A few days ago I met up with some relatives for lunch. We were all having a nice time eating, then they all brought up the topic of kids, and why me and my hubby don't have any. Mind you, these were my family and also my hubby's family. Anyways, they all just attacked me all at once and said some pretty hurtful (and FALSE) things. They were saying how we should be ashamed of ourselves because we've been married for over 3 years and having no kids and that it's not because of my husband, its all my faut we don't have kids. I was pretty hurt because they were being rude and said stuff which was not true, was it weird that I cried?
2007-01-09 01:47:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow, what a bad thing to happen! I'm not sure why your relatives would have done this - it is NONE of their business to even comment, much less criticize. I don't know why they would think this was something to criticize. When i was first married my m-i-l didn't like me and the worst thing she could say was that I laughed too much - like this is something bad?? I don't know why anyone would criticize you for not having kids yet, but like another poster advised you, you might want to not go to lunch with these people. If you do have contact with them and they begin to say rude things again, make sure you have some things ready to say AS SOON AS the subject comes up. Try saying these things pleasantly at first, but if they persist you might have to be increasingly firm. Here are a few suggestions:
--'Thank you SO MUCH for your concern! My goodness, everyone loves babies, don't they! I am looking forward to when we have our own little ones, and as soon as I am expecting, I will be sure to tell the whole family! I know you'll all celebrate with me!' [Then change the subject.]
--if they persist: 'Wow, you sure are into babies today, aren't you? What kind of things went into your decision as to how many to have and when to start?'
--if they persist: 'I can see that you had really good reasons for when you chose to start your family! Planning is so important, I can see why you did it. We've planned, too, and are not ready to bring a baby into the world yet.'
--if they STILL persist in hounding you, then you need to be more firm at this point; you have given them indicators that you've already made the decision, and they are ignoring this, so you need to get progressively more firm. One thing to remember is that the issue is NOT whether you have made the right decision or not, so do NOT be drawn into defending yourself - the issue is whether or not they have the right to criticize you,and they do not. Try not to burn any bridges, though - these people are your relatives - but do set boundaries. I think that you were probably just caught off-guard the other day and it was hard to think of things to say, plus you were not emotionally ready to be attacked that way. With planning, I think you can probably survive these relatives.
2007-01-09 02:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by Cris O 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not wierd at all. In fact, your husband should have given you more support. Where was he and why didn't he put a stop to it? They had no right to question why you have no children. You didn't mention if you wanted any or why you don't have any, but many couples want to have children within a few years of being married. However, this is a personal choice. There is no reason to feel ashamed because you have no children after 3 years of marriage. My first wife and I waited 5 years to have children. Being married for three years is still a stage where you two are finding out things about each other. Maybe you don't want any children just yet. Maybe you can't have any or maybe your husband can't. No matter what the reason, no one has the right to question it. They sound like they could be a nice family, but they also sound extremely insensitive. Its none of their business.
2007-01-09 10:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by David L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's weird at all that you had an intense emotional reaction to an intense emotional situation. What I do think is weird is the families idea that it's any of their business what you and your husband decide (or can physically do) about having kids.
You need to remind them next time that they may not know all the details. And if they are a christian family to go home, read their Bible and see how many very blessed women in history did not have children until they were much older-actually beyond child bearing years.
2007-01-09 10:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by penhead72 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not weird. very sad. Some people just don't realize that couples can TRY AND TRY for years and not be successful at getting pregnant. There are many doctors in every big city of the world devoted to helping people conceive a child. It is one of the least understood social problems of our modern society.
I once had a student who was an obstetrician / gynocologist. He claimed that conception difficulties would get worse and worse in our modern culture, due to the chemicals and artificial fertilizers that we use nowadays. They go very deep into the soil and affect our food in ways that are harmful to the reproductive systems of humans in the WESTERN world. These practices are not so prevelent in Asia yet. but soon.
Good luck to you and your husband. Try to have some funny remarks planned , (to CHANGE the subject tactfully) because this subject will rear its ugly head again someday.
2007-01-09 09:53:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that was mean but I know families are like that.. not many in an age of contraception and abortion but they still exist.
If you can't have kids you can't have kids.. if you do want some you can look into adoption.
But believe you me if my relations attacked me like that I would be all over them. I would tell them if God wants us to have kids then He makes that decision not the likes of them!
I was married over 3 years before I had my first child and nobody said anything to us thank goodness!
btw avoid going to lunch with those people they are bullies!
2007-01-09 10:00:12 · answer #5 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO. Your family, as well as your husband's family should be supporting you about your decision to not have kids as of yet. The decision and timing can only be you and your husbands.
Please don't let them pressure you. They weren't thinking of your feelings at all. They are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.
It was only natural to cry from the verbal abuse that you received. Take care.
2007-01-09 09:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by Deborah 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A little not that you werent justified its just I would have been pissed. My wife would have blew a gasket if anyone butted their nose into our business so blatantly. Was your husband there. I dont know. I would have been pissed.
2007-01-09 09:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by willy g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋