I love my mother sooooo much..............???

Question

But we cant stop arguing.I am 16 and she's 40,we dont have a generarion gap,she's open minded.I am the best student at school,or anything that i do,i hang out with a nice crowd!But t's either my messy room,not wearing clothes she fully approves of(although she pretty much likes the way I dress).I know she is too concerned about me and she does it out of her love,but it is soul-out-wearing.....I know I am wrong at everything and it is my fault if we argue.I love her so much and I can't take this anymore.She and dad are the people who I would give my life for....

Answer 1

Write her a letter. Good Luck!

Answer 2

It sounds to me like you really do love your mom a lot and she loves you a lot too. I think you and your mom are just going through what every family goes through when there is a teenager in the house! It seems like you might argue about small things, but when it comes to the big stuff you would definately be there for each other. That being said, why don't you set up a time with her and tell her there are some things that are bothering you and you would like to talk about them. Tell her how you feel and maybe you can both come up with an agreement as to what clothes are acceptable. It will have to go both ways, you are going to have to put some effort in, too.. Like keeping your room clean without arguing. And she might be able to become a little more open to you wearing other kinds of clothes, but don't expecct her to let you wear innapropriate cothes that make you look rediculous. What you are going through with your mother is totally normal and you are both so lucky to have a good relationship!

Answer 3

Actually it's quite nice that you respect your mother enough to write a beautiful question about making your relationship better.

I really don't think your mother wants to argue as much as you don't.

I think it maybe because one could be more demanding than the other...

If your room is messy and things like that annoy her, why don't you get in the habit of aleast once or twice a cleaning it, even better how about if you clean as you go, it really wouldn't seem so much like a chore.

In regards to your style, maybe she has a different opinion on how things should be worn.... E.G making sure things go together and stuff.... If you ask her why, you may understand where she is coming from.

Good Luck....

Answer 4

I'm going to answer from the mom's viewpoint, being a 40 year old mom, myself. You have to remember that we were teenagers once, and we've learned so much through our life experiences, that we sometimes forget that you have to experience things for yourself, too. We think we can save you the agony of some of life's lessons, but when it comes down to it, you will have to learn these lessons on your own. We don't want to see our daughters hurt. As far as the messy room goes, it's just one of those things that annoys us because we work hard to keep the household in order, and we just need some help from our children, who are capable of helping out in this fashion. And for the way you dress, it may be that if you're dressing provocatively, we are worried because there are so many pervs out there just waiting to take advantage of young women, and if you dress in skimpy clothes, they see it as an invitation, so if that is what the issue is, try to remember that your mom is looking out for your well-being. I hope this helps, and good luck to you and your mom.

Answer 5

Hi there,

It does sound like you're going through a rough time. Try not to get too stressed by the situation. Obviously having lots of arguments with your mother is going to be upsetting for you, but please try not see it as being your fault. Many mother/daughter relationships are tested at your age - you are rapidly approaching adulthood, and sometimes that transition can be difficult for parents to deal with, or handle in the correct way. This may be a phase in your relationship that will pass with time.

Also, it is a common case for mothers to feel, often sub-consciously, jealous of their daughters. Your mother is reaching middle-age, while you are young, with your whole life ahead of you. Nit-picking about small, generally unimportant matters, may be her way of dealing with her feelings (although chances are she doesn't realise she's doing it).

This is, of course, just one possibility, but it may help you to see that your mother may have things going on in her life that you are unaware of and that she probably isn't trying to hurt your feelings purposefully.

With this in mind, I think your best course of action would be to sit down and talk to her about how you feel and that you have been upset by all the arguments. Pick a moment when your tempers are not already frayed and when you are getting on better, avoid direct accusations and stay calm. Instead, focus on explaining how you feel and askyour mother how she feels. Acting maturely may help the two of you to bridge whatever problems have arisen, and I'm sure your mother has not realised how much pain she has caused you.

Good luck with sorting out this problem - I really do feel for you, having gone through the same stage with my mother just a few years back. Now we get on brilliantly, and I'm sure you and your mother will do again very soon.

Answer 6

you're a good girl.

you can never tell your mother enough
that you love her.

after every unhappy word
that she says to you,
try to go do what she wants.

if you have a persuasive
argument for doing something
your own way,
say it
to her.
(she's not unreasonable in wanting to be reassured that you're doing the right & best thing)

if she's too tired
or "wound up"
to change HER mind,
try to do it her way.

the best thing you can do...
the thing that will make her SOOOOOOOO
happy
and proud
and full of love
is to...
(the very next time after the argument
--and after you go clean your room
or change your clothes
or stay-the-same-but-go-out)
...is to give her a big smile
and hug
and say
"i love you so much, mommy!"
(or whatever you call her)

she loves you so much, too.

and it will fill her heart
that you and she
can be your less-than-perfect selves with each other
and still be so
loved

g'luck


argument:
noun: a discussion in which reasons are advanced for and against some proposition or proposal
http://www.onelook.com/?w=argument&ls=a

Answer 7

You're not wrong in every way, you're simply growing up. Your mother is probably seeing herself at your age in you and doesn't want you making the same mistakes she did. Most GOOD parents are like that, however we sometimes forget that our children (just like ourselves at that age) need to make their own mistakes and learn from them just as we did. Your parents don't want you to have to struggle through life so sometimes they can be overbearing. Your mom simply hasn't learned how to pick her battles, for me I dealt with the messy bedroom by shutting the door and walking away and turned a blind eye to some of the things my daughter wore because aruguing would only result in her missing the school bus and my having to be late for work in order to get her to school. I suggest going to your mom and having a talk with her, talk, not arugue, no whining, no nagging. Tell her that you love her but feel she is being over bearing. Ask her to lighten up on nagging about the bedroom, it was my expierence that if I didn't nag my daughter about her room that eventually she WOULD clean it, she just had to do it on HER time schedule and not mine. Also suggest to you mom that she use the 20 year rule. That is if she sees you doing something where she wants to step in and correct to ask herself if it's going to matter 20 years from now. If not, then it's not worth causing a stink about...if it does then by all means she should step in. You might also want to end by telling her that life is too short to continue having problems, that in a couple of years you're going to be going off to college and "leaving the nest" and that you would love to go out with her love and support and friendship.

Answer 8

Mark Twain said, As a teenager I thought my father was the most stupid man alive. The older I got I saw how truly brilliant he really was. You're pushing away from your parents looking for your Independence and they're trying to hold on and feel needed. Not EVERYTHING you do or say is wrong. They love you and feel as if they're losing their little girl.

Answer 9

You are in a very awkard stage in life. You are becoming independent although you are still too young to be so just yet. Don't worry about the arguing; it will pass as you get older and as your parents learn to trust you more. BTW, you are not always wrong.

Answer 10

Your mother probably sees herself in you, and it bothers her, to see a twin of herself running around so she has to augue. But a mother is a mother and maybe that is her way of saying I love you. The next time she gets on your case give her a hug, tell her you love her and thank you for raising you. Stop talking back to her.

Answer 11

just tell her you love her but also annoyed by the fact that she intervenes your life too much. and explain to her that you both came from different generation so you two have different tastes on dressing. regarding the room, just clean it it'll only take a short time but you can stop you mom complaining about it.