The daughter-in-law has never given us a chance. Her and her mother are very controlling and jealous. Our son cannot visit with us , his brother or anyone else in the family. This have been going on for 3 yrs. We also have not got to see our granddaughter. Anyone with any advice, please let me know.
2007-01-09 02:37:01 · 23 answers · asked by dory 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
maybe she is afraid you will get along and her daughter will like you.
2007-01-09 09:48:58 · answer #1 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Words must have been exchanged that offended someone in the family. Even if you don't know what offense there is something that has been said that was taken the wrong way. Talk to the son and find out what happened. Sometimes in family dynamics you just have to move on with your life. This is typical a lot in families and dysfunctional as it is it is very common. Send birthday gifts when it is their birthdays including the daughter in law. Always be kind. Write notes about how much you care for them. People in families will always find something they don't like about you. Painful as it is you have to move on and know that there are people who just have issues and it is all about them usually. Take care.
2007-01-09 02:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Execusuite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much that YOU can do, nor is there much you should HAVE to do. It is your SON who needs to step up to the plate. Why can't your son visit with you? Because his wife tells him he can't? He is half of that relationship and he loves you and has the right to see his family AS WELL as share his daughter with you. I would talk to your son and tell him how you feel and encourage him to step up and tell his wife that this nonsense has to stop. SHE chose him, and therefore, SHE chose his family as well. You are now ALL family and she needs to understand that. She has absolutely NO RIGHT to keep your granddaughter from you and your son does not have to do whatever his wife says. He is 50% of the relationship as well.
I wish you all the best and hope that talking to your son will help him make a move that he should have made three years ago.
2007-01-09 02:43:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anne C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very sad indeed. I feel that we don't have enough of the puzzle here. Something happened sometime, somewhere.
I know a woman can have a strong influence on her man and a Mother can lose her Son forever. I have seen that happen when there was to much interference from in laws.
If you have brought your son up in a loving christian home you can rest assured that one day the pain of this issue will touch him & you will see a change. Just pray and leave it in Gods hands.~~ Jill
2007-01-09 03:09:27 · answer #4 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really isn't nice to shun a child from the indulging love of grandparents. 3 years! And your son hasn't rebel? Unfortunately, your son is the one who has to take control.
This is a marriage (balanced partners) problem more than an in-law relationship problem. Your son has to own up to his share of the marriage and say: I want to see my parents and brother too. Make her stand in his shoes, and contemplate how painful it is not to be able to see her mom or sisters.
Discuss this with your son, but eventually it's his decision to make. If this has been going on for 3 years, I suspect something sick is going on. No happy healthy human being can endure being so controlling (the wife) and being so controlled (your son). They need help, but they have to first realize that they are in need of change.
I hope your son and his wife will understand how unfair this is to you and to their kid(s). And I hope they will decide to pursue a healthier relationship with each other and with people around.
2007-01-09 03:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by pathanChe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to eliminate the bad feelings that underly this. Reach out, and try to transcend your differences. I suspect that the way you have been approaching this problem has somehow empowered your D-I-L. She gets some sort of satisfaction. Your link to the family is your Son. Make sure that you make the conditions right for HIM to come to you. Families that are estranged from each other are always that way for a reason. Strong words or whatever can be put behind us but it takes effort. You may have top bend over backwards to fix yours. You may have to change your thinking and your actions. Remember you can never make anyone do something. You can, however; make them want to. Good luck.
2007-01-09 02:46:34 · answer #6 · answered by great gig in the sky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathise with your very difficult position.
I would suggest that you perhaps write a letter to her telling her you are not her enemy and you wish to be part of the family. Invite her and your son round to dinner.
You could also look at someone to act as an intermediary and see if you can establish some common ground to build on.
Failing that, the courts are more receptive to granding visitation rights to grandparents and it may be you need to petition the court to do so in this case.
There is no easy solution here. You can only hope your son realises in time that way he is being controlled and comes to his senses.
2007-01-09 02:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by rodandalisonthompson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your "problem" is your son. He has no balls. He's the one that can change this seriously screwed up family dynamic. Also, you need to play hardball with these creeps. Most states will enforce grandparent rights. If they are denying you visitation of your grandchildren you may have legal recourse. An extreme step, but certainly one that should be on the table. If your son is putting up with this crap he's a real loser ... Sorry, but he is.
2007-01-09 02:47:32 · answer #8 · answered by morahastits 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there more to the story? people don't cut you off for no reason at all. If your son wants to visit you he will visit whether his wife likes it or not. If you are really that desperate plan a family meeting so that you can at least make arrangements to visit with your grandchild.
2007-01-09 02:59:16 · answer #9 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son needs to grow up and take a stand. Until then there isn't much you can do. I'm sorry you haven't been able to see your granddaughter.
2007-01-09 02:46:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why have your waited three (3) years to confront this question?
the truth is that maybe you have not endeared yourself to this
daughter in law, and she has been hurt by you, maybe not verbally
but indirectly...
I think you can salvage this situation by swallowing your pride
and starting over again...Call your children and arrange for a nice
lunch, a shopping date, a movie or something that you both can
share.
Now you are entitled to grandparents rights, depending on the
state you live in but don't go there yet....I really think that your
daughter in law will come through if you show a little affection,
attention, etc....Good luck to you,
2007-01-09 03:08:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋