When parents go through a divorce, why do some parents blame their kids?

Answer 1

They should never blame their kids. Some people that get into fights would rather not take responsibility for themselves and would rather pass the blame. Blaming kids for fights between spouses and blaming them for divorce should be the same as child abuse, its verbal abuse and can really screw kids up. Those parents are adults and whatever reason for divorce it because of their own mistakes and wrong doing. They tend to think about the relationship back before kids and wish that it was that way again, and physiologically convince themselves that the problems started after the kids arrived. Kids do add stress to a relationship, but if a marriage falls apart, its the grown ups that let it happen.

Answer 2

Any parent who blames their child for a divorce is not a very good parent. But children do need to realize, most arguments parents have are over money or how to raise the kids. That doesn't make it the kids fault though. And teenagers can cause huge fights between parents if the teen is completely out-of-control because the parents usually don't know what to do so they start blaming each other for the way the kid is acting. But again, the parents need to find common ground and get through it. Kids need to realize, parents are human and they get their feelings hurt and a lot of times they make huge mistakes while raising their kids. Kids do not come with an instruction book and although parents want the kids to think they know everything, most of the time they are wingin' it. But, in closing, if you're just acting like a normal kid, and your parents are getting a divorce, it isn't your fault and they shouldn't blame you because they couldn't work things out.

Answer 3

As a divorced mother of two, I can see how parents can blame their kids for causing the separation. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and would never tell them they were the cause of my divorce, but there were issues surrounding the children that didn't help keep us together. My ex husband and I had one child who was a colicky baby keeping us up nights when we both had to work the next day (of course I see myself as being the one who was up most of the time while my ex slept). We also didn't find anyone to take the baby so we could get away and do things to keep our relationship going (again I stayed home because I felt guilty that neither one of us could have any fun). Then when our first child started daycare, he was sick all the time for about a year (I stayed home with him when he was sick). So, when we were approaching the end of our marriage, I got pregnant again and my ex wanted me to have an abortion. Well, why was I going to stay in the marriage and look at my ex every day knowing that he had me get an abortion. I figured I had basically raised the first one on my own, I might as well be a single mom and have two kids. There were other issues in our near 10 year marriage that brought about its demise, but I can see how the children were a contributing factor. I would hope that no parent verbally blames their child(ren) when they get divorced because I would consider that to be abuse. There are usually many factors, mostly belonging to the parents, that cause a marriage to end.

Answer 4

When you are young you don't understand adult issues until you have either been through it or grow up, be mature and understand why. All things are not plain to see. Most parents don't reveal the reasons to protect their children. Sometimes it is for the best. Sometimes it can be for selfish reasons. Once parents split up things will be tough for a while. Everyone suffers when there is a divorce. Children suffer the most. All we can do as parents is take the best care that we know how of our children. Being a good parent is HARD work.

Answer 5

This is not about blaming kids. Parents always use the kids as an excuse or put them in the middle of there problems. This is not right and they sometimes are so angry at each other they will say and act in ways they should not. You should never accept blame for there actions. Let them ride it out and do not take any of what you assume they say as your fault. They need ammunition and you happen to be in the picture. Take Care.

Answer 6

Those parents who do what you've described are poor excuses for adults and role models. Period. Children are innocent, until we victimize and scar them with such nonsense. I know it's common for kids to blame themselves, but I've yet to hear any parent suggest that their child was to "blame".....and I hope I never do.

I think the child/ren are more likely to be the parent/s motivation to leave a dysfunctional and irreparable marriage. Thus giving the child a better chance at happiness and health, in it's many forms. I hope this is the thinking in the majority of cases, it's too sad to think otherwise.

Answer 7

It's easier to blame others then to blame yourself. Although the kids have nothing to do with the divorce the parent don't want the blame to be put on them so they blame the innocent party.

Answer 8

I have actually witnessed two divorces that children had a big part in.
1. daddy's little girl could do no wrong, and played up for her mum really badly, then when her dad came home she was an angel, the mum spoke to the dad about the situation all the time, he did love the mum but after 15years it was just to much and they separated.
2.the father was a big mouth and belittled the mum, the children learnt how to do this also and as time went by she could no longer take it.
It was always up to the adults to deal with the problems and to talk to each other but sometimes circumstances are not easy. If this question is about you have a look at what is being said about the kids(you) did you play any part? and you cant take back the past but you can correct the future.

Answer 9

I have never know parents to blame the kids

Answer 10

Any adult who blames their child for their divorce is not being honest with themself. Even a "problem child" doesn't cause a divorce, the parent's inability or unwillingness to deal with the situation is more at issue. Blaming a child for a divorce is extraordinarily cruel to the child, and does irreparable damage to the child's self esteem, not to mention the parent-child relationship.