I'm going to be with my girlfriends family this weekend and I need to ask permission to marry her. First of all, I've always heard I ask the dad's permission...but do I ask both? Also, should it be done with or without her present? She knows I'm asking permission already. Should I do it over dinner? Should I take her dad aside at some approprate time while we're just at her place hanging out? Help please!!
2007-01-09 04:57:44 · 30 answers · asked by someguy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know I technically don't NEED permission, but it's the right way to go about it, at least that's what I feel. Her dad will respect me for it.
2007-01-09 05:05:38 · update #1
I guess anothing thing is I just feel it'll be difficult to seperate myelf from my gf and take the dad aside w/out being obvious to my gf as to what I'm doing. Any ideas?
2007-01-09 05:10:25 · update #2
How old are you anyway? If you are older then 18, I don't think you you need permission to marry her or go ut to diner with her.
2007-01-09 05:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by Pauly W 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Traditionally in a lot of cultures, asking for the hand of their daughter is appropriate. You might want to find out what culture her family is from and find out what the current traditions include. You might also need to know if the parents are consevative, orthodox, liberal, or other. This will give you a great deal of references that will help you.
Usually, in most cultures, it is appropriate to ask the father, but if there is no reason to do that, the question can be asked at a special dinner that has been set up to "discuss" something very important. Parent, siblings, friends -- could all be present.
If you are not too sure if the answer is going to be positive, then I would ask the father at a scheduled meeting at his house with no one else present. This way, if he says "no," you will have a better chance of discussing it.
Present your question firmly, but more casually and not as a robot. Sitting down is always best. Look him right in the eyes and smile (not a goofy one) as you ask. Do not drop your eyes until he finishes saying something whether he looks at you or not.
When he makes his first comment, glance at your girlfriend briefly (if she is there), then back at him for more conversation from him.
If he says "no," or doesn't give a definite "yes," you might want to ask the simple question "why?" if he doesn't volunteer it. Again, keep eye contact at all times. If it is at a public restaurant or there are lots of others present, perhaps you can say "Can we meet later so I know what you're thinking?"
Go prepared and confident. Practise what you are going to say and plan for any contingencies that might happen so you can have a plan B or C or even D.
God bless your marriage.
2007-01-09 05:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by Hunky13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't know anyone still asked. I mean I'm old fashioned in some part when it comes to that and I think the guy should ask permission. But today most people don't ask they just get engaged and then tell the parents. Usually though, if a guy asks he only gets permission from the father since he is the one "giving away" his daughter. As your gf if she wants you to ask her dad because if it doesn't bother her then you may not have to ask at all. some guys feel better having their future father-in-law's blessing so do what you feel is best for you. good luck!
2007-01-09 05:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by angelicasongs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nowadays, asking her parents is really more of a courtesy, a hope for their blessing and goodwill, rather than a literal request for permission. So try to be polite as possible about it.
It would be nice to include her mother (and next, even siblings or grandparents, if they play a big role in her life). It depends on her family dynamics and the personality of the individuals.
It's up to you and your girlfriend if she should be present... if you're already engaged, it might be more appropriate if you're both there and she announces the engagement with you, and backs up your request. If you're not yet engaged, it might be more appropriate to ask her parents alone, before you officially pop the question to her.
You'll just have to feel out the evening and pick the moment that seems best to you. If there is quiet time before or after dinner, when you're all just sitting around having drinks, that might be best.
good luck!
2007-01-09 05:08:15 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there any way you can contact them (phone, email, etc) before you actually show up? You could say that you have something important to talk to them about, and you'd like to find time while you're to talk to them in private. If it's just going to be the 4 of you and you don't want your gf to know, perhaps her mom can take her out somewhere while you talk to dad. If there is someone else (sibling, friend, etc) or something else your gf can do (mom can ask her to go to the store or something) you can talk to them both at the same time.
Traditionally, a lot of dads don't mind having their wife present when you ask, but it shows a lot more class and respect if your gf is not present. It means that you really value dad's opinion, and that he feels he knows before she does. (even if that's not the case) It makes them feel like you love their daughter enough to include their opinion before you two make it official.
I hope that helps. Good luck!
2007-01-09 06:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by chocolateandnuts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! I think your future in-laws will be delighted that you asked and that their daughter is marrying such a well-mannered guy. The idea of taking them out to lunch sounds good. Include both parents and your girlfriend also, that way it's coming from both of you to both of them, as both a request and an announcement at the same time. It's true that you don't have to ask permission, but it's a nice custom and it surely can't hurt. I would say go for it, and best wishes to all of you!
2007-01-09 05:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by mom of 2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats so cool of you...its nice to hear that chivalry isn't completely dead! I wouldn't do it with her around, my fiance just asked my dad, but thats kinda the relationship they had, if your are really close to her mom too, and they are a less old-fashioned couple than my parents, you could ask both. I don't think you can really go wrong either way! my fiance didn't do anything formal, just when I stepped out of the room he pretty much said, hey mike, can I marry Ashlie? it was all good, and my dad really appreciated being included in on it. My dad and I are really close so I couldn't dream of marryin a guy who did it with out asking first, and I'm glad I am marrying a man who understands that! Everyone will really appreciate it! good for you! congrats!
2007-01-09 05:15:40 · answer #7 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First put on a bullet proof vest,no just kidding. Just tell him that you want to marry his daughter with his blessing and let him know that you are very serious about taking good care of his daughter and be prepared for the possibility that he may have some questions for you to answer. Best advise is to be honest and respectful and as a father myself just he fact that you asked is a big plus.
2007-01-09 05:09:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm meant to get permission formerly related to myself interior the concerns of yet another. lots of the time I certainly have been asked to deliver helpful power as quickly as I gain this - so sure, permission has been granted. And if theres a reason i think i elect to do something for somebody i'm usually going to ask first. yet i take advantage of basic experience too - if somebody i understand is interior the wellbeing facility, i'm not likely to attend until they awaken so i will ask them if this is comfortable with them if I deliver them some helpful power.... that's downright stupid to me. i'm going to take my outcomes on stuff like that. yet i don't in simple terms bypass sending out power with each power request that comes with the aid of my inbox the two. My ethics dictate that properly intentioned meddling isn't lots distinctive from sick intentioned meddling interior the grand scheme of issues, yet i'm constantly going to be guided with the aid of my own view of issues and that's my good judgment in spite of what type of issues we are speaking approximately.
2016-10-30 10:46:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats. on popping the question! You are such a gentleman for asking the father for his daughters hand in marriage (do you have a brother? j/k) You should ask the father only, not mom too. Your girlfriend is moving away from her father and into the arms of another man to take care of her, you. :) Ask the father one on one. Speak your heart! That's all you can do. Her father will love you for the man you are. You will be alright
2007-01-09 05:07:05 · answer #10 · answered by rspheart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Proper way is to take the dad aside and ask for his blessing for you to marry the daughter. Now the proposal should be something that she will remember. Be creative
2007-01-09 05:02:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋