Neighbor girl is ALWAYS at my house!?

Question

Ever since we moved in (last month) the neighbor girl (5) is ALWAYS here.

She lives with her aunt, and every day when she gets home from school, here she comes. At first, I didn't say too much, but she NEVER wants to go home. Sometimes on the weekends, she will come over first thing in the morning and will not leave (no one will come and check on her either) until well into the night.

I am getting very irked at basically being a free babysitter. Now that my son has started riding the bus, her aunt feels that it is my responsibility to get her on and off the bus.

This child is mean, rude and will not listen to a thing. She has broken toys, lied about my son hitting, pushing, biting and everything else.

I did not know the aunt before we moved in here, and I still have not had very many conversations with her.

I am losing my mind over this, I am trying to be nice, but it is not working.

She doesn't feel attatched to my family. A neigbhor asked me not long after I moved in had I "met" her yet. I was too busy to read anything into it, and I get the impression that this is a common thing with her.

Answer 1

Did you ever ask her why she does not want to go home? Maybe she just feels attached to your family.

Answer 2

People have offered some great advice here..I'd like to add a few points.

My sister is like you, very nice. I'm the "mean one" and she calls me for help. She is always being taken advantage of and ends up giving free food and babysitting services to half the neighborhood children.

The main focus is that this girl is NOT nice to your son. So she has got to go. Who cares about the relationship between you and the AUNT. Your son's feelings are what is most important. It seems his life would be better if the little girl were not intruding in his life so much. You have already moved to a new home, new school and now a new annoying brat who makes herself at home? No way!

Stop the girl in her tracks. Tell her she can't come over because she is not nice to your son. If the Aunt questions you (why would she have the right anyway?), just tell her that for now the two do not play together well and perhaps when she grows up they can be friends later on. Your son needs time to adjust to his new surroundings. CASE CLOSED.

Answer 3

To start with you better go over to her house in a friendly way and have a talk with the aunt. Why is this child with the aunt? Where are her parents? Please feel free to ask very personal questions when the child happens to be spending so much of time at your place.

Maybe there is something about this aunt of hers that makes her not want to go back home OR it could be the regular kind of a household she misses greatly and finds stability at your place and is attracted to it and wants it. Having said that, she is not your responsibility (although you can continue to be kind to the child). Tell her that your son needs to work on his homework and other excuses and lead her to the door and get her going home and watch her through the window until she goes back into her house or escort her back home. Lay down the rules for her to stay (for how long) or not to stay at your place and kindly but very firmly deal with her.

You got to go talk to the aunt. And make sure to tell her to be there to put her niece on the bus and pick her up when she comes back because you are unable to concentrate entirely on your son. At the same time offer to get her on and off the bus ONLY when her aunt has an emergency of some sort.

I hope the aunt is nice one to this girl and there are no hidden issues that this child is facing.

Answer 4

I have had this problem it seems everywhere I've lived. I feel for you. At first having kids over all of the time seemed OK, but then your patience wears thin and you find yourself on edge about everything, at least that's what happened to me. It wasn't the kids fault I realized, it was mine for not setting limits. So now I've got it down to once a week or so (they are my kids friends) and that seems to be a happy medium. When they come over un-announced, I answer the door and say,

"I'm sorry sweetie, the kids can't play today". Or "Their grounded from friends this week because they didn't clean their rooms when asked". They say OK and go home, simple as that.

Then when they do come over we enjoy having them because we haven't seen them in a while. Our kids like it better too, neighbor kids and them started fighting alot more when they were around each other so much, but not anymore at all.

This works for us, and we've become friends with several of their parents, they've actually helped me out a couple of time's by watching mine while I run to the store, and I do the same for them. Maybe you should invite the Aunt over for dinner and try to get to know her a little. Having good neighbors is priceless, so I hope you can find a solution that works! Good Luck!

Answer 5

I believe that your kindness has been taken for weakness. If this child has lied on your son, you need to make sure she does not come to your home any more. The next major lie to be told will be that you or your son has "touched" her and that is something no one needs when there is no truth to it.

You need to inform the guardian of this child that you do not and will not tolerate the behavior of a child or parent that does not respect your home and those who live there.

You may have to be nasty in a nice way, but you need to make everyone involved aware that you are not a push over.

Ever bother to ask the seller/renter of where you just moved into why the place was available?....Have a great day and hope all works out for you.

Answer 6

well--first of all I am wondering why this child is wandering all over at stranger's homes--what is going on at her own home?...I hope all is well there---Whatever the case-- & keep your eyes open--I don't think it is your responsibility to deal with her--You can say--firmly, but politely--So-and-so--it's time for us to do blank--we need some family time alone now--etc...and just nicely show her the door--tell her--we'd love to see you next week some time--and plainly tell that to her aunt--also give her aunt fliers from things like after school programs--the boys and girls club etc...maybe they don't know about other community resources...other than that you will just have to tell her that your son is not available for playing--You cannot avoid being assertive about it...You have a right to choose and be selective about your son's playmates...

Answer 7

this is only a child maybe she enjoys being at your house maybe she don't wanna go home for a reason she could be being ignored or abused that's just awful maybe you should do a Lil innocent snooping maybe try to have coffee with the aunt or something just to see what the vibe is like in that house and if all seems normal set limits when she should be allowed over your house and if something is just off about the aunt or the house but you just cant put your finger on it make an anonymous call to human services

Answer 8

When you get your son off the bus explain to the little girl that your son is not allowed to play with her today (tell her that you are not there to pick her up). Also express to the aunt that she is not allowed to come over as much anymore. The aunt probably thinks that you enjoy her company. Also encourage your son to tell the girl how he feels about the way she treats him.

Answer 9

We had kids like that in our neighbourhood when I was a child. My mother walked them back to their house , when they were playing on my swing set which was fenced in, at six am on a sunday morning and woke their parents up. Said she was tired of being an unpaid babysitter for their children and she was going to start sending them bills for watching their kids. Also that no one with good manners or shred of intelligence sends their kids over before ten am to play and that they would no longer be welcome in our yard or in our house.

You need to do this same thing with the little darling and let her aunt know that you do not appreciate her neice being freeloaded on you. If it happens again you may be forced to call child protective services. And do it.

Answer 10

There's obviously issues at home, but that's not your concern. Tell the aunt in no uncertain terms that you are not her caregiver, and it is not your responisibilty to entertain that child. If the child knocks on your door, explain she can't come over that day. (Do it every day if you have to.) Don't let her in your home or your yard. There's a saying - "Good fences make good neighbors"....

Answer 11

I would tell this neighbor that your child is not allowed to have company until they see him come outside and it would be highly appreciated if she would keep her niece at home until then and also let her know that if the little girls mouth an attitude doesn't improve she won't be able to come back over. And if she don't like what you said than o-well one less problem on the block for u & No more unpaid babysitting. ( lol )

Good Luck!!