Should I leave her? I probably should have...?

Question

I have been seeing this girl for 3 years now, everything was going fine but she stayed "friends" with her ex. About a year ago she decides she is going to his parents house with him (several states away). Im thinking I should have left her then (and I was pretty close), even though she claims "we are just friends, nothing happened".

Well a week later she finds out "We are pregnant". I admit that it is most likely my child (looks a lot like me, we were not using protection). My name is on the birth certificate.

Now she is starting to go to parties at "her friends house" and not comming home until late the next morning, leaving me the newborn (I enjoy spending time with him).

I dont know what to do, if it wasn't for the baby it would be simple...I would leave. But we have a baby, house, and car in both our names? I dont make enough to support the baby or make the car payment that is both our names (I have my own car in my name). Please help.

Thank you for all your quick replies. I have confronted her about it and she says she has not cheated on me (but I dont know if I should believe her). I just wish I knew?

I dont know about the DNA test, I think they are pretty expensive.

Answer 1

Man, you are in a rough situation. First, if you have any doubt the child is yours, take him in for a test. Then, try to seek out a church leader or pastor. If he will counsel, suggest that you two sit down for counseling (even though it's not your fault and it's sounds like it would be mostly beneficial to her). Pastors will counsel for little to no money. Suggest that her behavior is starting to hurt you and that you feel like you two need to seek some guidance in order to have a healthy family and to bring up your child in the best environment possible. If she isn't mature enough to listen, you can either ride out the b/s, because most likely she is in a phase where she hasn't grown up yet, or you can get a lawyer's advice and split up. Get custody of the child, since she loves to party so much, and ask your family to help you raise it. Pray, man.

Answer 2

Sounds like it's time to downsize. Before you do anything rash set her up. Make sure others see her going out and at these places. They are called witnesses. Get pics if it's possible. Camera phones are all over these days. Have your friends take pics of her with this guy. Make sure some of the background shows so that you can identify where they are by the pic. Hire babysitters so that you can go and see where she is. Babysitters will be great witnesses. Just make sure the sitter is not a friend of hers. Keep a list of all the times and dates that she went out and for how long and where. This is extremly important. After you get plenty of evidence then call a lawyer or 2. Most of them will talk to you for the 1st half hour for free. Make a list of questions before you call. Call many of them till you get all the answers that you need. You may wanna mark which ones helped you most so that you could hire that one. Then eventually confront her and tell her that she either stays home and is the mom of your, meaning both, child or that she's going packing and that the kid stays. She can be charged with being an unfit mother. Just cause she popped one out doesnt' give her the right to go tramping around. And you should probably get paternity test done on the babe. I mean why bring it up and pay for it if it's not yours. Dump it back on her. I know that sounds cold but it is an expense. Make her worry about it. But that would be your choice. You should then either find someone to rent in your home, maybe a housekeeper, nanny type person. Ditch all cars except one for you. Downsize. Maybe you should sell the house too. You may have to if you split up. She's not worth it and now you are going to waste the best years of your life. No way. Get an apt. that you can afford. Call Catholic Charities. They will usually work with you to find care for the child. Maybe your parents will help. Her's might even help if they find out that what she did was so unbearable. You'd be surprised. good luck. Hope this helps

Answer 3

First you need to find out who the child belongs to. Have a paternity test, if the child is yours then you will feel better and have a chance of getting custody as well. She is using you for a babysitter, and your sitting there taking it. If the child does not belong to you, I would leave her. In the meantime, I would also put an end to the partying as of now. I would talk with her and explain that it hurts me, and inform her that if she cares whether you stay or go, she had better stop. I would be willing to watch the child, but not while she ran up and down the road. Talk to her and explain. Give her an ultimatum. She cannot refuse the DNA test. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to get a DNA test ASAP! You are really being naive about all of this "friend" crap. Are you that gullible? Really? This girl is playing you like a flute! Don't be so stupid as to ignore what is in front of your eyes. You signed the BC?! What were you thinking? You need to get that test!
Let's just review:
1. She hangs out with her "ex."
2. She went out of town with him.
3. She ends up pregnant and says "we" are expecting.
4. She left her newborn child to go with him out of town.
5. She parties with him regularly and comes home the next day.
Do I need to go on? Open your eyes!
Forget worrying if you could take care of the child alone, for the child may not even be yours. Get another car. Move into an apartment if you have to.
You are being really stupid for this girl. (Opinionating of course)

Food for thought: I went through that with an ex of mine, you know, the whole parenting thing. 6 years later, I found out that the child wasn't mine! I was heartbroken because I took care of this baby for that amount of time. It took a year of legal action, including hiring a lawyer as well as test and court costs. Better to pay those rather than years of support for someone else's child! Do the math. Wise up, man!

Answer 5

She sounds pretty shadey to me. I would really look into getting a DNA test. Save up for it if its too expensive. It's worth every penny. Think of the alternative: what if that baby isn't yours? You deserve to know. Your girlfriend sounds pretty imature. If I were you I would start thinking about plan B. Figure out what you need to do in order to go your seperate ways. It's a tough situation to be in, but you still have control over it.

Answer 6

Confront her as soon as possible and find out what is happening. If she is being truthful, get the relationship back on track and solve the problem(s). If she has been unfaithful, do what is best for your child - leave her, in my opinion.

Good luck! You seem like a nice caring guy, and I'm glad you enjoy spending time with your kid.

Answer 7

Yeah. If she is that inconsiderate, despite the fact that you told her that her suspicious behavior is making you uncomfortable, you should end it. My best friend is a guy and I sometimes stay at his apartment, but never when I'm in a relationship. Not because anything "happens" between me and my friend, but just out of consideration for the person I'm dating at the time.

Answer 8

I would say yes, but according to your financial situation, it doesn't seen possible. If it would work, just break up and stay together. That way, you can do your thing and she can do hers, jus don't bring ppl home.

Answer 9

do a paternity test first, and counseling

Answer 10

do what u feel..life is short..too short

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