Should I be so Jealous?

Question

Me and my partner have been together for 2 years. I am a really jelous person and don't like him looking at other women as I find it disrespectful.I am the person he is with why should he need to look at other girls.We keep falling out over this as he keeps saying its natural every man does it, but I don't see it like that. Am I in the wrong and should I let him have porn and things on his phone?

Answer 1

Glancing at an attractive person is natural -are you telling me that you have not noticed anyone attractive since you have been together? However, porn is a sperate issue altogether. I would be more concerned that he has such little respect for the way you feel about it . Tell him no porn or call it a day and find someone who prefers to look at you.

Answer 2

You shouldn't be in the least bit jealous! I'm sure you notice gorgeous woman too! Think about it this way, if you saw a gorgeous guy in the street, would you not notice him? Be honest, of course would would! Are you being disrespectful to your partner by noticing?

I don't understand how you could possibly avoid looking at people around you. You would have to walk around with your eyes closed which would be very dangerous, and silly! It is a really naive attitude to have as there are some stunning woman and men around that are hard to overlook. Whether your partner looks or not is not the issue, its if he does something about it... and from what I gather, he isn't!

You should be secure in the knowledge that your partner is with you, and if he didn't want to be, he would end it. I am sure that if you carry on being so jealous, your partner will eventually get feed-up!

Regarding porn, each to their own... I am sure most guys have watched or seen it in their lifetime, and I don't think there is any harm in it! You're not competing the the woman featured - you are the real thing - so why feel threatened?

Hope this helps x

Answer 3

Well now I suppose it all really depends on how he's looking. If he is openly checking out other women and giving them the full head to toe treatment then Id say you are quite right to loose your cool with him.

If however he's just glancing over at them then I'd have to say that you should just ignore it. If this is the way things are going, the chances are that at least half the time he hadn't even noticed the girl until you flipped out about it.

I can say from personal experience that there's nothing more frustrating than when a girl continuously flips out at you every time your in a crowded place together. Mostly because 90% of the time you have no idea who it is your supposed to have been "drooling" over. It seems that women in a relationship spot attractive women much faster than the men in a relationship.

Just try to suppress it a little bit, most guys can handle the occasional unfounded strop but if you make it a habit then it's going to seriously test his patience :(

Answer 4

Men dont want the same type relationships women want. As a man, If I tell you I'd like to " go out " with you or whatever the phrase he may have used, dont take it as I want to turn all of my sexual energy away from the world and just leave everything in your hands. He nor I would never trust a woman that much. As a women there is only so much you as an individual can do.

When I say I want a relationship with you that doesnt mean I stop living the rest of my life--- all that means is that I'm adding you on my schedule and if thats fine with you great-- if not great. You need to realize this and accept this as a woman.

Answer 5

Jealousy is derived from a lack of trust.

Pornography is a mode of escapeism and release for many men, and that's all. They don't use it as a replacement for a partner, nor do they see it as an alternative for sex, despite popular belief.

Bottom line is, you're competing with an imaginary women, a character played by an actress, that is on the other side of a TV screen that your partner has no feelings for whatsoever and will never, ever meet. She's not doing anything for him or to him, and they are not interacting in anyway.

And to be the bearer of bad news, yes, most men do look at pornography at some point in their lives, if not continually from the onset of adulthood, some with more frequency than others. Even animals respond to visual stimulation that, in any other context could be construed as porn (see the new developments in Panda Bear breeding in captivity, where they used footage of wild panda's doing the deed in order to stimulate males to the point where they eagerly procreate with females)

Should we consider it cheating when women use vibrators and other sexually stimulating apparatus? Shouldn't we be stimulating enough for them?

Answer 6

The quick glance at a woman is normal, leering is unacceptable.My partner likes Kylie, but he never mentions her unless she comes on tv or is in the paper. But then i like famous people too. If it was a "real" person, like a girl next door, i would be more threatened, i think they shouldnt mention it let alone make it obvious. Try to lighten up, i am not a jealous person, and I think it is easier on my body, think of all that winding yourself up you are doing. Do you get physical symptoms? If its that bad then you are not with the right man. As for porn, it should be either out in the open to be shared or not at all.

Answer 7

I am the same as you - a fairly jealous person - been with my partner for 10 years and he respects my feelings. He tells me that all men DON'T ogle women and he believes he is with me and that's that, he doesn't have the need to look at other women when he has me - he says no other woman compares to me. So listen sweetheart, if you feel disrespected or feel that he wants to have that type of porn thing on his phone and ogle other women and you find this unacceptable then tell him to hit the road and find a man who is going to treat you like the Princess you are, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I think men who act in the way your partner acts is disrespectful and shameful not only to their partners but to men in the minority who are not like that!

NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME!!!

Answer 8

He he, was in the same situation, kept being really jealous eventually I realised that he wants me and he is with me. I don't care if he looks at porn, other girls etc, try and look at them too and then you could have chats about it. You will soon find that it is very superficial and guys mostly judge atributes that other girls have just like they do with cars.
I am sure you look at other guys and think about them having a nice butt etc. You have to let go of it and you will feel so much better, just accept it and move on. Remember people always want to do what is forbidden, if it is not then its not so interesting any more (get my drift?)
Whatever you do don't try to make him jealous and keep in mind that you have the reservations not him and sometimes if you change your point of view it spurs on lots of other good changes. Relationships are about compromises and if you don't like something he does and are prepared to compromise I am sure you could ask him to do the same.

Answer 9

I know exactly what you mean about finding it disrespectful. None of us girls are that naive that we think our blokes don't windowshop when they're out and about, but why do they have to be so BLATANT about it?? I think you should tell him how it makes you feel and suggest that he tries to be a little more discreet. As for the porn - there's nothing wrong with it and any blokes who deny looking at it are lying, but again, he doesn't have to have it on his phone where you have to see it all the time! If he carries on, try checking out fit blokes in the street when you're out together (make it obvious), download some pictures of scantily-clad male models onto your mobile and drop random boy's names into conversations - I think he'll get the hint.

Answer 10

This is a good question. Guys will go to the strippers. Why don't you go with him?

Guys will watch porn, but not because he wants to do the pornstars.

What you should realize is that he is with YOU. not them. that means that you are the person he chooses to be with. it's REALLY not that hard for a guy to get sex. it's called a nightclub. slutty girls abound there.

OK, so I know what you mean though. It definitely is difficult to deal with it. It's a process of life. I bet your boyfriend is about 16-20, correct? Well men do grow out of this phase......somewhat. We still look, but don't touch, but we hide it a lot better, make it less noticable, and as we get older we know how much it hurts your feelings, so we conceal it quite well.......well most of us.