Hi everyone i'm here because i don't know where else to look for someone can talk and hoping to hear some advise about my problems with my marriages. to everyone who doesn't know me, i'm 23 years old and i have 1 year old daughter, and i'm married for 2 years now before i get married my partnet and i are live in for 2years then we desided to get married. My problem is my husband is cheating on me, i know it because at first when i was pregnant i saw some text from some girls to hes cellphone and and after that i catch him with some other girl walking in the Street, and now our baby is already one year old, i saw 3 of hes video having sex, the other 2 is all one girl but the other one is 3some. i even talk to him about it but he told me that hes not capable of making me happy imotionally.. hes american and im Filipina from philippines. i dont believe in devorce, because we dont have that in philippines and im thinking of my daughter's future i dont want her growing up with no father.
2007-01-08 16:38:16 · 25 answers · asked by Camille 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to end this...Your teaching your daughter that this is acceptable behavior and its not...Tell him either he stops or he can leave. He will have to give you child support and alimony...
2007-01-08 17:09:48 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When he says he is "not capable of making (you) happy emotionally", is he referring specifically to the accusation/fact that he gets his sex fix from multiple sources or is he just saying that as a vague answer to whatever comes up? I am not even sure it matters much, though. When someone says they "are not capable", I think that they intend for that to get themselves openly and unequivocally "off the hook" forever. In other words, "this is how it is; take it or leave it".
You want to stay because of your cultural/religious views and for your daughter's sake. You want to leave because you can foresee a miserable future if you stay. Both views are true. Now you need to poke all the holes you can in those arguments. That is, is that really what my religion says? (or your culture). Is it possible that legal separation is acceptable? Is it really better for my daughter if we stay? If living in a healthy intact household is not going to happen, then do you live in a conflicted household or separate? As to "growing up with no father", that certainly should not depend upon everyone living together under the same roof.
On the other hand, is it really true that you would be more miserable if you stay? For some people (obviously not your husband, though) remaining absolutely true to the marriage vows is crucial to their moral and emotional health.
Money, too, is a factor which will probably become a problem if you separate and he does not help to support his child.
Sooooo --- no one can really tell you what you should do, because every family is unique, and only you can weigh all your factors.
But it seems that for now, you need to be preparing for the future, whatever it is. You should look into gathering current information about marriage conflict, divorce and single parenting. You need to increase your earning power and ability to be independent. All of this will be very helpful no matter which path you take. Best of luck.
2007-01-08 17:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about that, but you can't really be happy can you? You are so young, to be going through this for the rest of your life. If you don;t leave him, he'll probably leave you anyway if it's that bad. Take the out early on in your daughters life. She'll have a father, but it takes a real genuine man to be a little girls daddy. It doesn't sound like he's that good to be genuine. Take the tapes as evidence and call an attorney. Trust me, it will be hard at first, but I'm sure you can find the strength to provide a life for you and your daughter, besides, you are her role model, show her a woman does not have to be treated like that and deserves a man that can and will be true to her. Don't settle for anything less than true happiness.
2007-01-08 16:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by Chris M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Do you think you could forgive him? If so, do you think he will quit? If he doesn't, can you live iwth the fact that he continues to live this lifestyle?
I commend you for not accepting divorce, but sometimes guys never commit. If you can forgive him and he quits, then OK. If you can forgive him and he doesn't quit, now you have to decide if you want that around your child.
In any case, you should confront him. Try to make this on a night the baby isn't there. This is an adult conversation.
1. Let him know how you feel about him.
2. Ask him how he feels about you. Look into his eyes and be sure.
3. Discuss the issue. Let him know how you feel about knowing he does this.
4. Discuss him stopping. Let him know you can please him as much as they ever could, because you have the emotional factor.
5. Discuss connectiong to discuss how it's going periodically.
6. Reaffirm how you feel about him. If the mood gets right, make a video of your own.
2007-01-08 16:51:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well dear sometimes we have to break our religious beliefs to be also happy. In American we do have divorce courts. Who ever or where ever you are from you deserve to be happy. I know its a hard decision, but noone can make that for you. You have to be the one to do something about it. Remember if you were to get a divorce, doesn't mean the child cant be a part of his/her fathers life. You don't divorce the children just each other. You can both have your own separate lives and still be parents.. Good Luck :)
2007-01-08 16:46:47 · answer #5 · answered by Hi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maam, I know that you probably think you love him, but in this case I would at least seperate from him. If he is having threesomes he could contact a disease. If you got a disease from his foolishness, who would take care of your daughter then? I think you should at the least seperate from him until he agrees to see a marriage counselor with you and later to be faithful to you. This is what he agreed to when he married you- to love and cherish and be faithful to you. I would hold him to it. If he won't consent- then for your daughters sake you have to find the courage to make him leave. Pack his bags and leave them outside and change the lock. This is called tough love. Tell him you love him and want to work it out with him when he agrees to certain terms. Make sure one of those terms is to see a counselor. There is no way he can remain faithful on his own. He needs help. I will be praying for you. I am sorry things worked out this way. Humans can be very cruel and evil- even those we trust and believe in. The God of the Christian faith can help you though. He is the one true God and has the power to restore relationships. Look to him for guidance and to the Bible. He can bring another wonderful man into your life to be your daughter's father- or he can change your husband.
2007-01-08 16:49:07 · answer #6 · answered by myjumpman42 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a tough situation, being that you don't believe in divorce. I do however find it ironic that you mention your daughters future, I mean your willing to stay with someone so that she has a father but not willing to leave so that she doesnt grow up thinking that it is ok for her mother to be cheated on and disrespected. what kind of role model is that? i think better to raise her alone and see that she should have self respect like u did, rather than see that your afraid to do it alone. good luck either way, its a messed up situation
2007-01-08 17:31:22 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to be treated in such a manner. He's not capable of making himself happy emotionally, let alone you. He is not mature enough, and you deserve better. The US allows divorce; take advantage of it. Cheating is cheating is cheating. Do away with him- don't "accept it." Your daughter will be better off with no father then a having him around knowing his love and affection isn't for you and her. You be the father and the mother.
2007-01-08 16:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you a Filipino, thinking about your daughter is definitely the right thing to do. If your husband is cheating on you, then he doesn't respect you. IF you can support yourself financially or go to someone to help you, then divorce him. He's not making an effort to want to be part of your life, I sure wouldn't want him to treat my daughter the same.
2007-01-08 16:44:57 · answer #9 · answered by Clay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not in the Philippines. I am Filipino too. I would rather raise my child on my own than with a father that cheats on me. By staying in your marriage, you are teaching your child that her father's behavior is acceptable. You and your child are worth more than that.
Find someone else and be happy. Your husband doesn't love you and your child if he is flaunting around with other people behind your back. He doesn't respect you enough.
2007-01-08 16:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by oh what a wonderful world... 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
so you are willing to live with a man who cheats on you , and doesn't even care that you know, as well as blames you. Lady this man is a user, he is not ever going to change, and as for divorce, well if you do not believe in it do you believe in him abandoning you and the baby, because he will also he is no doubt making other babies as well and all the moms are going to be after him for support. so if you don't believe in divorce you had better find friends and family that will support you as this man is a loser
2007-01-08 16:46:24 · answer #11 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋