Is it ok, to break up with someone if they are into something you really disagree with?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 months and the other day, I was on-line and a friend of mine who is into the BDSM lifestyle , e-mailed me , my boyfriends profile from this website for dating with the undertone of BDSM, I am not into that at all, He and I just exchanged expensive Christmas presents and I was just wondering , if it was all right to dump him, or talk to him, or what should I do

Answer 1

First off, if his ad at that site is still active, you need to ask him why is he still looking for a girl if he's got one. That's a MAJOR red flag that he might be a cheater.

However the whole BDSM thing isn't all that scary in itself. I would definitely tell him that you saw his profile and that you're not into that sort of thing. Because if he HAS to be with a girl who's into that, then it's obviously a problem. But if he's cool with you not liking that stuff, then I'd keep going. Plus, who knows, sexual preferences do evolve with time, maybe he'll stop liking this stuff, or maybe you'll find an interest in it. You just never know.

So, as long as you don't think he's a cheater, talk to him frankly about this and then see where that leads you.

Answer 2

Since you've only been dating for two months, I have to assume that the profile is an old one that he just hasn't taken down, yet. I know that I wouldn't consider a relationship "set in stone" after only two months, nor would I go through all of my profiles to change or delete them yet.

Your "friend" is also into BDSM, but you haven't stopped talking to your friend, so why just dump your boyfriend? Talk to him about it and find out what his interests really are. You might be surprised by what BDSM really is. It sounds to me that the reason you disagree so strongly with BDSM is because you've fallen for popular misconceptions about what BDSM is. It's not just about pain. You need to get that thought out of your head right now.

On a side note, he might not even be interested in BDSM. An "undertone" of BDSM doesn't say much. He could simply have said something like "let's get kinky" and that have been construed as having an undertone of BDSM. Ask and make sure, and listen to what he says.

Answer 3

Until you confirm that you and he don't have the same "taste", don't dump him. Your friend could have shown you a profile from someone other than your boyfriend by mistake, but you won't know that until you talk with him.

Tell him that your friend found a profile on the BDSM website and you both thought the person could be your boyfriend. If he cops to it, tell him that you're not into that and ease into ending the dating relationship. If he denies that it's his profile, watch him to see if his behavior changes towards you. Any distance or shiftiness on his part, after his denial, warrants ending the relationship anyway.

Answer 4

6

Answer 5

Is it time to call it quits?

Instructions
•STEP 1: Be realistic. If you're being abused, hurt, cheated on or lied to, it's time to cut your losses and get out.
•STEP 2: Think about the future you're creating. If your partner is jealous, obsessive, possessive or overly emotional, consider the extra burden you are carrying in dealing with those behaviors.
•STEP 3: Is he a shameless flirt? Is she bossy? Demanding? Insecure? These are more signs of a rocky road ahead.
•STEP 4: Do you truly enjoy each other's company, or do you find yourself relieved whenever you part company? If the latter, it doesn't bode well.
•STEP 5: Evaluate your role in maintaining the relationship. If you feel as if you're doing all the work, it's time to talk or walk.
•STEP 6: Does he promise to call and then forget? Is she terminally late? Be honest with yourself. Is this what you want?
•STEP 7: Do you feel accepted and appreciated? If not, move on.

Tips & Warnings
•Make sure you want to end the relationship because the person is wrong for you and not because you fear commitment. You don't want to send Prince Charming packing just because you have commitment jitters.

Answer 6

well yours is a complex question.

Normally the dominating attitude of a man is what makes him like BDSM. But if he is a kind of person who respects your likes and dislikes in sex then obviously there is no question of bringing bdsm in between you two. Anyway you will have to talk thoroughly to him about it. And make sure his intentions aren't really as unhealthy as you think they are before you dumb him. Bcoz there is a possibility that its just a wild crazy fantasy of his which even he might not like to try for real.
Speaking from the other side, bdsm is not as sick as you think. Many couples who are boured of everyday sensual love making try these things out for a change. Nothing is wrong or bad and dirty in sex as long as you two accept and respect each others likes and dislikes. A narrow point of view in case of sex is what stops most of the couples from enjoying sex fully. In BDSM you are not letting the other person to bond you bcoz you think your inferior to him or her. Its bcoz you trust him or her more than you and he or she knows more than you what you like and you dont. And your master's order is your wish. Ofcourse those things obviously are not for beginners who have just started to know each others. But im just saying that you need not freak your soul out just as soon as you hear BDSM.

.....So good luck sweetheart enjoy getting donded!!!

Answer 7

Dump him now. He is using you if he is on a website and your with him, he might even be looking at your friend (maybe not either-you know her, I don't). If you really value him and feel like you need to say something before, then tell him that you know and you don't agree. If he gets rude, then he doesn't care. Dump him. If he apologizes, then I would take that into consideration, but probably still dump him. Find someone new.

Answer 8

No explanations needed. Just e-mail his site and let him
know he's way too out there for u and that u thought he
was someone different then he lead u on to believe, Bye!

Answer 9

how do you know that you wont like it until you try it... so he's into that, that means you break up with him? no you shouldn't.. you should keep an open mind and try it and then if your not comfortable with it then tell him and i'm sure he'll respect your feelings but you should not leave him over his sexual preferences, that would be stupid on your part..... would you feel good if he left you over something that little- no I don't think you would :) :) :)

Answer 10

Simple.. Yes becuz if it is a problem now it will be a probem in the future.