he needs and wants for nothing as it is but some day this situation will come about. but he doesnt need an unstable and violent influence in his life at any time in mine and other professionals opinions, your thoughts??????
2007-01-09 03:17:16 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As a mother of a 13yr old girl whose birth father is a drug addict, (he didn't start using drugs until about a year after we broke up), I know that you are in a very tough situation. I, tried whenever he was clean, to let him spend time with her because I did not want her to miss out or resent me. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Some people are just not meant to be parents, wether they have kids or not. Only you know what type of person she is. And only you can make the best choice for your son.
Good luck. And do not feel guilty if you decide not to let her around.
2007-01-09 03:32:34 · answer #1 · answered by Should be Working! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she recently made contact? If so I would see advice from a solicitor. I agree that if she was violent in the past towards yourself or your son she may still be the same or may have taken counselling. If you're not on good terms with the mother to start with then I can't see it improving too easily which will influence your sons opinion of her too. It would be good if your son was to know that his mother exists and is still around, still loves him but can't see him for whatever mutual reason you decide. It would be a shame to blank this woman out of your sons life, He may throw this back in your face at a later date and blame you etc.....
Its a shame when people break up especially when children are involved. But its not the child's fault, so don't punish the other parent through the child. Good luck. x
2007-01-09 03:30:47 · answer #2 · answered by Emma L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a pretty thing but unfortunately the mother has legal rights and should she choose to, she can force the issue. It could be an awful thing. I'm so sorry for you but unless she gives up her parental rights legally there is always the open chance. You might want to look into your legal rights now, see if you can stall things, before it becomes a really big problem.
If you have no choice now, you can set up times for her to come and see them but don't let her be with them alone, keep the kids safe and the visits always supervised - that would be the best alternative for the kids.
2007-01-09 03:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by Isabel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you legally have sole custody of him, his mother has NO rights, and if she wants to see him it is totally up to your discretion. IF you do not have sole custody, I would file for it so in case this happens you have recourse and the law would be on your side. Also, the absent parent is ALWAYS obligated to pay child support to the custodial parent, which would be you. I would file for child support and sole custody. If she fights it, then it is up to the court to decided how and when visitation would occur. If you do not take these steps, anything could happen in the future and you want what is best for your child and whether you like it or not, the court is the best way to handle these things. She IS the mother and has obligations financially according to the law at the very least. In most cases you do not need a lawyer, but if you wish, you could hire one. Get that stuff taken care of ASAP.
2007-01-09 03:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by adrixia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it depends on if she is a threat to him. I f she does drugs or is just plain crazy I probably wouldn't chance it. But if she is fine then I would let her see him as long as you are there. If he tells you he doesn't want to see her, then I would ask why and listen to his answers. In the end you will know best. My mother left me and my 3 brothers with my dad when I was 9. He raised us alone and I haven't seen her since. She is a drug addict and I don't know if I ever want to see her. You should just keep some people out of your life. I hope this helps. Good Luck! Just think about what is best for your little boy.
2007-01-09 05:58:33 · answer #5 · answered by pre-k teacher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a very touchy situation. Speaking only from what I have personaly seen in my life. Children that learn they were UNWANTED by either parent suffer detremental social problems, later in life.I truly understand your veiws and I don't disagree with you or your opinon of the matter. Now is the time,before he gets older to get professionl help with this matter, only for the mental health of your son. I lost my son to a motorcycle accident 3 years ago and Truly I understand your love and your need to protect him. Don't face this alone, as to what you may feel as revenge against his mother for not haveing motherly instincts. Good Luck, and God Bless!
2007-01-09 04:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
this one is a little touch and go for me but i will give it my best answer. i am also a single parent of three. the oldest farther and l have a good relationship. he is not a active member of my family but he is active in our sons. that is the big issue here. do you want the questions that the child will be asking as he or she gets up in age. and they will ask you queations about the absent parent. i do say do not under any sercumstances talk down to your child about its mother. it will make you look bad in the childs eyes in the long run. and if you decide to not include the mother in the child life be ready for hard times. its hard enough for single moms it is even harder for single dads. be as straght forward as you can with the child and be as honest as possible with the questions that he or she will ask about the absent parent. give the child as much love as possable. and lastly for whatever reason she left you and the child she is still that babys mom. and you will have to deal with it at some point and time. be kind to her when you have to be around her with the child. be kind to her no matter what because it makes you the better person and you always look good in the child eyes. and he need to see the possative part of you at even at you worst time and in this situation that would be around her.i wish you the best in you journey of fartherhood (as a single dad, enjoy your son.)
2007-01-09 03:56:30 · answer #7 · answered by Sonya K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
regardless of whether she walked out on him, you need to let her she him, she does have a right! the same is to be said if this situation was vice versa. Both parents need to be part of the childs life. You say he needs and wants for nothing, well he needs a mum!. Try supervised visits at first, then take it from there.
2007-01-09 03:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by mummy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't. I have a friend with a 2 year old who is in this situation. His parents get to see the baby but he never has. I wouldn't consider this parent to be anything but an acquaintance. They did not help raise this child in any way. Why should they get to see what a wonderful person he has turned out to be?
2007-01-09 03:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by Cadillac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes u should because it will clear your conscience as a father she would never be able to say u never gave her a chance 2 be in his life,now if she up and leave again then u will at least b able 2 tell your son a answer when asked where is my mom, because eventually he will ask and as a child he is due an honest answer. there is nothing like a motherless child, and a dog could have puppies but it doesn't make it a mother.keep it in mind
2007-01-09 03:31:48 · answer #10 · answered by Empress D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋