I am 19. I have a 28 y/o sister. She lives at home, works, but doesn't help us around the house or show us any respect. Whenever we try to tell her to clean up after herself or to stop being lazy, she screams at us at the top of her lungs. My dad is emotionally unavailable and doesn't do anything to discipline her. She is a grown woman yet she behaves like a baby. I have taken the peacemaker role in my family and try to keep the peace between my mother and sister and between my mother and father. My sister is rude and tries to manipulate me into not helping my mother. She says I act like my mother's adjoined twin because I never leave her side. Well, what am I to do when I have a sister who calls my mother a ***** and threatens her? My mother is innocent and always worried about my sister. How can I cope with this immature sister of mine? I have put my childhood on hold to "babysit" her since I was small. Her life is going down the drain & we're all woried even though she mistreats us.
2007-01-08 16:20:09 · 10 answers · asked by ultra _ girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This call for help is truely a difficult one but I know where you are coming from, not from my sisters or brothers but from my cousins.
I have always been the mediater in the family eventhough I am younger than most, are you two the only two? well in such a case, which is very sad, your older sister has this thing about you being born and all the attention is driven toward you, so she thinks.
You should not have to carry the world on your shoulder alone by protecting your mom or even sitting with your sister but I applaud you for your selfless acts, You have much love for your family not just your sister and that is where the pain really hits hard on you, You are what I call "A Protecting Friend" but sweet heart, you can only do so much!
Keep helping your mother, aswell as your sister, and if dad can't come to terms with whats going on by helping you, due to his emotions, not out of disrespect but out of concern pull him to the side with a soft spoken word " Daddy, we need your help desperately!!
Hold him! and tell him again, and say these words as I've spoken to my family " Pull yourself together and be a man, not just my father!! say it with true conviction. The words I had spoken was to my aunt, Her youngest of daughters cussed at her, threatened her, Her eldest sisters did the same. her father let it happen because he did'nt want the youngest to feel as though he was taking sides. everything in life comes full circle and if ever your sister have children, it will bite her, and hard it will.
Keep doing what you feel is right yet remembering that you only live once, God is pleased with you, now it's your turn to be pleased with yourself. Remember Jesus spoken word : Spare The Rod Spoil The Child: Your sister do indeed need the rod and sometimes in life (HE) will give "you" young lady the rod to use on your sister just to bring her back to reality.
2007-01-08 17:03:45 · answer #1 · answered by DJenks64 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a lot like my sister. Same thing; she insults my Mom and puts her down,... but when she has a nervous breakdown (it's what we call it- because it sounds better), she depends on my Mom making her survive and get through it. Maybe your sister is also having some kind of mental illness. My sis abuses everyone verbally- except me... she could never do to me what she has done to my other siblings and our mom. When we were young relatives would make us fight physically like at a chicken fight... and she could never dominate me verbally or physically. I too have always been the peacemaker in our family. The last time I interfered was when she verbally abused our younger sister two days prior to her wedding. All of us live in different continents, but we all reunited for the wedding... prior to it I urged her to make sure not to upset anyone- most of all not the bride- our youngest sis. She managed to do it anyway. She has been institutionalized three times already though (starting at age 24),... this might be something that your sis will have to undergo in the future, too. Have her see a psychologist or psychiatrist... but I don't think she will agree to it. Maybe like my sis- the day will come when she has to be admitted to a mental hospital. Your sis doesn't sound normal- just like my sis. I'm glad I don't have to deal with her (I did though for about 17 years)- I do feel sorry for her kids and husband- even her in-laws I heard are being terrorized by her.
2007-01-09 00:47:53 · answer #2 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out. It's your parents who are allowing this behaviour. You can't do a thing about it. You can only lead by example and act right and treat your parents with respect. It's not your place to fix their disfunction. You should get out of there before it rubs off on you any more. And who cares what your sister says. She's a very unhappy person and she needs to be responsible for herself. She kind of sounds like she's either on drugs, or mentally ill.
Additionally,you and your family need to get some serious therapy. You can find cheap or free therapy through school or social services. Maybe if you start going first, you can invite your parents to come to a session. Tell your parents it's for you, not that you're trying to "fix" them. They'll probably want to help you.
Everyone needs to stop enabling your sister to wreck everyone's lives.
2007-01-09 00:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by cather2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a grand parent who could possibly intervene? This is terrible. It can't be healthy for either you or your mom. Could you talk to any friends of hers? Possibly make her get out and grow-up? Sounds like she has been allowed be behave like this to long. Has she been checked by any counselors to assist? She might have a medical mental condition that is going on. I think I would also a Dr's side of view as well. God Bless you both.
2007-01-09 00:30:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is not innocent. Between her and your father, they have allowed your sister to grow into the monster she has become by their overly permissive "parenting". Try talking to your parents one more time, tell them that you can't take your sister's imbecilic behaviour anymore, and that unless your parents take a stand, you will move out. Maybe the threat of losing their only "good" kid will light the fire under your parents that they need to pull the finger out and stop enabling your sister.
2007-01-09 00:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As much as you might want to, you can't solve all your families problems. My advice would be to tell you to concentrate on the things you can change and leave the rest to your parents. Time will solve the problems for better or for worse.
2007-01-09 00:26:38 · answer #6 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to not react to the mean part of your sister.............Just tell her about the one nice thing she does to clean up.............You know I think your sister is jealous of you and your mom's relationship and is doing a lot to just cause trouble in the family ...................and that way she does get the attention she wants even if it is from being bad..............Tell her about the good she does.............when she feels part of the family it will stop
2007-01-09 00:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by ginny3282 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom should have threw her out years ago. I think it is about time mabbe for you to move out and get out of this messed up situation, you cannot carry this burden and enough of being a peacemaker, unless you carry a badge, enjoy life, have some fun you deserve it.
2007-01-09 00:51:46 · answer #8 · answered by sidekick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is time for her to leave home, and if you can get your parents to agree give her the boot. there is no need for her to be in that home to abuse every one there, and it is because your parents haven't done any thing about it she thinks she can do as she wants
2007-01-09 00:28:10 · answer #9 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to Dr Phil
2007-01-09 00:45:58 · answer #10 · answered by Ben S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋