what's the funniest joke you've ever heard? i mean the kind that keeps you rolling over and laughing.?

Question

you'll win the favour of a fair maiden if you keep it clean.

you'll win the favour of a fair maiden if you keep it clean.

Answer 1

you might have read this one......but, still reproduced here for you.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times, I'll bet I could give it for you."

Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about antimatter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

Answer 2

hi.. here are a few things wich made me cry laughing.. 1. At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends... Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here... 2. In the bus:A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again. 3. At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people. Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you? 4. At a restaurant:When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together:When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big. Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money. 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping? Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron. 8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair... Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut? Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding...... 9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth... Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts? Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed. 10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks... Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke. Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames. lol..i found it funny..wat do u say?? gud day.. :)

Answer 3

A gentleman was beachcombing on the Golden Gate Recreation Area and came upon an antique lamp. He rubbed it and out came a Genie.

Genie said "Thank you, I have been inside the lamp since the last
Global Warming era when Alexander the Great was slaughtering peasants. I like to grant you a wish."


The gentleman said "Well, it sure would be great to have a bridge like the Golden Gate spanning from San Francisco to Maui."


Genie said "Hmn! A suspension bridge over the Pacific is a superly tough engineering feat. Do you have a more reasonable wish."


The gentleman paused and answered "I guess so. I wish all the women are not exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, Maddening and infuriating hags?"


Genie said "... Hm! You want the bridge to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"

Answer 4

these r the funniest jokes i have ever heard-

1.
anil's car battery went down.so he went to a mechanic to repair it.
the mechanic asked'exide laga doon?'to this anil replied,'abey,doosra side thera baap lagayega kya?'

2.a man went to a 5 star restaurant and ordered some food.while waiting for the food,he suddenly wanted to use the toilet.when he he went into the toilet,he found that the flush was not working.he wanted to no.2 badly but what could he do?when it was uncontrollable,he twoed in a newspaper and after searching for a place,placed it on the blade of the fan.relieved,he went back to his table.after a while he felt hot.he switched on the fan and at once wished he hadnt.the waste had spread all over the ceiling.seeing him,the waiter said,'i will give u Rs 100,if u tell me how u did this.to this, the man replied,i will give u Rs 1000 if u clean this mess now.

THE END

Answer 5

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question,"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

Answer 6

this wasnt a joke i heard, but i laugh every time i think about it. me and my aunt had heard one day that one of my cousins was going into surgery for a "tummy tuck"....i asked my aunt, "how does it work?" and she replied "well, i'm not sure how the procedure goes, but my idea of a tummy tuck is tucking my tummy into my pants." that had me rolling for weeks....REAL jokes come from life experiences....smile!

Answer 7

Whose had sex more then anyone else in the whole world?

George Bush he's fu*ked the whole world!

Sorry for taking your joke but it was funny!

Answer 8

one guy says to the hotdog saler "give me a hotdog and he says sure no problem"and guests whats?he went behind go take a woman that he take from beach and he says"here sons take her butttttt.

Answer 9

When people have clean noses what else do you find when scanned???

Fingerprints

Answer 10

That was not funny TECH, that was kinda stupid, plus you cant spell worth crapping