I wrote this poem when I felt really bad. It's entitled
World of Different People.
In this world we're living
You'll never know who's real
Some maybe pretending
While some just do their will
I hate to admit it
That most of us are fake
But we can't concede it
'Cause we are afraid
Some maybe true
And hope their your friends
Shows up when you feel blue
Friends are they until it ends
Your friends may not know
'Cause you keep secrets to them
But it's you who know
That you're not open to them.
Well, what's your opinion? If it's bad please tell me, I won't feel bad. Thanks!!!
2007-01-08 22:05:51 · 14 answers · asked by Dezza Lynn A 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
In the present world,
Your lines are very True,
Alarming that its the start
Will worsen as time grew.
Very difficult to trust anyone
In this world of lie,
Hope you would write more
Best Wishes & Good Bye
2007-01-08 22:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, not bad!!! There are a few grammatical/spelling errors (their instead of they're; should be "keep secrets FROM them"), but all in all it has a nice rhythm and a raw honesty that makes this a thumbs up from me to you! To develop better writing skills, read, read, read! Good job!
2007-01-09 03:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by AMEWzing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great poem here is an addition
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
Yesterdays a memory
Another page in history
You sell yourself on hopes and dreams
That leaves you feeling sideways.
Tripping over my own feet
Trying to walk to my own beat
2007-01-08 22:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by Hunter_boy* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ok,just needs a little more conviction and change some words 2 make it a bit more sad but it's really great!
2007-01-08 22:15:37 · answer #4 · answered by Zahrah N. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just fine, the first sentences rhymes , so it is better if the rest has a certain rhyme to it too. Keep writing.
2007-01-09 00:56:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Beautiful and artistic. What a combination
2007-01-08 22:14:13 · answer #6 · answered by Opas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice
2007-01-09 00:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by BigWashSr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good to me.
"'Cause you keep secrets to them" - did you mean from them?
2007-01-08 22:12:50 · answer #8 · answered by pragyana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uhm...
nice one!
i think the word 'their' in stanza3 should be "they're"...
maybe u wud lyk 2 add some more and make your statements stronger!
but good one though!
=)
2007-01-08 22:20:20 · answer #9 · answered by -Baboushckha- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
edit your poems before posting them..like spelling ..however it was great.good mental thinking and insight...yes i liked it
2007-01-09 01:32:56 · answer #10 · answered by connie sue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋