I have a 10 year old step-daughter {Whom I love very much}, I have been in her life since she was 3.My husband and I gained full custody of her when she was 5, everything was great until she turned about 6 or 7 years old and then she started making up stories about me to her dad and just gets real argumentative and real snotty towards me.I am at a loss right now and don't know what to do anymore...Things are getting so bad at home for everyone cause there is constant argueing going on, do to me asking her to do something like her chores, she says no or just ignores me and walks away....Does anyone have any advice?!?
2007-01-08 18:13:40 · 12 answers · asked by Irish Girl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I go through the same thing with my 16 yr old step daughter from time to time.She goes back to her mother's after visiting here and tells some huge whoopers that her mother will believe.
very tough situation.
The best advice i can offer is to try sitting her down...with your hubby too if you prefer......and talk to her.
Try spending a little more time with her and spill the beans about some of your own minor frustrations...maybe if you have a story about how your mom totally ticked you off when you were a kid...or whatever.After a while, she may begin to chime into the conversation.This is what i do with my step daughter.I always ask her pretty please to go shopping with me...or something of that nature and we have our little time together.I do this with all of my children actually...spend time with just them one on one.It makes them feel important,loved and like you need their attention as much as they need yours.It really is a great bond beginner.And it does take time for this to work.She isn't going to want to chit chat and get along with you on the very first outing.
Just be careful and watch to make sure she isn't playing games with you when she does begin to open up.been there and made a fool by my step daughter a few times before.lol
As far as the telling you no..lol she needs to be punished for disrespecting you.If you are letting her get away with this attitude...eeekkk..you may want to nip it in the bud.At her age she is getting close to puverty and that attitude can only get worse.lol
I think I might suggest possible family couceling though.She sounds like she maybe harboring some anger issues twards you.Like......I'm willing to bet that inside her little mind.....her mother is a goddess.......and because you are living with her and are the one who has to carry out punishments,orders,rules and other things,she thinks you are just....evil.lol And if she were living with her mom...she would have reverse feelings...making you and her father the heros and her mother the bad guy.
my children do this very samething with me and their father.And my step children do it to their mother.Its very common.
2007-01-08 19:09:50 · answer #1 · answered by Dream 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very important for you and hubby to sit down and talk to her and find out why she is being the way she is. Don't be angry with her...she's just reacting to an issue.
If you have to, go through all the steps again and see if or not she understands, for the most part. Ten years old and a large burden of a step mother is a lot for her to consider. She could have friends at school who have had bad experiences with their step parents and they could just be filling her head will Lord knows what. Keep that consideration in mind when you both speak to her. But I would suggest, when she isn't around that you and hubby discuss this and a line of questioning you would both like to persue. Then, depending on her answers you can go from there. Watch her facial expressions and make certain she is looking at you both when she answers. If she doesn't then she may be hiding an issue or information from you. Try not to wiggle the questioning too much, that it becomes annoying to her because then she will resent it and walk away. But even if she walks away in the middle of it, let her go.
It would then be for you and dad to decide on the possibility of family counseling, which would be the next step.
Sometimes kids snap out of it, and sometimes they hold grudges until they are old enough to appreciate your love and devotion...and for step parents this seems to take forever.
Find out about all the things she likes to do the most and if you can maybe get her into brownies or girl scouts, that does help. They are more family oriented organizations and there may be events you can attend with her. Also, if she's interested in girls school sports, that is always a great way to sort of inch your way in to let her know in a big way that you support her.
Chores are important, but right now she's resisting for a reason. It's mom and dad's job to find out what that reason is.
Good Luck
2007-01-08 18:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by chole_24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DEAR here are some ground rule to be set down by you and your husband please talk to him and tell him what i said because i have Nessie's and nephews no kids of my own but my mother just about keeps the nephews after the divorce of there parents they are my brothers and aunts kids and i help and these are the ground rules set (10) of them no TV video games no cell phone computer time no friends coming over no hanging out after school you go and pick her up one time and her friends will say just look at the baby Mommy came and got her after school word does get around in school and friends do talk about you next is punishment and goes like this in steps one on her knees in the corner with her nose to the wall in your room and no phone time she has to leave the door open and last a good spanking with a paddle and are belt depends on how bad she was you deside
2007-01-08 19:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether her bio mom is in the picture or not it is plain to see that she misses her bio mom. It doesn't matter if the woman was a lousy mother or whether she took off chasing another man. WHY biomom isn't IN the picutre is not what is important. What IS important is that this child is missing a major part of herself. She is entering puberty and being NOT your child she feels disconnected, she probably feels that she can't go to her father with her concerns because he's a man. She can't go to you because although you've been there since she was little you're not biomom. I'm thinking family therapy might be needed here before this escalates into something worse. The only other thing I have to suggest is that you think back and try to remember puberty in yourself. Did YOU sail through it or did you stumble? Now try to think of it on top off feeling disconnected...
2007-01-08 18:29:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately I was one of those kids.
Try to find out if there is a underlying reason for her hostility. There may be another source bothering her that you do not know about that is causing the anger and shes just taking it out on you. There were certain things happening in my life that I was hiding and these were causing a large amount of stress and I would take it out on my step parent. I would also suggest family counseling. Be patient and open with her and keep in mind the rebellious nature in pre teens and teens is part of growing up.
2007-01-08 18:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by SparklyThingz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to sit her down and present a united front of togetherness while addressing the behavior issues. Then get yourselves in to a family therapist pronto. I lived with my fiance's daughter treating me the same way you describe, being nasty behind my back until she needed or wanted something from me... she was the child from H3LL. We split up over it because he wouldn't stand up for me to her. I heard last week his new wife is having the same problems. I thanked my lucky stars for th epeace I have away from that child. Little girls and their dads can be a major problem for dad's love interest unless he sets the little one straight. Good luck.
2007-01-08 19:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by hrh_gracee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her that she is expected to do chores around the house and she will be punished for bad behavior. If you and your husband talk to her together she will hopefully realize that she will not be able to come between you. Is her mom still in the picture? If she is maybe she is planting ideas in her head. Find out.
2007-01-08 18:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my auntie had a tough time with her step son. She got married to his dad when the boy was 9. It was tough..
I suppose she is acting out. You and your husband need total unity in raising her. She needs to find a way to vent other then taking it out on you.. maybe counselling.. it must be pretty upsetting to hav had 2 seperate homes by 5.. and quite confusing... she is just sorting it out... but should not be allowed to be abusive to you...
2007-01-08 18:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im afraid i dont have any advice but am just gladto her i am not the only one i have been a step mum to twin girls since they were 4months and since they turned 6 - now 7 - thy have been like your step daughter.
sorry i couldnt hep tho
2007-01-08 23:43:40 · answer #9 · answered by bubblesburst80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Shes relatively going to sense sorry approximately that when you become previous. I recommend time is flying now. Why dont you communicate on your dad approximately this?... and relatively all you will desire to do is, stay out of her way and do in simple terms what she tells you.
2016-10-30 10:03:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋