We have a wonderfull relationship...she came to me about 6 months ago and told me she had "feelings" for one of her girl friends....said, she is at the least bi.....now, she is a virgin and has only kissed one boy...so does she even know what sexual orientation she is? i told her i support her no matter what, it doesnt matter to me.....but she still seems to be struggeling with it....any suggestions?
2007-01-09 04:47:51 · 17 answers · asked by punkprincess 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship so first of all - good job mom! A lot of kids struggle with this and don't tell ANYONE. I think maybe it would help for her to know she is perfectly normal and that there's really no "right" or "wrong" answer.
I'd also explore what, exactly, she's struggling with. Is she struggling with her sexual orientation or is she struggling with how to handle her feelings towards this friend. Sounds like she'll be able to speak with you about it which is a terrific help.
There are a lot of centers/support for this. A lot of schools have the Gay Straight Alliance and that can be helpful. Someone mentioned PFLAG which is also great. There are youth centers as well, but you need to check with ANY youth center to see what the pervasive culture is (are the kids troubled, into drugs, or just good kids that need a place to be).
I don't know if you go to church, but sometimes kids will get messages about going to hell if they're gay from church. This, obviously, would be a good thing to avoid. Make sure you're in a gay friendly church.
I just really applaud your being so open and supportive. THAT is what will make all the difference in the world for her. Just tell her to take her time.
2007-01-09 06:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that she may be confused right now, but usually when you are gay, you know. At least that's what I've heard. 13 is a very tough age no matter what, so this is probably just extremely hard for her. I think you did the right thing by being supportive and continue to be that way. She will work it out in time and how wonderful that she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it. Give me your secrets, please! I'm having a baby girl soon and am terrified that I won't have a good relationship with her! Whatever you have done thus far has worked wonders. Keep up the great work and she'll turn out fine, no matter what her decision or orientation ends up being.
2007-01-09 04:55:47 · answer #2 · answered by 2boyzandagrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that at her age, it's completely natural to feel what she's feeling. MOST women go through stages where they are curious, and sometimes downright ATTRACTED to someone of the same sex. MOST women develop crushes on other women at some point in their lives. This is the most common when they are teenagers, and just coming upon puberty. When their bodies start to awaken, they REALLY awaken. Having feelings for another girl does not mean that she is definitely bi or gay. Maybe in the long run, it'll turn out that way, but it's going to be a while yet before she knows for certain whether she's straight, bisexual, or gay. Just let her know that whatever her feelings turn out to be in the long run, your only concern is that she is happy, and that you will welcome any good person into her life and your family when the time comes to do so.
2007-01-09 04:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing happen with my oldest daughter. I explained that most women have bi-sexual feelings. It has been made socially acceptable by the media for women to be bi. She came to me with this news about 6 years ago, she's 22 now, and she's still bi. But she's married to a great guy, that she's always been totally open with and the now have a baby on the way. So she's bi. Where does her life seem to be abnormal. Admitting it, and being open about it, with me and her partners has made her a happier and more whole person. I have no shame in her, so she has no shame in herself.
2007-01-09 05:02:41 · answer #4 · answered by JENNIFER M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh wow, many kudos to you to be so loving and supportive of her. A lot of bi/gay/questioning teens usually meet very negative views from parents - that is why a lot of gay teens kill themselves. This is a time when her hormones are going out of whack and she is trying to find herself. Perhaps suggest going to the library with her to find some books on the subject. I also encourage some good movies on bi/gay girls. There are a ton of them on school girls her age. Encourage her to join her school's gay/straight alliance club. I recall when I was her age my neighbor, who was a lesbian, went to a support group once a week to meet other teens questioning themselves. Teens need to know that they are not alone and there are others like them. You need to express that she does not need to settle on gay/bi/straight now or ever! She can love whom ever she does regardless of the sex. She will be struggling with it for a long time, but I hope the suggestions I made will help ease the pain.
2007-01-09 05:02:31 · answer #5 · answered by auburnc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is old enough to know if she is attracted to males or females. Take her to some PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) classes. One of the hardest things for people when they are coming out is that there isn't avyone around who has been through it. Letting her talk with some people who have already been through what she has can help her a lot. It will also help you to understand what she is going through and give you some people to talk to who have been in your situation.
2007-01-09 05:21:06 · answer #6 · answered by FlyChicc420 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
purely you realize your daughter properly sufficient and easily you realize to the quantity of have confidence you have along with her. i might say that if she is tremendously honest and honest and is familiar with the do's and don'ts of being abode on my own alongside with no longer beginning the door or answering the telephone (wish she has a cellular) then perchance. I say in case you intend on being long previous perchance a pair of hours that it is going to be ok, returned purely you realize how plenty have confidence you have in her and her determination making skills. whilst uncertain, go away it out. whether it skill taking her alongside, yet once you do no longer sense soft there's no sense in attempting. you does no longer be ok at your chum's abode and might probable decrease the nighttime short. happy you're questioning of all posibilities purely before leaping right into a decision..
2016-10-06 21:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to applaud you for your relationship with your daughter. I've seen way too many people on here with completely irrational and ridiculous reaction to their gay children, and gay people in general.
I don't know what to tell you because I've never been in your shoes, but, it sounds what you are doing is right. Support her. I did however, find a website that has tons of informatin for you.
Good Luck, and again. WELL DONE!
http://www.pflag.org/
2007-01-09 05:01:10 · answer #8 · answered by bon b 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's one of those things a person just has to work out on their own. I'm Bi and I was 14 when I admited it to myself, so she's not too young. She's actually pretty mature to be willing and able to admit it. Congrats to you as a parent for raising such an open-minded kid, and for fostering such a great relationship with her that she's comfortable enough to talk to you about it.
2007-01-09 04:56:48 · answer #9 · answered by tabithap 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one, because even if you and she are okay with it, she's in for a battle with the general public. Just let her know it's not something she has to share with everyone if she doesn't want to, but she doesn't need feel like she should deny it either.
2007-01-09 04:57:40 · answer #10 · answered by GirlUdontKnow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋