help!!! how do you avoid hugging people who you dont want to hug?

Question

people always want to hug me when we greet. even people whom i've just been introduced to. i hate it. i've tried holding out my hand so they will shake it and turning to the side, but none of this works...help

Answer 1

there's a fine artform in how to avoid hugging, and a lot of factors come into play. from your question, i assume that the physical contact is part, but not all, of the issue - you're uncomfortable with full-body or upper-body contact, but you're willing to shake hands. the other person's perception of you is also part of the issue, since you're posting this question in the first place and probably don't want to seem stand-offish. here's some suggestions & situations:

1) stating that you don't hug or making an excuse about being ill. these statements will probably work and get you out of hugging, but there's drawbacks. when you first start stating that you don't hug, people will be put off by you, even your friends. eventually they'll come to accept this, but you still might have issues with them. also, there's no telling how long it will take before they understand that you REALLY don't want to hug. it's tough to pull this off and maintain a non-stand-offish status.

telling people you're sick to get out of hugging only works for so long. any more than a week and people will either A) begin to think that you're chronically sick, B) think that you're a hypochondriac and maybe have mental issues, or C) know that you're lying to them to avoid hugging. neither of these situations are preferred.

2) the pre-emptive handshake is the most effective method, but since you've tried that and it hasn't worked, let's talk about your technique. if you're really going to make the pre-emptive handshake work, you've gotta be forceful about it. a strong handshake is a social asset in general, but here it will act as a physical barrier between you and the other person. even if the other person ignores your hand and keeps coming forward, keep that hand out there! don't give in and move it to the side - keep it straight out in front of you like a pike, blocking their access. most people won't know what to do with a strong hand and pointed fingers aimed at their belly - chances are they'll stop.

if they stop and then reach for your hand to shake - mission accomplished. if they look at your hand and appear sad that they didn't get a hug, you can take a gamble. when there's the slightest indication that they'd be willing to accept a handshake, smile and laugh then open your arms, as if you're willing to hug but there was an awkward miscommunication. "I thought you were going to shake but you thought i was going to hug! silly!" this diffuses the potential situation of them thinking you're stand-offish. BUT, you can only have your fake-hugging arms open for so long or else they'll try to hug you again. get that handshake pike right back out there! this will indicate to everyone around that a social miscommunication took place and you're off the hook.

if the pre-emptive handshake doesn't seem to be working and they keep moving forward, you have two options. first, you can keep the hand out there blocking their path, in which case to get to the hug they'll have to somehow walk around your outstretched arm and hand. this will turn the tables and put them in the awkward position. other people will be thinking "did you see him? she clearly wanted a handshake but he forced the hug. how rude."

3) the other option if the pre-emptive handshake isn't working is the half-hug. in this situation, stabilize your feet (one slightly in front of the other) and bend forward at the waist, hugging only with your arms and upper body. this half-hug will keep you safe from full body contact. why stabilize your feet? if you don't, there a chance that the other person will be able to pull you into a full-body hug. if your legs are sturdy, you'll be able to resist this. you might have to lean pretty far forward, but it's worth it to avoid lower-body contact.

if the other person is completely new to you or rather revolting, you can always go with the quarter-hug. this is just like the half-hug (only upper body), but instead of putting just your arms around the person keep your elbows down at your sides and simply grab the other person's shoulders with your hands. this not only provides another physical barrier (your arms) between you and the person, but in gripping their shoulders you also have some control about how close their upper-body gets to yours.

but watch out! in the quarter-hug position, faces are close and the other person might go in for a kiss, on the cheek or otherwise. so use those hands on their shoulders to keep them back while turning your head as far as you can to one side. at least then if they kiss anything it will be the back of your head.

give some of these techniques a try, and hopefully you'll have better luck in keeping people at arm's length!

Answer 2

If you can be first and offer your hand. If a hug is inevitable- Take a gentle step back with your right leg which will turn your body to an angle with your left leg torward them and all the person will have to hug is the very side of you which will feel awkward. It doesn't look so bad and it sends the message that you don't want contact from them with out being rude. Good luck!
Last resort.... Be honest and say "I am sorry, I do not like to hug."

Answer 3

Here are several suggestions:
1. When you're meeting someone who looks like they may be a "hugger", cross your arms and just nod while giving a neutral smile after the introduction, instead of saying "nice to meet you". This body position along with the silent responce to the introduction tells people to not approach you in a familiar way.
2. If a person looks like they're coming in for a hug; take a quick step back, give a neutral smile, give a small wave and then say "Hi, nice to meet you".
3. If someone you have already met is coming in for a hug, just give them a quick pat on the shoulder while stepping to the side out of their reach while saying something like: "Hey, good to see you".

If there is a particular person you know who doesn't catch on to the above suggestions then you may want to consider trying these:

1. When they come in for their hug, do not respond back with a hug, just keep your arms to your sides and take a step back, even while they still have their arms around you. Hopeful they'll get the picture.
2. If they approach you for a hug, turn your body completely to the side while extending your elbow towards their body so that they will end up with your elbow sticking them in the chest if they try to get any closer. They'd really have to be dense not to catch on at this point.

If they haven't gotten the hint yet, then here are some more drastic measures:
1. When they approach for the hug, tell them that you're not much of the touchy feely type and that you really don't like to be hugged much.
2. If you know that person is going to be at the same place you're at, bring your most obnoxious perfume/cologne and spray it on yourself right before they really notice you're there (really make it strong). Then when they hug you, continue to hold on long after they have let go. If the scent is obnoxious enough, this should make them want to stay away from you at all costs from now on!
3. Tell them they have halitosis and it's really bad. Most people will avoid getting too close to someone who has told them they don't like their breath.
4. Make sure to "accidently" step on their feet when they hug you.
5. If you're the type that can pass gas at will, make sure to do it frequently when you're around this person so that they are disuaded to get too close to you from now on.

If all of this fails, then just tell them to stay away from you or you'll get a restraining order

Answer 4

Hugging a person is more hygienic than shaking their hands. You never know where that person's hands have been. Their mouth, a pen, a stair case, a button on an elevator that a 100 other people have touched. Avoid shaking hands if at all possible.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you mean, it seems hugging is the new way to greet people. I don't understand it myself.
What do you do with close relatives and close friends you haven't seen in a long time? Make out?
It's almost as if you are insulting people now if you don't hug them and seem like you are SO happy to see them you just have to jump their bones....

Answer 6

I have a second cousin who insists on doing the Euripean huggy kissy thing with me. I hate that too so to get her to get it I back away when she tries it. She takes the hint then that I don't like that. So if strangers tried hugging me I would just back away to give them the hint.

Answer 7

That's strange. Most people who meet for the first time don't hug. Stop meeting these people.

Answer 8

What works for me, is if you see a hug coming, get a large erection, then when they give you the hug, press it firmly into their thigh. They won't want another hug anytime soon.

If you're a woman, use a phallic sex toy to do this. It's twice as scary.

Answer 9

I find myself in this situation a lot, too. I simply tell people, in the straightest way, "Please do not touch me." But, I don't make many friends.

Seriously, though, tell your friends before a 'meet new people' situation comes around, that you would like it if they keep their grabby friends at a more comfortable contact level.

Answer 10

Ugh! Those slimy people who go in for the hug when they have no business...I take a step back and give them a look like "please NO!" that usually stops em in their tracks.