Help, should you send a scolding letter to a person if they don't send a thank you note for a gift?

Question

My friend just graduated from LPN school! She received a gift from her aunt. Now you must understand she spent a year studying and getting up early for school, no job, just school. For a graduation/Christmas gift her parents and brother gave her a two week trip to Disney Land in FL. She left two days after graduation and reciving the gift from her aunt. When she came back from her trip, she was confronted with a not so nice note from her aunt in her stack of bills, christmas cards and monthly junk mail. What is the proper etiquette for this? Should she be offended and hurt or should she just send a thank you note asap? She wants to just send the gift back with a thank you note stating thanks but no thanks! Please if any one has any thing to enlightin us, please let us know. Thanks

Answer 1

The aunt was extremely out of line. In my experience, though, two wrongs in this sort of situation certainly won't make a right. I think your friend should write a very nice thank you note--and mention in it the long trip. She shouldn't apologize for her delay in writing, nor should she mention the rude note from the aunt. She should say thank you for the gift, briefly describe her lovely trip, and leave it at that. It is my experience that, with some people, being the bigger person is the best sort of revenge. If she truly doesn't want the gift, she can give it to a charity or to a friend who could use it.

Answer 2

Your friends aunt was being very rude. Every gift, OF COURSE, should be acknowledged with a thank you note, BUT, the gift recipient also has to be given reasonable time to do so! I would start to wonder if my gift was received after a few months. I would never send a scathing note about it though! The most I would ever do is inquire politely if perhaps my gift got lost in the mail. Then you would know if the person ever actually got the gift. The Aunt was out of line, but your friend should still send a note. Maybe saying something along the lines of:

Dear Aunt Mary,

Thank you very much for the 5 dollars. I do apologize for not acknowledging your generous gift sooner, as I was away for 2 weeks.

Sometimes you just have ot swallow your pride and say Thank You even when the gift was obviously not given without expecting an immediate response.

Answer 3

Her aunt is obviously the kind of person that gives something expecting something in return. A true gift comes with no strings attached. If you need the thank you note, you should not be giving gifts.

As for the proper etiquette, she should send a letter apologizing for getting back to her aunt so soon, stating how busy she was (giving plenty of details) and thank you for the gift. Don't mention or acknowledge the nasty gram. Auntie may not have realized everything that has been going on lately, and will most likely lighten up when she realizes she wasn't forgotten.

Answer 4

I think that she should send her aunt a note telling her how thoughtful the gift was, and unfortunately she has not had a moment to sit down and write out her thank yous. Of course, this is only if it's only been 2 weeks & a few days since her graduation. If it's been over 3 weeks I can see where the aunt is annoyed. She's had plenty of time to write her thank yous. Busy schedule aside, she's an adult & it's only right to properly thank someone for a gift.

Answer 5

I would send it back saying,' I did not realize that you only gave it to get a Thank you out of it. I am sorry that I have been so busy that I have not had the time to send a thank you note. Since that is what you wanted I feel I must return the gift. In the future please do not send any more gifts expecting a thank you note as I might be busy and that would just cause confusion again.' And the aunt was totally out of line.

Answer 6

What would be the consequences of her actually sending the gift back? It's probably not worth the drama it would cause.

I'd probably send a not-exactly-thank you note. In my mind, a thank you note is a form note that doesn't address anything other than the gift. In this case, I'd send a note that says, "Thank you for the I like it I would have written sooner but I was busy with graduation and preparing for my trip to Disney Land. I got your note when I got back. I hope you understand my tardiness. Thanks again for the gift; it was lovely."

Going for the conciliatory tone without an actual apology or acceptance of blame there. Acknowledging the note without lashing out. Play with it.

Answer 7

It was in very poor taste for the aunt to send a nasty letter. A gift is given in love and congratulations. Maybe the aunt was looking more for recognition. Maybe it was an ego thing.

Your friend should keep the gift and send a thank you note, because, well, the aunt may of had good intentions when she sent the gift. Sending it back may cause her to be more offended and cause family strain.

Answer 8

It is definitely inappropriate of the aunt to have sent a letter scolding her for not sending a thank-you note. Nobody should give a gift for the thanks. However, in this situation, I'm not sure that your friend will want to aggravate her relationship with her aunt, and indirectly, other members of the family who could hear about it. I think your friend should send a note along these lines:

"Dear Auntie ,
Please forgive the delay in sending this thank-you note. I left on my vacation almost immediately after graduation and didn't get out my thanks before then. However, I am indeed grateful for the and look forward to using it in the future. I appreciate your thinking of me.

Love,
"

It's just not worth it to get angry at family. It can last so long.

Answer 9

I would send the gift back... but really this is her aunt and she has to respect that so she should be the bigger person here and keep the peace by sending an apology for being so overwhelmed with everything that she let it slip her mind to send out a Thank You note. It is rare that I get or give thank you notes.

Answer 10

That was totally unreasonable of her aunt. However, did her aunt realize that she was gone for two weeks? If not, then your friend should just call her aunt and explain to her that she hadn't sent out any thank yous yet, as she had been out of town for all but two days since her graduation. Tell her to explain to her aunt that her actions were not the result of a lack of appreciation, but rather time constraints.

That's my "reasonable" opinion. My personal opinion is that I get really ticked at people who "demand" thank you notes. Personally, I don't give gifts to people just because I want recognition, I do it because I care, and, to be really honest, I don't even usually realize that I haven't received a thank you note. I don't hold onto them when I get them, and I don't keep track of how long it takes someone to get one to me. Also, if she thanked her aunt in person (I don't know if the gift was mailed or she gave it to her in person) she shouldn't have to send a thank you note.