Cancelled wedding, how did you deal with it?

Question

My b/f and I were planning to get married this year, but we have mutually decided that it is just not possible due to a change in our circumstances. It was not going to be a big wedding, just immediate family, so I can deal with the actual cancelling of the arrangements etc, but the sadness I feel inside is really over-whelming and I am finding it so hard to deal with the disappointment and loss. We are still together as a couple, but I am finding it hard to be happy at home, my spark has just gone and I can't find anything to smile about (I know that is terrible when there are people out there with bigger problems, but I can't help but feel down), can anyone offer any suggestions on how to cope with this?

The reason is just a change in our circumstances, my b/f has been asked to take a course through work, he needs to do this course to progress to where he needs to go with his career and I am 100% supportive of that, he just cannot deal with everything in one year, we have discussed it and feel it is best to put the wedding off for now so he can concentrate on that, there was no infidelity or arguments etc.

Answer 1

Go to the court house and get married...You can have a gathering after with family, make it a potluck...

Answer 2

It sounds as though you have a good relationship. You communicate and are fully supportive of each other. And it was a very big, mature decision to make as you realised the pressures you were under and take a realistic approach. Too many people would have rushed on got married and failed as a result of doing to much too soon. You are bound to feel down as no matter what size wedding you were planning it has probably been a major part of your life for a while with the excitement of looking forward to the big day. Don't beat your self up. Your allowed to "grieve" for what would of been. I got married in 2005 and still miss planning it and having something to feel good about. Its only natural that you would feel disappointed. I know its easy for me to say but try and find a new challenge to sink your teeth into or a new hobby. You can still keep building your wedding ideas and at least you have more time to make sure you are getting everything you want when the wedding actually happens. You have a secure future to look forward to if your partner is furthering his career. You wont have to worry about that side of things and then you can decide what it is you want to do, work be a mum or maybe start training yourself.

I wish you all the best and remember everything happens for a reason.

Answer 3

I understand your reasoning & I respect your decision. Planning a wedding & getting married is a big endeavor. I also think it's great that he has this opportunity & that you are supportive of him. But, you can't always put life on hold to your liking.

So how long now do you have to wait?

People lose things every day. But it's the degree of the loss that affects us. And it isn't always easy to deal with.

And yes, there are people out there with bigger problems. But that doesn't take away from what YOU are genuinely feeling.

Sit down with future hubby & tell him just how disappointed you are. That you wanted to become his wife more than anything. That will help some. Talking always helps.

You are going to have to let this disappointment run it's course, then. There is no magic that helps us get over loss. Usually time. Understand that what you are feeling is normal so stop trying to feel "up beat" about what's happened. You will be sad for awhile, but don't let it take over your life. Remember that you two are still together; that you will get through this disappointment.
Something this painful is always a learning experience. You will soon be able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off & jump back into life. Don't let this incident set you back. You're tougher than that.

Answer 4

consult the following: Ben & Jerry, Mrs. Fields...just kidding..it's particularly hard on you because you've been excitedly planning for this wonderful celebration over the past few months I'm sure, and now it's all over without ever really happening yet. That comes as a big disappointment. My best friend was in a similar situation...they planned to get married one summer and due to circumstances had to wait until the following summer. She is now happily married for over four years to the guy of her dreams and has a beautuful baby girl. It WILL come, and it will be wonderful, and you are taking the right steps by building a better and stronger future for yourselves (him getting the training he needs which you are in support of:) even if it makes the present less exciting..it will work out in the long run. In the meantime, focus again on the things that made you happy about the wedding. Keep compiling good ideas for the reception, flowers, dresses, cake, venue, etc. Look at it this way...you have more time to plan and make it an even more awesome event than it would have been (and maybe cheaper too, you can shop around for deals!) and you two can continue to strengthen the bond btwn you, that never hurts! it's hard but it will work out, focus on what makes you happy. best of luck to you both!~ congrats :)

Answer 5

If you have decided not to marry, then presumably there is a reason. It's hard to admit when you've made a big mistake about your potential mate, but it's a lot better to realize it BEFORE the wedding than afterward. Since you have decided not to marry - whatever the reason - I suggest that you spend some time apart from the boyfriend. Get out of the house, date other people, be around people in general, and be active. Whether you called it off, or he did, something is amiss, and it's best to get some breathing room to find out what that is. The pain DOES go away with time, and you will ultimately see that whatever stopped you from marrying was something that would have created even more problems down the line if the marriage had taken place.

Answer 6

First off good for you for being supportive of him, because in 20years from now he is going to remember that you stood by him 100%. As a woman though I can understand why it would be hard to take what seems like a step back in a relationship. What you need to realize that by making this thought out decision you were taking a step forward, planning for a relationship that will last. As to how to get over the sad feeling, replace planning with something else you love. You could take up a yoga class or new hobby to concentrate on you for a little bit. You could also plan a small vacation for the two of you. Something inexpensive and short since he's working up in his career right now. Try planning an evening away or maybe the weekend. It will make you both feel better, and you feel stronger in the relationship. Good luck and congrats on having a man with his head on his shoulders who is looking out for the two of you in the long one.

Answer 7

How about you try to focus on the positives - you and your partner are still together. You still have each other - surely thats all that matters.?

Its going to be a huge disappointment as every woman dreams of their big day - but you will get your wedding day....just when the time is right. Everything happens for a reason, so just be patient - work through whatever the reason for cancelling the wedding is and then you can look to re-book the wedding later on.

Speak to your fiance to make sure he knows how you feel, he might be feeling the same - or worse, he might be feeling like he's let you down.

If you stick together and work through it together and make sure you both know how the other feels about the wedding - then it will happen eventually....at a time when its meant to be.

good luck
xx

Answer 8

It sounds like you may be grieving about the cancellation. Have you thought about going to a therapist for a few months? The therapist can help you sort out your feelings and will also give you an outlet to express everything that you're feeling without worrying about anyone else's hurt feelings and the therapist will just listen.

One other suggestion would be to try some yoga or other relaxation techniques. And by the way - anyone else who had any sense would feel the same way you do if they were put in your shoes. You're going through something really hard and I hope that things start getting better for you!

Answer 9

That is so understandable. When we're planning our weddings, we're constantly up and happy. It feels like the world revolves around us, everyone wants to please us.

Try to keep it in perspective, though. You haven't permanently cancelled the wedding; you've only put it off. The reason you've done so is going to pay off in the end, I'm sure, so you have a brighter future to look forward to as well.

There's nothing anybody can do to make you stop feeling the let-down, but couldn't you continue planning in small ways? Just consider it an extension of your engagement.

I often wonder what I'll do after our wedding-when there's no more planning and researching to do.

Hang in there and try to focus on your positive future.

Answer 10

You have only postponed the wedding and will get married once he has got through his career training. Try to find something else to concentrate on, decorate the home etc.

Alternatively work towards your wedding day. Makethe outer covers for your invites (the inserts can be added later). Plan menues, etc.

Have you told him how you feel? Your supporting him and you may need some support of your own.

Good luck

Answer 11

I didn't have a big wedding if that helps any. My wedding was fairly small actually. I only had a coulple family memebers and a couple of close friends. I don understand why people feel down when they have a small wedding i mean i just had the people closest to me. Before i actually got married i was engaged to another way before we were gonna have a big wedding but...my grandma died and i just couldn't get married without her being there so my ex that i was engaged to decided not to get married bc i was upset about my grandma...it was a couple months later that my grandma died i got engaged the month that she died. I learned that life ain't easy and not everyone has to get married right away...just know that u have ur whole life ahead of u to get married u just need to take ur time and think of something else.