I have a Grandson that I love dearly. He was a large part of my life until my son and daughter-in-law divorced. Then to avoid letting my son see my grandson my ex-daughter-in-law moved many states away won't let us know her whereabouts won't let us see him. My son can't afford a lawyer to track her down. Its been almost 6 years now. I just can't understand how she could do this and why. I was a good mother-in-law,I am a great Grandmother! I would feel better if I thought that maybe she may be sorry for her actions but to afraid to admit it and alow me to see my grandson. I was told that she has lied to him to get him to quit asking about me. She told him that I no longer wanted to see him.I love him with all of my heart,Why? Why? Why? do Mom's do this? Don't they know they are hurting their own children in the process?
2007-01-09 01:00:04 · 5 answers · asked by Pamela V 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My parents divorced when I was 13 and my father was the one to get coustody. Dad never spoke one word against my Grandparents or my Aunts and Uncles and cousins on my Mom's side. Was my Father out of the norm? Is it normal to want to keep your child from their family? It takes two to make a baby! When Mothers do this they are hurting far more than their ex-husband (boyfriend) they hurt their own child and the whole family.
2007-01-09 01:04:33 · update #1
My son is a good man. He has remarried and he is a very good father! He did not do any thing to warrent this and he has tried to locate her. She came from a family with a bad back grown and my son tried to help her they meet in Jr. High school and she was very abused and my son tried to show her what real love and family life is about. Why do people assume that the husband must have done something to deserve this? that is not alwasy so!I still haven't heard from anyone telling me that they are sorry that they were so vendictive and are now sorry for their actions!
2007-01-09 01:32:19 · update #2
Why do people insist that we are the bad one's here? Don't you people understand that there are some women who are just mean? I didn't believe my son when he tried to tell me just how mean she really was while they were married..........Now I know! I just want her to be sorry for her actions! I don't think she has a clue! I just want to prevent this from ever happining to another grand mother. I want some woman to stop and rethink if her revenge is worth the pain and suffering sh will cause her own child as well as the childs grandparents. Please believe me not all people get what they deserve there really are meann people out there who have no problem in jurting another human being for no reason at all.I was a great mother-in-law. She knows it!
2007-01-09 02:17:46 · update #3
To wrkey how can you be so sure that my son deserved this or that I deserve thi or that my grandson deserves thi for that matter! It is time you learn that sometimes Bad things happen to good people. When my Daughter-in-law I was more of a mother to her than her own mother. I would have given my life to help her if I could. My Son is a preacher and a good man!
2007-01-09 06:11:30 · update #4
I´m sorry to hear this.... she is not a very good mother for doing this ..... She´s being a female dog... I´m a mother of 2, but I would never do this to my kids.....Good luck.
2007-01-09 01:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by J Lo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have limited the time that my children see my mother, but I feel that I have good reasons. I know that grandparents are supposed to spoil the grand kids, but my mom over does it.
She spends an entirely ridiculous amount on Christmas. Now she wants to spend another hundred or so on each at Valentine's day.
It's to the point that my children get presents all the time and they don't appreciate the things that I do for them. I don't want them to grow up thinking that everything is going to be handed to them. They need to learn that they need to work for what they want.
They have a disrespect problems towards adults that aren't grandma. My son is lazy and mouthy. I can ground him from grandma's and then he will start to behave better, but one weekend with grandma then he is back to name calling and yelling at the rest of the family.
So, in some instances, getting away from grandma for a while is good. I am sorry to hear that you don't get to see your grandkids. I hope see will change her mind someday. Maybe there is more to the story of their divorce.
2007-01-09 09:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by Deborah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My full sympathies with you. You can understand that 6 years is a long period and your grand son who is under the control of your daughter-in-law by now might be reluctant to meet you. In fact you yourself being MOM can better understand the position. In case she si doing something wrong some one should guide her but then who knows where she is. Only time can heal things and if sense prevails on her she might come to you. But I still feel that the worth of locating your daughter-in-law is more than the amount being spent. I understand that there are rules where you are allowed to fight out the case and the courts intervention helps in locating persons.
Best of luck.
2007-01-09 09:09:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two thoughts on this.
First and foremost. Your son must have done something terrible for his wife to go to all the trouble to put distance between them. I say you son is a problem here because of his lack of desire to see his child. I am divoriced and if my ex took my kids and ran... I'd be in court the next day and would spend every last dime I had to make sure I am part of their lives. You son is making excuses not to see his kid and therefore NOT the kind of father anyone would want for their child.
Second thought is this, you have the right as paternal grandparents to visitations. This is granted by federal law and applicable across all states. YOU could seek the advice of an attorney and begin the preceedings to have the court order visitations.
So.. these two things being said... you have a difficult choice to make. Your son (child's father) is obviously a bad influence and there is a very strong possibility that your grandson has 'another dad' by now. How confusing is this going to be for him to try to understand your role in his life... the grandparents of an absent and non-caring father. Are you willing to bring this level of emotional strife into this child's life because of YOUR desire to see your grandson and NOT his desire to see you.
Here's my suggestion. First go see a family counselor and discuss with them your situation and feelings. Then bring your son to your counseling session and find out what's going on with him and his feelings toward this. If after you have throughly examined the possible outcome (good and bad) and you still want to see the child... Retain an attorney but have the attorney approach the mom in such a fashion that she understands that you will want to see the child but will do so with the intervention of a family counselor (of her choosing) and at a time that the professional counselors agree on. This will help you 'get in' as well as insure your day in court will go smoother should it come down to that.
Before you take these actions, you need to ask yourself some pretty tough questions that the child is most like to ask: Why isn't my biological dad here? Does he love me? Why didn't he try to see me before now? Is my he a good man? Why are you wanting to see me if my biological dad doesn't care about me? I would strongly suspect your first visit with him will be filled with his questions about why his biological dad didn't care enough about him to do anything. This child is going to have to figure out how to 'fit in' a dad that hasn't been invovled in his life or... grandparents of an absent dad.
Again... get some counsoling for yourself first and make sure your future actions will be what's best for the child... not just what you want.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
2007-01-09 09:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by wrkey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
most states do not have grandparents rights, so the best bet is for your son to get some kind of visitation.
if he has joint custody, he has a right to know where his children are. (unless there is some sort of restraining order in effect). every state is different about these issues, so i would contact you local Legal Aid Office to find out what you can do. they are in every state and most counties. they go on a sliding scale, so its free to most. look in the phone book or call your county court clerks office for it. if no luck, call your states Bar Assoc for it.
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-calculators.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
you could always hire a PI to find her also.
today, people are not that hard to track down.
2007-01-09 09:07:47 · answer #5 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋