I discovered my fiancee was seeing another woman. He begged me to forgive him, and told me he wants me and no one else, he wants children and to get married. Everyone tells me once a cheat, always a cheat. The pain he put on me was almost unbeariable.
2007-01-09 02:23:24 · 14 answers · asked by kitty cat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
get away now! - you want to take a chance on STD's, Paternity suits, loss of income or job possiblities because of his bawdy behavior?
2007-01-09 02:27:49 · answer #1 · answered by hiding1959 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear that kitty cat:( People make mistakes, especially when they are young. A lot of people get married before they truly discover themselves or what it takes to be a good husband or wife. Life is one big lesson and if there is one thing that people need more than anything is forgiveness. If anyone thinks they have never hurt anyone or never will, they are probably fooling themselves.
I know a few people who have had this happen in their marriages and they are now actually closer than ever due to the fact that they had to face up to what they did and it made them wonder why they went through with it. So if you both do really love each other talk it out, get help if you need it, read some books on the topic and try to fill in what's missing if it can be done. But a lot of time it's either someone not being mature enough or a mid life crisis, neither of which people want to face.
Once someone has asked to be forgivin though I feel you should give it another chance. Keep the leash short and stay busy with each other. no more nights out without the partner. Make time for the two of you.
Don't give up.....unless it can't be fixed. If you can fix it you'll come out ahead, if he's just faking and really doesn't want to change then you have to cut him loose. However if he is sincer and feels terrible, then you may have made more progress in your relationship than if it had not happened. Sometimes these events can alter the dynamics of a relationship so that it works out to your advantage. But remember, once you have beat him up psychologically enough that you feel like you've gotten it off your chest, then burrie it. Period. No one needs a terrible reminder that they were a creep.
Good Luck, and Best Wishes,
with love,
Woody
2007-01-09 10:26:58 · answer #2 · answered by rooster2381 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah I cheated on my husband before and i told him about it we had a really hard time after wards but he forgave me and I have never looked at another man again since. The reason for me cheating is that my husband was not showing me any attention and he was being really mean and self absorbed I tried talking to him but he just said I was being childish and I needed to find something to do with my time other than worry him with my insecurities i felt very hurt and rejected then I met someone at work and we became close he started to see that I was upset and took a interest in me. He did things for me and with me that I wish my husband would do we started to spend more time together and I started to really like him. even though we had slept together twice it didn't change the fact that I was married and that I would have to tell my husband. when I told him he didn't react like I thought he would but we got though it and I have never looked at another man and now my husband listens to me when I have a problem or when I feel he 's neglecting me. so everything is okay as far as the other person go we still work together and we still talk to each other at work only but we keep it on a co worker level he was also married.
2007-01-09 10:44:37 · answer #3 · answered by Spacious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too was once in your situation. My husband and I were married for only two years when he began to cheat on me with his ex-girlfriend. It crushed me, for he was my World. We had a new son at the time and I just couldn't believe this was happening to me. I packed up and moved out. He began calling me and begging me to take him back, that he loved me and made a huge mistake. After seeing him a few times, and missing him each night, I went home. We tried counseling, but never got anywhere with it. I was very suspicious and my trust for him was broken. We took it slow and worked on our trust issues, and some how we made it, we have now been married for ten years and the only thing that kept me going, was understanding that men are only human and make mistakes. I wrote this off as a mistake for husband. Trusting he will never hurt me like he did 8 years ago. I am not going to lie, it still hurts me, I still think about what he did to me. I try not to think about it, but sometimes I do. So this pain you are having, will eventually heal, but it is going to leave a permanent scar. You have to think about if you can truly forgive him or not, cause if you can't it will never work. If you love him enough to write this off as a mistake, then you two may have a chance at making this work. You two have a rough road to travel, but if you truly love eachother, you'll make it, it's just going to take alot of healing power! Good luck!
2007-01-09 10:41:41 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's something your going to need time to figure out. Your going to have to either forgive him and let him spend the rest of your life making it up to you. Or decide it's something you can't , will not ever be able to get past and move on.
Either way, I would not rush into either decision and make sure all ties with this woman are broken. Change cell #'s , email accounts and ect, if that's what it takes to keep her out of your life. At some point your going to have to decide either you trust him or you don't. Living with someone you don't trust is not living a good life. Good Luck!
2007-01-09 10:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by pearl28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes but not with out the support. in the same way an alcoholic can give up alcohol a guy can give up fooling around but it can be just as hard. Men have not changed in thousands of years and the answer for a man to do what is right and be an honorable man hasn't changed either and that is to serve some one bigger then himself. not a popular concept in this day in age but Christ has always called on men to serve him by being of the mind to love his wife and be faithful to her.
hope this helps
2007-01-09 10:32:59 · answer #6 · answered by David 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most often cheating is a hard habit to break, but it is possible, and some people do learn from their mistakes. I think you should not give up unless it happens again. Make sure he knows what he has done to you, and then give him ONE more chance. If it happens again, you warned him and he deserves nothing else from you. But I think everyone deserves a second chance.
But remember a second chance doesn't mean a third, and fourth, and so on. Everyone should be able to redeem themselves, but no one needs to have their guts ripped out, so be firm on your decision, and don't beck down if it happens again.
2007-01-09 10:30:15 · answer #7 · answered by stickboy_127 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care what anyone says. People are human and everyone deserves a second chance.
Maybe that other gal was just a booty call. Most men will take advantage if not married.......that's the truth. That's Man Law.
2007-01-09 10:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by Pat B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, for me you get one chance. If he's cheated once there is always a chance it could happen again. Ultimately it's your choice but at least you know what you've let yourself in for
2007-01-09 10:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by ChocLover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with your friends...and from experience...i truely loved this man..he promised me the world..we got married and i found out he cheated on me before we were married and after... i forgave him because i loved him and he promised never to do it again..not even two weeks later i got a phone call from the girl saying that they were still messing around and that she was pregnant...
move on..find someone that will be really true to you...
good luck.
2007-01-09 10:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by luvutaz1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
children and marriage mean nothing. Make this guy prove himself before having kids. If you have kids make damn sure you are ready to take care of them by yourself. I think that is healthy in any relationship to make sure you are taken care of by yourself first! You can't be loved if you don't love yourself.
2007-01-09 10:27:32 · answer #11 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋