What advice would you give to a man who has no desire to become a father?

Question

"It's the most fulfilling experience." "It's the most wonderful thing in life." "I won't trade it for anything else." "You'll change your mind when you grow up."

Heard them all. Remember you're talking to a non-father, who has never experienced what you're experiencing.

Write your most convincing statement here.

Answer 1

Always protect yourself. Don't depend on a woman to do it. Too many say they are protected and then your gonna be a daddy. Don't trust anyone but yourself. Protect yourself and be careful. It wouldn't hurt to get snipped. Long as your sure of your feelings. It can always be reversed if you decide down the line you want to be a dad. Otherwise, just make sure you don't let anyone fool you as many men have been fooled in the past. I know a man who was told....."I can't have children" Then all of a sudden she is pregnant... Wow! Its a miracle. I am a woman and women DO lie......My husband was really screwed by that woman I just mentioned. And its Wrong.

Answer 2

I studied anthropology and evolutionary theory for many years... basically, we're designed to love and care for the next generation. It's a built-in component of genes that survived over millions of years. I have never met a father who didn't fall in love with his child as a newborn, yet I know many who resisted the idea before the child was born. Similarly, fathers have asked me how they can possibly love a second child as much as the first. It's a rewarding experience because the survival of humans depends on it. It's the same reason why women continue to have children after experiencing the pain of childbirth... we naturally forget the pain because it's helpful to do so. There are some people who have no desire to have children, and they shouldn't feel pressured to do it. It's a huge responsibility.

Answer 3

Tell potential partners who may want children how you feel with compassion and grace.

I am assuming this isn't a moral question for you, one where you think God wants you to have kids or Al Gore doesn't want you to have kids. I advise you to allow your generativity to come out in a way where you feel connected and fulfilled.

In my experience having children involves a commitment far beyond any other in life. While one should expect to be ambivalent about such a large commitment, you don't describe those kind of mixed feelings. You clearly say that you, or this non-father, doesn't want children.

It is great to know what you want in life. Many people don't. It is also best to be honest about what you want with your partner as opposed to entering fatherhood because you are trying to make someone else happy or think you should be a dad. Those kinds of experiences are invariably more painful than rewarding.

While successful relationships are reciprocal and involve sacrifice, this is different than going to the movie or restaurant your partner wants. This involves having a child you don't really want.

You would certainly love your kid, but the original feeling would remain. You can't fake something this big for very long. People of any age know when they are deeply cared about by those close to them. They can't always articulate it or even acknowledge it to themselves, but, I believe that on some level the realization is there.

No kid deserves that. There are enough unwanted, unplanned impulsively produced kids in the world.

Answer 4

If this is you wanting the advice, then I'd say you are contemplating it a lot. If you have the desire to become a father, why fight it? If you don't-there are plenty of other things you can do with your time. They might not be as fulfilling in some people's minds, but I bet they would be in others. It is difficult for me to advise someone on becoming a father when I am a female with no children! But...it sounds like you WANT to be convinced...

Answer 5

Wouldn't try to convince you to have or not have kids, but think you should examine the reasons why you think you may or may not want them - now or in the future. Sure they change your whole life - financially, emotionally, and in a million other tiny ways and no one ever said it was easy or always fun raising kids, its a sacrifice of ones self and ones life, but there are rewards that go hand in hand with all you sacrifice and compromise when becoming a parent. I have 3 kids and whilst being a parent is definately the most challenging thing I do in my life, and there are days I wonder what if........., I know that I wouldn't change a single hair on their head or a single moment in our lives. I love watching them grow and learn and look forward to all our family unit will share as I age and they grow. But for you......think about the reasons why you think its something you don't want see what you come up with.

Answer 6

The truth is you can't convince someone to be a Father, or at least not a good one. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. If you don't feel like you are capable of being a parent the best thing you can do is wait until your feelings change or remain child free by choice.

There are many other adults who feel the same way you do. There is nothing selfish about it, it's much more selfish to become a parent when you know you aren't ready or feel compelled to be one. Don't feel guilty for your feelings.

http://www.childfreebychoice.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

Answer 7

My husband never wanted children. I fell pregnant accidently and he convinced himself that this was a good thing. I have to say he's done really well, adores his little girls.
I had complications after my daughter's birth and he wasn't in the room when she was actually born. They handed him to her and he carried her across the room and I swear, as I looked, he fell in love with her. The emotion was tangible. It was almost as though she absorbed him. It was very intense.
I insisted that I didn't want her to be an only child (I have two much older boys from an earlier marriage) and he told me he couldn't imagine loving a child as much as he loved our daughter. We had another little girl, whom he adores just as much. A couple of weeks ago he told me he wished he hadn't had that attitude and that he wonders how many more children he could have loved (a bit roundabout way of saying he's glad he had his daughters.)
The one is a teenager now - sometimes stroppy. The younger is a delight still.
This is your own decision - my uncle never wanted children and although he loved the two he had, he was always quite distant. Nothing prepares you for the love you feel. Or the responsibility. It's a joy mostly.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to bring a child into the world. It doesn't make you a child-hater. If you don't want a child and know you will never change your mind, get fixed. And don't ever let anyone tell you there is something wrong with you because you feel that way. The worse thing you could ever do is get a girl pregnant and not want the baby.

Answer 9

There is a feeling,an emotion......something that father's who love and care for their children cannot express nor ever explain.You would just have to be there to know what it feels like, to create life and then look it in the face the day it greets this world for the very first time.Especially knowing that you are one of the first faces it sees....and that little bundle of red scawling cuteness.............came from you and it made it here...because of you.
It's like having alittle mini me.lol

If you do not want children, then be careful not to make that mistake,because if you do and don't get that life changing,indescribable feeling...it wont just be your life that you screwed up...it will also be a tiny little someone else's as well.

Answer 10

That's a one sided view they're offering you.

It's funny how they don't tell you how much kiddie vaccinations cost, how their food budget has changed, how they can never find a sitter who doesn't have a criminal record, how draining it is to look after a toddler...

Not everyone needs to be procreating and not everyone makes a good parent. And having children as part of fulfilling the 'American Dream' is no longer the American dream.

Sometimes, achieving your own goals is the true American Dream.