show his feelings(hes bin cheated on in the past). i can understand how he may b cautious but im not these girls. and iv totally let my guard dwn around him even tho i was hurt not so long ago. he says he trusts me. even tho he knows wots been makin me unhappy n he says he'l try to b diffrent, there hasnt rely been any change. should i wait it out longer? i want to be with him but im constantly questionin myself whether i want to stay with him or not coz of how unhappy iv bin l8ly n i cant concentrate on anytin else. surely if i was happy then i wouldnt be havin these doubts ?? any tidy advice would be appreciated thanx
2007-01-09 05:12:14 · 15 answers · asked by booboobear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I totally understand how you feel. My boyfriend doesn't express his feelings in words as often as I'd like, and in the first 6 months of the relationship getting any kind of emotional response from him was like getting blood from a stone. He too was hurt in the past. We have been together for over a year now and we're looking to move in together soon but although he shows his feelings with affection, he still finds it difficult to actually "say" how he feels. These days he does tell me how much he loves me - not as often as I'd like, but the things he does for me and the affection he gives me speak louder than words. I would rather have my boyfriend than someone who finds it easy to say those things but doesn't back the words up with actions - there are lots of men like that around! I still sometimes feel like you in that when we're together I'm 100% happy and secure in the relationship, but when we're apart have little doubts but I have put that down to an insecurity in me that means I need reassurance from him. On the other hand, if he's not expressing his feelings with actions either this is not going to be a very pleasant relationship for you. Either way, its still early days for you, so respect his explanations and give it some time - it may be worth it in the end. I hope it all works out for you (and me!) x
2007-01-09 20:44:03 · answer #1 · answered by L x 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here's something you should know.............
Sometimes people really like each other, thay fancy each other, they are happy together, but they want differnet things from a relationship. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either of them, or even what they have together, but they just don't 'work' together.
Maybe your Bf just isn'y ready for another relationship, if he was, wouldn't he be able to commit to you?
Or maybe you both aren't what the other one is looking for, and that is okay. It's a myth that the end of a relationship is someones 'fault', sometimes two people just are not right for each other.
So he's not what you are looking for, that's okay, stay good friends, maybe one day he will be, meanwhile, give someone else a chance to make you happy, because he isn't is he? And if that's the case, then it needs to end. Sorry honey.xxx
2007-01-09 05:23:26 · answer #2 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should finish wtih him, & in your heart neither do you, because otherwise you would of done it, & not asked this question.
In the scheme of things three months is not a long time, & already your boyfriend has shared his feelings with you, & explained how he was hurt previously. Some people find it easier to move on than others, & of course there are varying degrees of hurt.
I think your having these doubts, because you do love him, & that is why it is making you unhappy.
Keep communicating with him (not questioning him), show him how much you love him, & soon the wall that exists around his heart will start to crumble.
In time he will see that you are not like any of the girls he has known, & your patience will be rewarded.
All the best.
2007-01-09 06:41:59 · answer #3 · answered by Kingbee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he has done anything wrong in your relationship, some people do just take longer to trust another when it comes to love.
Why not explain how you are feeling and perhaps suggest just having a break from each other for a bit and see how you both feel after a period of apartness.
It sounds like you are wanting more from him than he is prepared to give and to be honest if he doesn't want to give it then you have to decide if you are prepared to stay with someone if what he can give is not enough for you.
2007-01-09 05:32:06 · answer #4 · answered by Jewel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you've already spoken to him but maybe expressing the fact that you're questioning staying with him because it's pulling you down may get hm moving... Though it has only been 3 months so maybe it is going to take a slightly longer time for him to show his true feelings. If he doesn't start changing his ways if you tell him you don't know if you want to be with him then I'd seriously question whether or not I want to be with a guy who doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated occasionally.
Hope this helps you xxx
2007-01-09 05:58:17 · answer #5 · answered by Rachie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amazing advice i got from my guy was:
"If you're in a relationship, and you ask your partner to change for whatever reason, then the relationship isn't worth bothering with... if you have to change to make it work then its not worth the effort"
Not his exact words, but along the lines
So basically. if your not happy with this guy, then i'm afraid your gunna have to let go, its not fair on either of you to suffer or for either of you to change because the relationship isn't "working"
Its obvious you won't be together for the rest of your life, so why put up with the pain when you can end it right now?
2007-01-09 05:27:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 18 I would say enjoy more of what life has to offer you, it`s far too early to get bogged down with all that around you,next thing you could be pregnant then, stuck in another group until you find out what you were missing,move on & enjoy life.
2007-01-09 05:22:23 · answer #7 · answered by edison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand what he means and understand how u must feel. at least he now knows how you feel but you cannot force feelings out of him mabe hes just holding back for now even thoe he knows he has strong feelings for you. Its fair on him to give him longer and when he feels more secure and feels that your not going anywhere he will proberly start showing his true feelings. but its fair for him to give you some security too and show his feelings id see how it is in 6 months and a year at the most.
2007-01-09 05:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the Freudian physique of strategies. ladies elect their fathers (not actually, yet that's their first occasion of male/female relationships). A "advantageous guy" who's actual a advantageous guy will allure the female as a father-replacer, yet in simple terms interior the experience that he's there to guard and care and hear and love from a distance--bear in mind that the incest taboo keeps the female from feeling romantically approximately everybody who reminds her of her father. The a**hollow would remind the female of the component to her father that replaced into recommend or authoritarian in direction of her, (i.e., the component to her father that she feels represents her failure to be stable sufficient, advantageous sufficient, exceptionally sufficient, etc, etc,). So, she continues to be with the a**hollow in an attempt at ultimately measuring as much as her father interior the way she under no circumstances would desire to at homestead. Plus, intercourse comes into it simply by fact with that, she would be exceptionally specific the guy will stay around, and it probable gets linked, in her strategies, with emotions of affection and male-nurturing. the advantageous guy finishes final, specific, yet he's the only that's going to maintain the female interior the long-term. The a**hollow finally ends up on my own, under the impact of alcohol interior the bar with the aid of midday, in detention center for spousal abuse, DUI, or regardless of else he gets himself into.
2016-10-30 10:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are constantly questioning your relationship with him, it's probably not worth the effort.
You're 18. You should be having fun and not worrying so much.
2007-01-09 05:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋