How to discuss relationship with wife?

Question

My wife and I are married for 2 and half years now..Our relationship is becoming a little bit boring (Routine stuff). We both agree that we should have a talk about it but I can't seem to make the time, and I know that everything I want and might say is stuff I have been whining about all the time, and I analyze everything, so if I queried something with her b4 and she answered it, I would find 50 more questions I want answered about it later on. She just feels that I have lost interest in 'us' and only have time for our 18 month daughter. I feel that I got the left overs of her other bf, and feel that its not fair that she lets herself go (putting on wieght etc) - yea Shallow Hal, but I always felt that I will give the best in all aspects to My Wife - she doesn't seem to care about it though. But she is really loving and a good wife n mother. So I feel like I have no right to want these things, but I get upset about it, and go into quiet mode... any advice anyone?

Why am I so annoyed by her weight these days - Well every now and again, I see a pic of her with some ex- dude and I'm like Wow! Not lying here but she was swim suit model material, she looks really exotic, excellent tan, lovely long curly locks, those green eyes - like damn! and this was just 2 years ago..I feel bad in a way, cos its like is our marriage so bad that you don't care anymore, or don't you care about me enuf to look that way... Have to mention, her ex guys were all jerks, for real, they were, they would use her and leave her, and what I ahte is that she enjoyed it. I feel it was disrespectful and where she grew up, being that way is normal girl lifestyle. I grew up with 2 sisters, and they awlays taught me to have respect for a girl, and I often never took advantage of a gal cos i never wanted any1 to treat my sisters that way, but here I went and married a gal that willingly jumped into those situations.. see this prob is deeper & therr r underlying reasons y Im dis way

Answer 1

At this point it is up to you to take the initiative. Don't despair. This happens in all marraiges for one reason or another.

In your case I think it is because your wife is at home all day with a baby. She doesn't have anyone or anything to make her feel important. She gets down in the dumps, cleaning house, cooking, changing diapers, laundry. She most probably eats out of frustration.

It is possible that she doesn't want to discuss her feelings with you because she doesn't feel you are sincere when you do tell her that you care about her, love her, etc. I am positive that if you show her in action how much you respect, and care about her things will change dramatically.

Put a little spark in your love life, take her out to dinner once a week, it doesn't have to be expensive if you can't afford it. Just the fact that you have time alone together and she is out of the house with you will make her feel relaxed. But keep the conversation pleasant. Don't talk about problems. Let her know how much you enjoy her.

Show her that you care about her by giving her a night out once a week to do anything she wants, and "you" babysit. Buy her a cute funny card that you feel she would get a good laugh, or enjoy.

Be creative, just like you were when you were dateing her. When she sees in your actions that you are sincere, then eventually once you prove to her that you really care about her emotional well being, she will feel secure in your relationship, and start to feel good about herself. That will give her the greatest incentive to want to take care of her physical well being, and not only that but she will also want to please you too.

The problem with marraiges that go downhill is because people don't show eachother enough respect for the other persons feelings. They are always on the defensive. You know the expression "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS". I know, because "I've been there, done that". It really works.

Take my advice I am a mother of 7 married children. they are all boys. I know what I am talking about, and you will have a long happy, satisfied life together.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Nobody expects children to change us as much as they do. I think it is very hard on husbands in many cases who suddenly become the third wheel. Mommy spends all her time caring for baby and has no time for Daddy. Baby has bonded with mother and often indifferent to Daddy or in any case, occasionally prefers Mom (or, say, always). Who needs Daddy?

It sucks. It gets a little better but not very quickly. I don't think men know what it means to be a man until they have kids and then stick with it. It's tough and you get little or no respect from anybody, including your family. Man up, life is tough but you have a child now and it is more important than yourself. Sorry, many of us have been there. Like you dad used to say (or should have said), "it builds character"

Answer 3

relies upon on what you're discussing. Small issues, issues you discovered approximately your self or what you like out of destiny relationships...those are advantageous to talk. it could be extra vast-image type stuff. the main factors, exceedingly sexual, are to be prevented. some are happy with speaking approximately that, yet maximum experience this is merely too own and can create insecurities. Who desires to comprehend that their husband's ex gave "the terrific bjs"? What guy desires to comprehend his spouse's ex "had a magic tongue"? No good can come of that.

Answer 4

You are asking for trouble.It's for better or worst remeber?You have a nice woman next to you,make the best of it.Try being sportive,give her a lot of compliments and take care of her.2 years is way to soon to get bored or tired.If you weren't ready,whay did you start the family?

Answer 5

If you arent able to discuss these things between you, I would seek a professional to help you both in the art of communication.
It's so vital to any relationship.

Answer 6

go talk to some one that can help you out to do that. if your wife won't sit and talk with you.