My daughter see's my male friend turned bf who i have just started seeing not quiet though(still leagally married) as her dad because he is the only constant male figure in her life other than my dad!I dont think she needs a dad who will be in and out which is what my husband whom i am seperated from will do.But my hubby is insisting on visitation rights even though he only ever took an intrest in his daughter when i started seeing my Aussie bf and I started the paper work for divorce!I was a model and he was a photographer a match made in hell!We seperated for the final time of our on again off again marriage after i gave birth to my daughter when she was not quiet 1.We cant stand each other!He is making my life hell because he does not want a divorce now!He is also an English citizen and am an American living in Australia!What can i do?
2007-01-09 03:56:19 · 13 answers · asked by Miranda W 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My hubby also wants to prevent me from traveling with her even for work because my daughter has come with me all over the world even South Africa.I want my new man to adopt my daughter after the divorce?
2007-01-09 04:02:54 · update #1
I have had to switch to 3 different lawyers because my daughter has two different passports one from U.S.A where she was born in NYC and the other from london where we got married.
2007-01-09 04:17:21 · update #2
You really need to see a lawyer. The only way for your bf to adopt your daughter would be if your husband agreed to sign away his parental rights. It doesn't sound like he wants to do this. She may just have to do like lots of other kids and have a dad and a step dad. A lawyer will be able to tell you what your options are. Best of luck.
2007-01-09 04:07:27 · answer #1 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to have more then one dad. The more adults that care for and love a child the stronger her roots. As a girl It will help her to choose a better mate. Where I live ( east pennsylvania, USA a middle class and farming area)
kids have no problem having what they call dad and real dad. Real dad is the one that is biological and dad is the one that is married to mom. It took me a while to understand it but Kids adjust.
All kids should have a right to meet their real dad. Otherwise they are left with tons of unanswered questions in their heads. It is hard to grow up norman and healthy when you have such questions. As a mom I am sure you want your child to grow up to be the best person they can be. If you try to keep them apart your child will grow to hate you. It is much better if they see and figure out on thier own what sort of person their parents are.
If you bad talk her real dad she will grow up thinking that half of her is bad. It is better to stay quiet then plant that seed in her head, I know because my kids dad is not one of my favorit people. I found it was better to grin and smile and just back away from any conversationg putting him down, no matter how much I wanted to chime in. I could tell that such conversations alway hurt my kid.
Proceed slowly after awhild your ex will tire of you and find someone new to mess with. Who knows maybe he will find an woman he likes then acutlly want the divorce. It sounds like he is just using the kid as a way to block your marriage. Any good judge will see though that.
2007-01-09 06:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by DDLynn l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, her biological father is her father. You cannot just decide that you know how he will react in regard to visitation and such in the years to come. Your daughter needs to know who her Father is. Right now it is much too early to decide on where your relationship with your b/f is headed. Get through the divorce and try to work on a civility between you and your to be ex, for your daughter's sake. Divorce is extremely emotional and right now you both are at fever pitch-time will cool the anger and hurt then you can work on the future. Only if your ex agrees can your daughter be adopted by someone (future husband). At least that is how it is here in NY. USA.
I have worked in the family court area for many years and have seen the hurt parents can inflict on their children when they try to use them to hurt the other spouse. Please think long and hard about it.
Of course, I am only answering from the little I got from your post. If your ex is violent or unfit then I would seek help in limiting his visitation to what is called supervised visitation where someone would be there when he sees your (both of you) daughter.
Good luck in the future.
2007-01-09 04:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made your bed so to speak and now you have a dad for your kid, which is not to your liking. Really does not matter what you think of him, it only matters that he is the real Bio dad and he has just as much right to see this child as you and to be known as her dad. If you are putting your daughters needs before your own then you will allow whatever kind of relationship, that the bio dad is capable of. He sounds like a jerk YES, but it does not change the facts. He is the dad, good, bad or indifferent. Try to work with him rather them against him and the relationship with his daughter may change to be gratifying to all of you. By fighting his involvement and then resenting him for not seeing her, is that not the pot calling a kettle black attitude. Your fighting him is not facilitating any relationship with his kid.
Tracylyn S
A mom with 6 kids and three dads, I know what I am talking about. Your Child Will Resent You Later If You Do Not Allow Her To Know Her Dad. Looking out for you on this one (Truly)
2007-01-09 04:09:56 · answer #4 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the kind of crap that drives me crazy. Your daughter deserves her father and has a right to her own perspective of him. (Yes, she will build it over time, not have it created by you and your bitterness) If he is a nitwit and doesn't see things the way you do and parents differently.....so what! As long as he does not hurt her or put her in harms way. You want to move her away from her father and have your new Boyfriend be her new daddy....how convenient for you, how nice, how special.
Did you ever think that he will learn through spending time with his daughter how special that relationship is and how fulfilling being a consistently involved father is?
Grow up!! Change your perspective. Take on your portion of responsibility that your marriage sucks....pathetic.
2007-01-09 06:12:52 · answer #5 · answered by Crozzlow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how BF feels about it. I think you should take it slow and tell your 2yr old that he isnt her dad. And your hubby does have his rights and a lawyer should be consulted. I got lucky. My ex got his rights terminated and now my new hubby is in process of adopting my kids. But your ex's prob is he's the type " I don't want you, but no one else can have you" type. File for divorce. Even if it takes a while to get it done. Do it for your sanity. And for your childs.
2007-01-09 04:12:16 · answer #6 · answered by themom95 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 12 and just met his biological father last May. I thought I was doing the "right" thing but I was depriving my son of who he is. His Father is his father no matter what, you can not change DNA. I am an adopted child and I grew up knowing I was adopted and loved. My mother was always honest with me that is why even though my son had not met his father I always told him the truth...nothing to hide because it will come back to haunt you!!!! Please be honest with your child. It is alot less devasting to grow up knowing the truth than to find out your mother has been lying to you about something so important. Good Luck!
2007-01-09 04:31:15 · answer #7 · answered by brandi from texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, learn to use commas and periods. Half of what you wrote was not understandable.
Second, legally he is the father and it should be that way, don't let you daughter think that your bf is the father, that will confuse her. Wheter you like it or not your hubby (that sounds to me like you still love him - what about " soon to be ex-husband") will get visitation rights.
2007-01-09 04:07:37 · answer #8 · answered by Kamy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter dos'nt hate your husband so try your very best to keep her out of your arguments. All the bad things you say and do and the same goes for him WILL come back to haunt you later. Let him come and go she'll learn on her own and believe me she will learn so don't push it. Travel as you please and leave it to him to catch up, he knew your lifestyle before he married you so let HIM deal with it . LOVE YOUR LITTLE GIRL.
2007-01-09 04:15:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She only has one father. It is wrong to let her think that your BF is her dad. Like it or not, he has his rights. You need to consult a lawyer.
2007-01-09 04:04:10 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋