Why am I so hurt by this? Am I wrong? plz read details?

Question

My husband was raised Jewish....I am Christian....we have been married 19 yrs. He chose to become a Christian and we were baptised together last yr. It was a very special time. I just found out he never told his parents, and his sister who he is close to doesn't know either. He says he is afraid they will be mad and disown him. First, we never see any of his family(out of state) and his parents have never met our twins boys now 8....is he commited to Christ or not ? How would you handle this very sad situation. I am trying to be respectful and not push him to tell them! I would not be ashamed or afraid to share that the Lord is my savior. I would be happy for my kids if they found that true love even if I did not!

Before you judge me ...when my family knew I was marrying a Jew it didn't matter to them whether or not I became one ...my family is not religious ...I chose to seek Him when I was nine and walked to a nearby Church on Sundays with their support.

Answer 1

His problem is; if he tells them, they will never speak to him again, and there will be no inheritance from them.

He more than likely cannot win them to Christ.

He can just cause trouble in the family.
I have seen Jewish families who have held mock-funerals for their loved one that has left the faith for Jesus.
They destroy anything that they own that reminds them of the errant child.

grace2u

Answer 2

Perhaps even after 19 years you have not yet grasped the consequences for a Jew who converts to Christianity. The family is required to regard him as dead and to sit shiva for him, i.e. mourn his passing. Sometimes even when people haven't seen their families for some time, they do not want to take the drastic step of being cut off from them forever, which is what this means. Already he must have grieved his family by marrying out; this would mark the end of any relationship between them. You must try to understand what he is going through and give him time. Many members of the early church had to worship secretly. They were not denying their Lord; it was a matter of self protection against pressures which we find it hard to understand. Similarly many Christians nowadays in countries such as China are worshipping in secret. You have always enjoyed freedom of worship and perhaps find it hard to grasp the pressures on those who do not have that privilege. The pressures on your husband, while less evident, are nevertheless very real. Give him time -- and please don't judge him. Meanwhile both he and you can pray about his family.

Answer 3

And how would your family feel if you had converted to Judaism? Would they be thrilled that you had decided Jesus was no longer the Messiah? Or would they feel hurt, rejected and betrayed because the religion they still follow devoutly wasn't "good enough" for you, now that you were married to a Jew? Isn't Christianity supposed to be for life? Well guess what - so is Judaism.

Get over yourself. This isn't about you. This is about his desire not to push an already distant family farther away. His parents have probably never met your twin boys because I'm guessing you aren't raising them Jewish, and that probably hurts them very deeply.

Shame on you for being so selfish and blind to how difficult this must be for him.

)O(

Answer 4

This has nothing to do with his commitment to Christ. It has to do with his relationship with his parents.

Your husband is afraid that his parents will reject him because of his decision to become a Christian. Depending on how devout his parents and his sister are, he may be very justified in his fears.

Look at the parable of the Prodigal Son. When the son left his father, the father said that the son was dead. This is also the attitude of the father in Fiddler on the Roof when the daughter decided to marry the Catholic. To him, his daughter was dead and he refused to talk about her. In his parents mind, your husband is lost.

Your husband does not want to go through the pain of rejection from his parents, so he has already rejected them. Your husband has some VERY deep wounds in his life. I hope that you appreciate what he has done for you and Jesus Christ by becoming a Christian.

Jesus said that a person must hate his mother and father in order to be his disciple. Most people will not have to go to this extreme, but your husband has. He has given up his mother and father in order to follow Christ.

Be aware of the high holy days in Judaism and ask your husband if he would like to visit his parents and sister on these days and take you and the children along. You do not have to participate in teh high holy days, but be there and observe. By visiting his parents on the high holy days, you are showing that you still respect them and their faith.

Answer 5

I would have pity and mercy on your husband. I imagine, at least it sounds to me, like he isn't "ashamed" of being a christian but afraid his family will never speak with him again. That is a huge issue. Imagine never speaking to your parents or siblings ever again? Wow, the pressure he is putting on himself, knowing he hasn't revealed the truth to his parents must be so difficult. If I were you, I would not add to it. He is a relatively new christian. I wouldn't create stumblingblocks or obstacles up for your husband to grow in grace himself. He has probably been taught his whole life that he will go straight to hell if he becomes a christian. The jews have been "blinded" to the truth of Christ according to the scripture. What an amazing blessing that his eyes were opened! Praise the Lord and thank you Father! Perhaps the Lord has a special purpose for this man. Besides, doesn't the Holy Spirit love your husband even than you? Who has a better ability to convict your husbands spirit, you or the Holy Spirit. You can encourage him to reveal the truth to his parents and have him resent YOU, or you can pray for him and let the Holy Spirit do His job in your husband heart. Just as YOU were placed in your husbands life, I imagine, to help him on his journey to God, allow God to have His perfect timing in your husbands life to reach out to his own family for Christ. Your hubby knows his family better than you do and I knows best how to handle them. It does not diminish his christian faith to withhold this from his family. It gives your husband time to grow and strengthen his own faith so that if his family protests, he will have the answers to tell them about their concerns. Give him more time.

Answer 6

Since you weren't raised with any particular religion, you clearly can't understand how hard this must be for him. And you've obviously not made any effort to learn about Judaism, or you'd understand that if he tells them he converted they will consider him dead and that will be the end of his communication with his parents and sister - FOREVER.

I'm sure your lack of knowledge of their religion really thrills your in-laws as well. I doubt if my son (not that I have one yet, but hopefully some day) married a Christian who didn't want to learn anything about Wicca, I might feel a little hurt, upset, and pushed away, just as his parents probably do. There's a difference between your child marrying a Christian and marrying a Christian who doesn't give a d*mn about understanding your religion.

Sorry to judge you, but you're doing that to your husband.

BB

Answer 7

Turn it around. If you had converted would you run and tell your family if you thought they would disown you? I doubt it. Doesn't matter if you see them..no one wants their family to turn its back on them

Also you come across as smug about this like Jews are just blind because they haven't found true love. I don't know if that is what you mean but that is how it sounds...which makes me wonder of hubby converted just to make you quiet.

Anyway it is his family not yours (even if he never sees them they are still his family), his life, his decision and you should not have anything to do with it as it does not affect you, your kids or your marriage in any way. So really let it go and stop dwelling on such small details before you blow them into huge issues that threaten your marriage

Answer 8

I don't think you are wrong to feel hurt BUT he did it and he did it for you so he must feel some commitment there. The fact that he has not told his parents matters not if they haven't bothered to see their grandsons in EIGHT years. As far as his sister goes, he will tell her when HE is ready. Give him some time. He went a long time being Jewish so he is still probably getting used to it. Give him time. You don't want him to resent you or his new religion for a possible conflict. In the end it is really his choice. He must love YOU very much to switch, though! Try to accept that and be thankful for that! Good luck. I really DO see your pain!

Answer 9

hello friend, first of all, understand that to become a christian was his choice. you neednt blame urself for what has happened. his parents have not met your children, they might be dying to see them. so next time u meet together, let it be an occasion of joy and not of bitterness. if he thinks that would revealing his conversion would offend his parents' sensitivity, he has every right to maintain the secrecy. That doesnt make him a lesser devotee of god tahn you. Faith is not something that you proclaim or declare to get the approval of the world. It should come from within you. you say, u r not afiad to reveal ur faith in Jesus. step into his shoes and try to imgaine his predicament. wouldyou feel like revelaing the truth. u definitely are doing a good thing by not pushing him to tell them. Hold ur jesus closer to ur heart. he definitely will make everything easier for u and ur family. May god bless you!!

Answer 10

The normal thing for Jews is to disown the one that becomes a christian..They treat them as if they are dead.. Your husband may not want to completely cut ties with his family for the rest of his life, as Jewish families do not normally "get over it"
I don't really know if you are wrong, but understanding his point of view is one thing that helps. The other side is that they will probably find out in the end anyway..

Answer 11

If it's not broke don't fix it. Pray and ask God to intercede or have His will be done in the situation.

It sounds like you and your husband have a good relationship and if he is not interacting with his family; just remember he knows them far better than you, and he wouldn't do this if he didn't have a reason. Sometimes the in-laws are not who we think they should be and are best left at a distance.

My best advice would be to leave well enough alone. If and when God sees fit to include them in your husband's life and your children's lives He will.

God bless you.