Trouble with a 4 yr old?

Question

to make a long story short my bestfriend has 2 kids is a single mother im the god mother of her children i moved from az to oh to help her i love her kids like they are mine but the 4 yr old is so mouthy and disrespectful i love him but he just drives me nuts he wont pick up after himself he talks back wont listen and i just want to beat him of course i wont and dont since its not right but the other night he had me to that point we have tryed all kinds of things with him from making a reward chart to taking his toys away for setting fire to the carpet now before i got here he had free run of the house while she slept since she works 3rd shift but i get up early with him since i work 2nd shift and im at the end of my ropes is he acting up because now he nolonger runs the house or is it because he has not had anyone to supervise him and what can be done other that drugs and a rubber room

Answer 1

try time outs if he does some thing bad

Answer 2

You are a very kind person to take this on. It is wonderful that you care so deeply for your friend and these children, but I have to ask, "Did you truly uproot your life for this?" If there are other things that caused you to do this as well, then my answer, or part of it, may not apply.
Honestly, I would move back to YOUR life and stop taking abuse from trying to help theirs. It sounds as if much of the real parenting responsibility has been put on you. Has this child's mother spoken to the pediatrician about some of the behaviors you mentioned? I would venture a "No" on that because his next question may just land her in social services....he set the rug on fire because he had access to a lighter or match. While I know parents are people and they are not perfect (goodness knows I am not and my kids are not gold), it seems to me impossible that the aggression he is showing and the carpet problem are just 4 year old boy behaviors. He has been let go for far too long and you are now trying to pull in the reigns. No way. You are kind, but I think enough is enough. Mom needs to get on board and get her child the help he needs to be a healthy, happy little boy.
Good Lucj and take care.

Answer 3

The way they behave is the way they are treated

At home: Good or bad behavior earns either the goodwill or anger of parents and the resulting treatment varies accordingly. The child who continues to behave badly simply hasn't made that connection. The response usually being, "What'd I do?"

Outside the home: If they behave badly or rudely, people draw away from them and don't want to be their friend. Bad behavior prevents the development of warm and close friendships and can lead to loneliness, depression and other emotional problems. On the other hand, when they behave well people draw close and want to be their friend, resulting in more happiness, greater self confidence, and healthy self esteem.

Most kids never figure this out until they are grown up, but by then much damage has been created in their lives. Teaching just this one simple concept . . . "The way you behave is the way you are treated" . . . rescues both you and them from much grief. Some people grow up and never get it — they never really get the connection between what they do or say and the way people react to them — often becoming blamers very early on and for the rest of their lives blame everyone else around them for things they themselves are responsible for. Chances are, you probably know a few people like that.

Educating the heart makes a big difference

Answer 4

Unfortunately, you're dealing with the modern 4 year old boy. My 4 year old niece is very well behaved, my 3 3/4 year old nephew is behaving exactly like your god son.

Talking back, misbehavior, even occasional violent outbursts have become common over the last month or two.

We've discussed ways to address it - and I've been forced to become uncomfortably strict with him. His mother suspects its excess excitement because of the holidays, and that it will hopefully wear out as he calms down.

No form of punishment, or reward system has worked, ranging from timeouts, to mom occasionally giving him a firm wacking on the backside...

I have suggested various forms of sedation (when WILL they invent baby valium...?) but only in jest.

I think its simply a horrid stage where we simply have to refrain from killing the little buggers...

Best wishes.

-dh

Answer 5

Hi, Some children crave attention and negative attention(scolding, punishing, etc.) is better than no attention at all. Pick your battles with him, scolding only when he is physically harming himself or others. Ignore the rest of the behavior. Arguing with him is getting down on his level and it IS attention. When he does not get the payoff (negative attention) for the bad behavior he will stop. Be sure to praise him greatly (go overboard with praise) when he does anything positive as this will encourage good behavior. I know it is hard to ignore a screaming, arguing, bratty child, but do not put your self down on his level by losing your temper. Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

i have a 4 year old son of my own and i found working 4pm till 12 am really hit hard for him i now stay at home and i've tried absolutely everyithing i found talking to him and explaing this to work the best

they know how to plush buttons so don't let them know how

how did this child get the product to be able to light a fire

Answer 7

It's not just your problem, so approach his mom before taking anyone else's advice. If she does'nt want to contribute and actively participate in retraining him with say, "time out" or using a "naughty chair", etc, you should find other accommodation as you are not responsible for her children.

Answer 8

Try getting the supernanny book and seeing if some of their ideas work. We do timeout in their room. We remove anything fun of course. He is probably just testing the waters. Don't give in.

Answer 9

find something that he might be interested in and try to make him use as much of his energy as possible. try to love him more, for children feel if they are loved or not. you do not have to beat him but please punish him, you need to be an authority and not a friend.