How do I move on?

Question

My boyfriend (well, now ex boyfriend) was arrested saturday night for killing a man. I know that means he is possibly never getting out, and even if he did, I do not want my kids around that kind of person. I was so in love with him. I mean, he was "the one." Now that I've lost him, I don't know what to do or how to move on. We have been looking for each other for 7 years, and now that we finally found each other, he has to do this selfish thing. it was selfish, because he promised me he would just let it go. How do I move on? Please don't judge me because of what he did...he lead me to believe he was better than that.

toronto, i think you need to read my question a little better. what did i do? btw, i am reporting your loser self.

Answer 1

you had the wrong idea about him, it might be hard but the best thing to do is start over, just remember the things you liked about himand try to find that out in someone else, as well as learn from the mistakes you made with him.

Answer 2

Darlin, I would never judge you on a situation that you had absolutely no control over. To answer your question is tough, really tough, and the true answer lies only in one place... in you. First, look at your kids. I'm positive that you love them more than you could ever love this man. He made a mistake that changed not only his life, but yours and your kids forever. I know you may love him greatly, but if he were the "one" as you say, then he would have thought about you, his promise to you, and the life you could have together. Instead, he let his anger get in the way and ended up taking another man before his time. On a positive note, he may get out, it's actually a good possibility if the circumstances are seen as fit. This is obviously a side of him you did not know before and the truth is, sometimes people just snap. To move on, if you choose to, say goodbye. Go to him, tell him how he made you feel, explain to him that he caused you to leave by his selfish actions and reinvest the energy you put into loving him back into your kids.

I'll be praying for you. Good Luck. I hope this helps in some way.

Answer 3

Don't get hung up on "The One" thing. Obviously, he isn't it. This is life's way of setting you free from something that would only get much worse for you and more specifically, your children.

Often the hardest thing to let go of in a former relationship isn't the other person themselves, but what YOU came to believe/want them to be that they never fulfilled.

We set ourselves up with fantasy ideas and behavior patterns that just don't mesh with reality no matter how much we want them to. It's much easier to change your mind than change another person.

Take a mental step back from the whole situation and look at it as if you were a stranger or watching the story on TV. What would you realistically tell yourself to do if you were a disinterested 3rd party, especially with kids involved?

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time and it will take time for you to see this, but everything happens for a reason. Just be patient with yourself and seek as much support as you need to bring yourself and your children through it healthily.

Take care and best of luck!

Answer 4

Well Trisha there are many women who have found themselves in the same situation that you are in at present. Fact is (as you're already aware) that he will be behind bars for the rest of his life. If not when he does get out he will be someone completely different than you remembered him. Much like a death (no pun intended here) you will have to give the end to this relationship a grieving time. I worked as a federal prisoner escort for about 8 years and saw many men who had lost their loved ones due to the bad choices that had them serving life sentences. They also have to get over this loss and usually are pretty well adjusted to the fact that it is their fault that they find themselves alone. But a lot of women do continue to maintain a relationship while their man is inside. In Canada it is pretty easy to do as inmates earn the priviledge of courdual visits with their mates once they have been classified to be allowed such visits. It is very difficult though and depending a lot on your age, maturity, etc. it is probably in your best interest to end it. You may still want to maintain contact for a short while with this man, but be careful that he doesn't con you into staying faithful and visiting him in order to keep his unrealistic dreams alive. You have a life to live and hopefully will be able to continue on with it in as normal a fashion as imaginable. If necessary it may be wise for you to also seek some type of relationship counseling in order to help you put some closure to this relationship. I am not be judgmental to you or your man, but merely be realistic for a situation like you have found yourself in. Best of luck to you Trisha in grieving this loss.

Answer 5

It was selfish of him to do something stupid like that. He must get angry really bad and that's not good. I know it's hard for you to move on but you need to. I'm glad you don't want your kids around someone like that since he could influence them to do that. You don't need a man who does stuff like that ethier. You can move on. It's hard but over time you will. Just concentrate on you and your kids and keep busy. If he does get out then don't take him back unless he cleans his life up. It is possible for a person who does bad stuff like that and is a criminal to clean up their lives. But I wanted to say that over time you'll get over him and find someone better.

Answer 6

i'm sorry you're having to go through this, i know this must be very difficult for you. you're going to need a lot of time to mend these emotional wounds. i've been in a similar situation, at least in putting your love and trust into someone, and they end up being a completely different person than you thought they were. but what got me through it was time, and finding a way to trust that everything happens for a reason, and what's meant to be will be. just focus on providing a happy and stable life for your children and yourself, that's what matters most. best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Oh my goodness....that is crazy. Well, yes, obviously you can not be with a murderer. Who is to say that it won't be you next. The way you move is on, is just like any other break up. You need to take your time to adjust. Date around when you feel you are ready. It will take time. You will need to cry and hurt for a while.....Time is the only way to get over this.

Answer 8

I work with his kind all the time and let me tell you you need to move on. guys like him never change. the best way to move on is find another guy to take up your free time and try to forget about him. Somone else will come along that is the right guy

Answer 9

hunny if he truly cared he wouldn't have done this. you sound like you are so sweet. there is a MAN out there for you and your kids that will take care of your heart and care how you feel. that will lisiten to you. it is hard to let go, i know, but it gets easier over time. there will be a lot of crying and ice cream and fries. just remember your kids are the best that life gave you. don't shut them out.

Answer 10

He isn't "the One " then. someone is better out there for you. Someone who would of let it go instead of give in to temptation. so he is still out there. right now you think he was the one but there is someone else out there who is better and he will come in time. so get over this guy and be strong and patient. the one could be the next guy.