Is it possible to be happy again?

Question

I'm a freshman in college and am having a very tough time. My girlfriend of 18 months who I spent every day with broke up with me and telling me that we both need to regain identity. She told me "for now" and "I still have hope".... but I know I could never go back out with her till I regain Identity and become fully happy here in college. The problem Is I'm increadibly shy... like even with my roommate. I feel like I dont know how to talk to anyone... It's kinda lonely..Not to be a whiner..but I don't have too many friends here and it's already the second quarter of college. I know I'm capable of being happy. The 18 months I had with my girlfriend were amazing...They were so carefree. We both agree. But since college started everything is so hard. I havn't talked to her much since the break. My parents are very supportive but I need to learn how to talk to ppl and I want this girl back...I need help and suggestions. Thanks

Answer 1

1) Your problem (I hate to call it a problem, it's really just a maturity thing), is not your x-gf, but rather you shyness.
2) I would guess she broke off because of it.. expecially if she is an outgoing kind of person.
3) Shyness:
- this basically comes from a lack of self esteem... You don't feel worthy of (whatever)... That sucks!!!! But it's o.k. for now...
4) How can we fix it???
- I suggest you print this out or copy it if you can't print it.. Then refer to it every 6 to 12 months and revisit how you feel about what I'm about to say...
4a) First off, you are in college; This tells me your approx. age and maturity level.. Note: maturity isn't just getting older, it's about personal growth.. Personal growth in character is YOU DISCOVERING YOUR ESSENCE AND MAKING SOME DECISIONS ABOUT THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE, THEN TAKING CONCIOUS STEPS TOWARDS BECOMING THAT PERSON. Your personna if you will.
- Take a look around in the adult world.. you will find all kinds of different personnas. e.g. Jocks, serious, playfull, business, shy, outgoing, etc.
- Observe the different types and how they act... Understand that how they act is not necessairily "who they are".. but rather, the personna they project... they may know this, or it may have just developed based on their surroundings growing up..
e.g. you are shy for whatever reason, the reason doesn't matter.. What does matter is you don't want to be shy. You do want to be more "outgoing" as well you should... To be successful in life and "full of self confidence" is not a shy thing, it's an outgoing taking life head-on with confidence thing.. and YOU CAN DO THIS. Pay attention to Donald Trump for an example.
O.K. I understand it's all about "the girls" now, so I will switch gears and address that issue.
1) Women don't want a guy that worships them and/or follows them around like a puppy would.. WHAT THEY DO WANT is a guy that is self confident in himself and knows who he is... (you will want that in a woman as well). This is a fact and you can observe it in the world... A woman with a puppy, will treat him like a puppy.. A woman with "a man" will treat him like a man..
2) A man wants a woman for who she is... not just sex, or a good time, etc... He will treat her like a human being and give her whatever respect she earns through her actions... some are tossed aside because they just don't have any character.. (I refer to these as BARBIES).. they have no character and are all about "how do I look" rather than "do you like who I am"... Barbies have no idea whatsoever of who they are.
O.K. I've blabbed long enough so in closing,
You are shy because you don't know who you are yet... That's exactly where you should be at this stage in life... It's also time for you to start learning about yourself i.e. "who are you?" AND "who do you want to be?"... Do some observing, make some decisions, and get on with life...
I hope I helped and have a wonderful life...
- GJM

Answer 2

Interesting reason to break up. To regain identity. did she feel that she was losing her own identy by being with you? Did she feel that you were losing your by being with her? Being away from home hasn't helped the situation. I know it can be incredibly hard, but you need to try to set her aside. Concentrate on school. Believe me, no girl is worth losing your mind or your education over.
Force yourself to be more outgoing. But not overbearing. Go out with people you are in school with. Ask a few questions because you might run in to someone who has the same interests as you.
Then there is the chance of meeting a girl who will appreciate your identity.

Answer 3

hi sorry to hearken to with regard to the disillusioned which you're experiencing on the 2d. It would desire to be very unsettling before everything having this affair turn your international the different way up and then looking your self on your guy or woman after 23 years. My propose could be to not rush into something. My ex had an affair at the same time as i replaced into 6 months pregnant with our 2d baby, me myself individually couldnt discover it in my heart to forgive him. I spent 4 years after that relationship re-learning myself and that i think of it replaced into the main suitable undertaking i'd desire to have performed. It has made me a lots more advantageous guy or woman. I even have faith that if somebody will cheat as quickly because it is going to ensue back. in case you think of you may forgive and have confidence your husband and supply him a 2d possibility then stable success yet you will definately want some variety of councelling formerly i could circulate him back in. You in actuality would desire to study to talk efficiently and to bypass back to fundamentals ie relationship and attending to appreciate one yet another as quickly as back. I certainly have heard that some relationships can recover from affairs and be even more advantageous for it. stable success :-))

Answer 4

Focus on your studies and yourself for a while. You have to learn to like yourself before you can be a good partner or friend to anybody else. It sounds like your g/f knew that you needed to work on your confidence and if you do, then things may work out between you. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone sometimes to move forward. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is no hope...for her. Learn to live. Do you love your work in college? Are there any girls around? Do you like kissing with beautiful girl? So.... look around. You are not old and sick, put that in your mind, and you will be OK.

Answer 6

Yes, but it takes time.