How can i set reasonable boundaries for my 8 going on 30 yr old boy?

Question

i have difficulties with boundaries having had a strict upbringing and my son unfortunately is more of an adult than a child due to there only being the two of us, i also feel guilt for imposing boundaries, i feel i need more confidence in this area. Where do i begin. I give my boy a £ a day pocket money is that too much, what time should he go to bed, should he do job around the house and what is reasonable.

Answer 1

Same problem with my 8 years old ,we're bringing him up like the way we were raised, Like a time table of sorts up for school @ 8.00am ,breakfast,wash,dress,school, Home @ 3.15pm homework ,snack,playtime(judo,football,hockey,swimming,karate)he has something to do each night , Dinner @ 6.00pm Shower @7.30pm
Bed @ 9.00/9.30pm story sleep this is his week days and @ the weekend he does what he pleases with in reason friends to stay days out treats,he gets no pocket money but when he asks for sometinhg he'll get it but he has to have worked really hard during the week for it ,you are the adult set the boundries now before you can't handel him, This is the way i was raised and i think that i've turned out ok husband was the same ,it worked for our older son.

Answer 2

I was in a similar position with my eldest son (I had been treating him more like an adult and friend rather than child and son). I found that one benefit of this was that I was able to talk to him and explain that for his own good I was going to change slightly the way I treated him and we were able to discuss why I was going to do this.

He has quite strict boundaries (although most of these were in place to start with) and gets £2.50 a week pocket money with the possibility of a couple of pounds more if he does chores, homework, behaves in a decent manner during the week. He always in bed by 9 and is a few years older than your son now. I let him read or sometimes watch the end of a programme or film but have found this to be the time that works for him.

I would tell you not to worry too much about him pushing against you if you want to be stong with him - and dont listen to what he tells you about how everyone is treated by their parents!! Just think of the young man he will be in only about another 8 or so years. He needs your guidance and this is your chance to help instill in him some of the qualities he will need to get by and do well for himself for the rest of his life.

Good luck

Answer 3

I have a 9 yr old boy and 2 others now 16 and 22 so I've gone through this before, I'm a Group Scout Leader and only until recently it was an all boys group. It is realistic in today's modern age and plenty of the square box in the corner teaching all who watch it 24/7 what a bad world we live in that our young will grow up learning more than we ever did in our younger years and become adult like earlier.
However as parents we should try and let our kids be kids for as long as possible and shield them from the unsavoury big wide world until they are older.
Pocket money really should be earned and although I think a £ a day is far too much I don't know your personal circumstances so I would say £5 a week. My first son went to bed at 6pm until he was 7 but my 9yr old now stays up until 9pm no ifs no buts as the telly really is not suitable after this time.
Try and get him outside the house as much as possible in clubs or after-school events and let him play with friends and have them stay over as it really does benefit them.
Most of all enjoy being with him and being involved in his young world as they grow up to soon and do too many adult things to early.

Answer 4

Set realistic boundaries, ones that you can keep to. It is important to be consistent. Pocket money is up to you, encourage him to save sometimes when he want something special that will give him a sense of working for something he really wants and the satisfaction when he achieves it. Bedtime perhaps should be 9ish on a school day then be flexible at weekends. Depends on how much sleep he needs and what he is like in the morning. I would definately encourage him to help around the house but not so much as a chore but to help you both have a nice home and make some nice meals together. Try to keep the fun in it.

Answer 5

Personally, I think £1 a day is too much, but that is my opinion.
There are many excellent books available - look at Amazon - on boundaries and disciplining children.
The bottom line is - what do you expect from your child? At 8 your child could do a few jobs, especially if it is just the two of you.
Your son needs to know love, so that he can pass it on to his kids. He needs to know discipline, so that he is a credit, both to you and society. He needs to respect others and you.
At 8 years old, in my opinion, 8:30 is late enough. How is he in the morning? Tired or bright eyed and alert? It depends on his character.
I would get him to help you do chores, rather than give him specific jobs. I would help him clean his bedroom on a Satruday, the two of you together, so that you teach him what you want. That kind of thing. Certainly he is old enough to hang up his coat, unpack his lunchbox, that type of thing.
Have a look at Amazon - i think the book I am thinking of is called "How to have Happy Children"

Answer 6

If hes that grown up talk to him about it, agree the boundaries between you then if he sticks to them he can earn his £ a day pocket money but dont give it to him till the end of the week. Dont forget chores are also useful for making a child realise that to succeed in life you have to work but also so that the child realises how much work goes into keeping house, you never know you may find he loves the new routine, so long as you keep to it! xx

Answer 7

Hey what is going on here? You are the parent, for your kids sake you have to set boundaries. Yes he should do small jobs in house, he lives there to!!! He can make his bed and keep his room tidy surely. £1 a day for an 8 year old - what does he do with it? You have answered your own question really. You are the adult you make the rules.

Answer 8

£1 per day is way too much for an 8 year old - why do you give him that much? Sounds to me like he is spoiled somewhat? Just set boundaries and stick to them and make sure he knows you are serious. 8.00pm bedtime is about right on school days for an 8 year old with a bit later weekends. Be strong, you are in control not him.

Answer 9

I have a 9yr old daughter again bit older than her yrs, but I have boundries in place, she gets £5 per wk if she keeps her room tidy and helps me rnd the house maybe a bit of polishing or hoovering. She knows if she is naughty then I remove her ps2 & telly from her bedroom. We have a good understanding of eachother & we work together as a team & most of all we r very close. She goes to bed at 8.30 in the wk. Its comes down to respect remember he is still a child, let him be a child but also he has to have respect for u, as u have to him. Dont b afraid to set boundries hun, he needs 2 know who is in charge. U r the adult remember that or he will walk all over u.Enjoy eachother! good luck

Answer 10

We all need boundary's, if you can get him to do some jobs it won't hurt him. You need to think of how early he needs to get up for school and count back about 10 or ll hours for his sleep, and another half hour so he can settle down, of course you will need to alter this as he gets older, perhaps by negotiation. Some think that's too soft, but it will help him develop life skills. Enjoy time together, he won't be young long.