19 & want a baby.?

Question

Me and my fiance are 19 & 18, we live together, and have been together for 2yrs & 4months ( jan 8, 2007). we have known eachother for 5yrs. we have some of the big things for a baby, ( high chair, crib, rocking chair, no stroller yet). we're NOT trying, because were not sure if we can yet finacially handle it, were just "preparing" so to speak. financially we are doing great right now. he wants to tell our parents. but i'm scared that our parents are going to freak out and think were trying and lecture us and all of that. what are your honest opinions. on telling out parents that we are "preparing" or buying baby stuff so that someday possible within the next year or two, we can have a baby, and your opinions on a younger couple having a baby so soon. if your a parent please give your possible reactions to this. we are still going to college, i'm taking a home study course and he will be going for 3 yrs. in 2007. this is exciting for me and i cant share it witn any1 cuz no1 knows.

Answer 1

Sounds like you have a good plan ahead of you.

I planned and got pregnant when I was 18, I knew I was ready for a baby and never had problems. My parents of course kind of already expected it since my boyfriend and I were living together. They were sad when I told them I was pregnant at 18, I'm sure they had higher hopes for me but my life never ended and I proved that to them, I had another baby at 21 ad I'm still finishing school and getting ready for law school. I am now a sngle mom and even though they got upset (especially with my second) I proved them wrong.

Im sure your parents might be concerned that you are preparing so soon, but if you assure them that you want to wait until the right time they will see how responsible you are planning ahead so soon that they will be much more at ease and leave room for excitement instead of worry when the great news finally comes.

If they get mad them whatever, they'll get over it. I say tell them, but stay strong and smart and prove that you are living your lives the smart way.

Answer 2

I'm not going to say you are too young, because I had my 12 year old when I was 19 too. I was in college and already married for a year when she was born. And I would say I was very mature for my age. But there is more to parenting than that. I was and still am an excellent parent to my four children starting from way back then when I was barely out of high school. BUT-I did not accomplish any of my own goals in life except for being a mom. I have not been able to finish school because of needing to work for money to live and I have also not been able to find my own self beyond the children since I put them first. And the stress of early parenthood is impossible on a young couple sometimes since you are not yet mature enough to handle everything even if you have money, you haven't experienced enough of the world yet to take care of another human. Her father and are divorced. If I could do it again, I would have waited for at least five more years before taking that leap. Please reconsider. You will be a great mom someday, but just wait a while.

Answer 3

THIS IS HONEST SO PLEASE TAKE IT THAT WAY!!!! I know exactly how you feel. I am now 40 now but wanted children all my life. As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I would babysit and after high school my first job was at a Day Care. I mean I love kids. I know that you may not want to hear this but just think about it...When you have a baby you will love it more than anything in the whole world, you will want the very best for this precious thing that you have brought into the world. The truth is parents that are a little bit older and established can give this baby more. Love is everything yes but there will be times that the child can have more from having parents just a little bit older than you are. More is what you will want for the baby that you will love so dear. It does not hurt anything to continue to plan and dream. But remember you have alot of time for a baby. You, your fiance and your baby will only benefit from waiting. I know at 18,19 you think you can handle anything but you will see you still have some growing to do yourselves. Good Luck and please think!!! I am a grown up yes but I can relate to you so strongly and being on the other side of it I can now see what you do not see yet! God Bless you...you will be a good mom when the time comes!

Answer 4

As a parent, I would advise against trying to have a baby until you're both finished with school. I've watched friends promise themselves they'll complete their programs, have a baby, and then never go back because it's too much work to try to do both. And I would absolutely recommend that you finish school because children tend to achieve the same level of education as their parents, so you'll want to set your kids up for success through your success.

I think preparing for a baby is responsible. If you're doing well financially right now, go ahead an purchase the expensive stuff (don't go bananas or anything, find a copy of "Baby Bargains," and take their advice on what's necessary and what's fluff).

But lay a sound financial foundation for yourselves. Finish school and get good jobs first.

Also, if you're preparing for a baby and you've been together for 5 years, I would seriously recommend you get married before you conceive. It's so much easier to be taken seriously by doctors, professionals (and your parents) if you're already committed to your relationship as a couple. If he's already your fiance, set a date, and tie the knot. If you don't have a lot of $$ for a big wedding right now, that's OK. You can get married at the county clerk's office and then have a nice honeymoon vaca.

Mostly: formulate a plan and follow through with it. Your parents are much more likely to be excited for you, even if you're young, if you have a plan: school, marriage, financial stability, THEN baby.

I hope this helps. I wish you and your fiance the very best.

Answer 5

Well, only you and your fiance really know what you want...but I must warn you..babies aren't all they are cracked up to be. They are a HUGE responsiblity and very expensive.

There is nothing wrong with collecting things for when you do have a baby, however, keep in mind that normally, you will get a baby shower. I didn't have to buy anything for my baby...everything (including crib) was a gift.

I don't see a point in telling your parents that you are collecting stuff for babies if your not trying to have one. It will just get them stressed out and cause arguements. Although, on the other hand, it will give them an oppertunity to talk you out of it.

I think that at 18 and 19, you are way to young! I would say both of you should finish college (even married) before even thinking about kids.

As you know, they are expensive. Even though you may be doing great financially right now...there are a couple things you should think about...

1. Because you are both in school still, are you guys receiving osap? Because that is debt that you will have to repay and they give you a lump sum (I got osap too) which gives the illusion that you are doing good financially when you go to the bank and you have $5,000. there.

2. When you have the baby, you will go on maternity leave (if you are currently working). I'm not sure where you live, I'm in Ontario. We only recieve about 55% of our wages. That is a huge cut.

3. Your so young! How are you going to handle all your friends going out and having fun and you having to stay home with the baby? I'm 27 right now, and I have a 2 1/2 month old. I love her to peices and wouldn't trade her in for the world however, it sucks having to stay home with her while everyone else is out having fun. My husband is a wonderful help with her and he stays with her while I go out when I want but when it comes to both my husband and I wanting to go out together...we can't. I don't trust many people babysitting...

Anyway, I think your way to young, you would be jumping the gun and you should wait until you have a career!

Answer 6

No way are you ready!!! You think the big things are high chair, crib, etc? You can buy things like that used at any garage sale.

The big things are.....
Are you ready to stay at home ALL the time, instead of going out with your friends?
Are you financially secure enough to pay for food, formula, diapers, baby care?
What about paying for doctor's visits? And day care?
Are you ready to sit up all night with a crying, sick baby?
Are you ready to stay home and let your BF go out by himself to run errands or go visit someone, or whatever,.. just because it's easier for him to jump in the car and go than it is for you to find a sitter at the last minute, or do all the necessary preparation to take baby with you?

Remember this... when a baby comes into your life, you lose the life you had, forever. Make sure you are mature enough to deal with not having a life of your own.

If I was your Mom, I'd throw the biggest tantrum! Cry, scream, yell, plead with you.... throwing away the best young years of your life at such a young age. Not good. You see, Moms who have been there know how hard it is. Right now, you can not even imagine what having a baby really means.

Answer 7

I' am 19 years old going on 20 soon. I truly think that yall should wait until yall are both mature enough to handle a baby. It may not look hard but it is, a baby is a lot of work. You said that you want to finish college well I don't know how you are going to do that if you are taking care of a baby.

All of the things that you and your spouse is buying for each other or things that you are spending on your self all of those things will stop. All of your money well go to the baby. The late night going out with friends, going to the movies etc. Would stop also, you and your spouse should really think about this and be smart about the issue.

A baby cost around 600 a month (not including your bills). You are still young so try to finsh school first and get yall self togther before rushing into things to quick.

However, lets say that yall do have a baby toghter then he changes his mind and that he don't want to be a father anymore ( not saying that he would; but hey things do happen). Then you well have to take care of the baby by yourself (you might be thinking that's ok because my family would help me out) that's good, but in the long run your panrents might not agree on yall having a baby in the first place (do you think now that they are goign to take care of it).

My bf was thinking about have a little family of his own, but I told him no because I'm not ready and I have not finsh school yet, nor I have not find a job in my carrier field. Also, I have told him that this is not the right time to do it anyway because, we are both still young and we still have a lot of growing up to do.....

So just wait until you finsh school and find a good paying job and both of yall are mature enough to handle a baby. Just remember you also have a lot of growing up to do yourself....

Answer 8

well hun it is truly up to the 2 of you. No one can tell you that you are ready or not ready. I am 24 I have 2 kids with my husband and we have been married for 6 years. Our first was born before we were married and that has never been an issue for us but some people dont agree with us or the way we did things. So when our first child was turning 3 I was 20 and we wanted another baby had our second alot of people thought we were nuts and crazy and ruining our lives but our lives are far from ruined. We have a nice house 2 nice cars and 2 amazing kids. So this is something you and him have to figure out. Good Luck! EVen if your young things can work out great!

Answer 9

Well I had to say at first I was a little shocked about your ages. But compared to other people I know your age and older, you seem to have thought about this more than most. I would wait until you are finished with college though. Having a newborn baby and school is not easy. You will also want health care and benefits for your child. Do you both also have jobs? Your parents will probably be shocked, they will ask questions about your finances, jobs, plans for the future, who is going to raise the baby (if you work will you have daycare or will you stay home). I would prepare yourself for these questions. They know what a big responsibility parenting is so I am sure they are going to want to know that you have real answers/plans for it. But it does sounds like you are making responsible plans. Good luck!

Answer 10

I understand your desire... but it sounds like you guys have a plan for the future. That should be the focus right now. Having a baby is very stressful finacially, emotionally, and physically. The demands of post-secondary school, and the transition from teenager to adult are overwhelming.
I think that if you're concerned about what your parents are going to think, then you are too young to have a baby. Try to hold off until all your schooling is done, and you are more settled into life. You will be able to enjoy your new little one much more when you have fewer stresses.

Good Luck!!