What's wrong with this dad?

Question

Today my best friend's daughter had to go to the emergency room because of an asthma attack. It was serious enough that she had to be taken by EMS. My friend hadn't been able to reach her husband so I went with her. Finally, he got home from work and she filled him in on the situation. He said it sucked but he couldn't come to the hospital because hospitals freak him out.

So about 3 hours later, I had to go pick up my own kids, and on the way I stopped at my best friend's house to tell her husband he needed to go over to the hospital because they were keeping his daughter overnight and his wife needed to be able to leave and get something to eat. I stayed and hassled him until he got in his truck to go.

I just can't understand it...I know some people are afraid of hospitals, but his little girl was gasping and wheezing and her lips were turning blue,,, why wouldn't he rush over to be with her? Is it possible to be that scared of hospitals, that you won't go see your own kid

I really think he's lazy rather than that afraid of hospitals.

Answer 1

It is possible that he has a phobia. I knew a guy that had a phobia of hospitals. He would go to a hospital if his wife or kids were there, but he would usually be freaking out and would usually not stay any longer than he had to, and most of the time people would rather not have him there because of the way he acted. Your friends husband probably trusts his wife to take care of situations like that and if he thought there was the slightest chance his daughter could die, he most likely would have went. I really think this is something he and his wife should figure out though. It's not your place to say anything to him about it. Sorry, I know you probably didn't like hearing that.

Answer 2

Well, I'm with you on the lazy part. However, the first thing that came to my mind is that the guy is having an affair and had a "hot date" that he wasn't into cancelling--even for his own kid. Due to an inconsiderate act such as this, I find it very difficult to even call this guy a "Dad". In my opinion, he's nothing but a sperm donor. For doing (or, NOT doing what any NORMAL parent would do), if I were his wife, I'd be kicking him to the curb! This little girl does NOT need such an UN-caring person in her life.
Further, this "afraid of hospitals" crap is just an excuse-- it wasn't like HE was going in for triple by-pass surgery---this is his own child. This guy's a total loser! 'Nuff said.

Answer 3

I know that if you have a child who has long term medical problems and you have been through the whole scene a few times you start to realise that this is just a normal part of your life now and although others may see you as heartless because you dont jump up ad run you know that this has happened before and will happen again...

I once went to visit a friends child in hospital and the child was awake in her cot .... yep she was in a serious condition ... and yes it was life threatening.. guess what... Her mother was home... I overheard these nurses having a little b.it.c.h. session about how uncaring the mother was to not be there for her child...

and I went home and wrote my anger at these nurses out.....

Here is the product of my anger.. and perhaps it will give a toch of incite about parents who have children with long term illnesses... and perhaps you will find just a little compassion for the father who could not be there when you were sure he should have been.. I was thinking about all of the people I know who have had children with long term illnesses and disabilities.... and what I write about mothers can just as easily be written about fathers...


The Absent Mother

The nurses nudge each other and in whispered tones they say
"Where';s that little girls mother? She hasn't been in today!"
"Poor little mite she's curled up just waiting alone to die."
"How can her mother leave her when the end is surely nigh?"

They do not see inside the heart of the mother who's home today
They don't know the thou7sand times her daughter has been this way
The times she's sat beside the crib and grieved of an end that's near
And sat alone with her heart filled with love and guilt and fear

It is not from indifference that she stays home to grieve
It is not uncaring that keeps her there nor lack of love I believe
But pain that is her companion, and sadness she can not show
And love and guilt and fear of depths you can not know.

That little girl that's curled up and appears to be on her own
Is surrounded by a mother's love that never leaves her alone
She lives a life that's filled with love and a mother's sacrifice
Has kept her going strong. You will never know the price.

There's friends she's lost because they don't know or understand
WHy she could not turn her back on a life so unplanned
And The family so well-meaning that refused to help or love
This little one of hers that has come from god above.

the end

Motherhood

Who knows what motherhood brings
Who knows of the sad and bad things
Who speaks of the pain a mother feels
With suffering hard on her heels
The newborn babe so fresh and new
growing so strong, straight and true
who dies in a moment before he's seven
The angels taking him off to heaven

Who knows of the child that was injured too
Who will never do what other kids do
Who knows of the hurt and anguish and fear
When doctors say what you dont want to hear
the child so healthy then all that changes
suddenly in the hands of medical strangers
Who knows the the pain in a mothers heart
the confusion and lonilness that never depart

Rarely in magazines on tv or in the street
Do you hear of Motherhood that isnt sweet
Rarely recognised or seen anywhere
is the pain that some mothers share
No one warns you for how could they know?
that motherhood wont always set you aglow
Motherhood, I've learned with all its fine glory
Has no guarantees of a pretty fairy story
(c) CRO 27/08/02


Mother Brave

There is a mother who's heart is breaking
and no solace can ease her pain
She can argue not while her hands are shaking
and prays to god once again

Her prayers are heard in heavens expanse
and the angels gather round
she begs for mercy and crys in a trance
and no other on earth hears a sound

her finger tips are clenched so white
the lines in her face are drawn
She prays each day and half the night
and wakes again each dawn

all the while she has a loving smile
for her son growing weaker each day
his body light weakens each night
and she begs to god let him stay

No one knows why the fight is one sided
the mother recieves not what she asks
she searches her soul and feels well chided
and offers to do more good tasks

You gave her this child in a passion wild
and now she is losing him slowly
grant grace and peace and love and mercy mild
and dont look on her as just lowly

for this woman has loved her son from the day he begun
and her hand has guided his steps each day
Now she must let him take this walk on his own
and let go as he does and just pray

For death is a stealer of lives and of hearts
and death can not be subdued in its ways
be with them now and each step as they part
and give heart to the mother who prays

Answer 4

maybe he really is afraid. he might have anxiety issues. my boyfriend does especially in large crowds. even at a concert or something or family event, he could get overwhelmed and feel trapped. I really dislike hospitals. I don't really fear them, I just hate the thought of being cut open or surgery. I don't think I'd ever want to have a kid in a hospital. It just makes me really uneasy. He might need help of some sort. Or a family member died in a hospital and it really terrifies him now.

Answer 5

But I feel this is really bad. Afterall this his own daughter. He should rush to the hospital. And if any case instead of the daughter he got that asthama attack then????

I must say that he doesn't have any feeling or sentiments..

Answer 6

He probably does have a fear of hospitals.

But I also have been in the situation of the kid since one time my left lung collapsed. If he is THAT afraid I would nudge him to get help.

Answer 7

1.SURE the father should have gone!
2.Who are we to judge?
3.We cannot tell somebody how they should father or mother.
4.At least that little girl still has a father, some of us have no idea who or where our fathers are.
5. SOME PEOPLE DON"T HAVE FATHERS AT ALL!

Answer 8

It wouldn't matter how scared of hospitals someone is. If it is there child they should be there.. I know I would..

Answer 9

I think there is more to the story here than we see.

Answer 10

Yes..I think lazy as you said.
He needs to grow up.
I would be sad if I were his daughter.