How long should I let a 1 year old cry himself to sleep?

Question

He's normally a good sleeper. He's not in pain. No gas. Not sick, etc. He doesn't have a wet diaper. Doesn't want a bottle. Doesn't want to be held. If I pick him up and stick him in front of the TV, he's bouncing and laughing.

We have a normal betime routine. A story or two. He has a bottle. We rock him for about 5 minutes and he's out like a light by 7:30. Sometimes he'll wake up when we put him in his crib so, we'll hang out in his room for another few minutes. If he does start crying, it's never been for more than about 10 minutes.

tonight he's just nuts. I took him out in front of the TV to make sure he wasn't in pain. Laughing, bouncin, and smiling proved that one. I wouldn't normally sick him in front of the TV.

As far as putting his crib in my room .... are you serious? He's 1. He was sleeping fine in his own bed in his own room at about 3 weeks. The same with his older brother. How do I explain to his 3 year old brother why his younger brother get to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room?

Wow CASSANDRA, I guess you didn't notice in my original question that he's usually a good sleeper. I'm sure that one night of crying will turn him into a serial killer. I've seen your "answers" to other parenting questions around here. Seems like YOU are the only parent that can do things right. It also seems like you have a stock answer for everything that you just cut and paste. "More than ten hours of separation a week from mommy is devastating to a child under 3 years old ..." you get the picture. I'm guessing that you don't actually have kids.

Leeah, great advice. We usually try to put him in awake so he learns to sooth himself. And, I know it's a no no but, he does have a small stuffed animal in there with him. He's a thumb sucker so I know that's always in there .... i didn't actually check but, i'm sure it is.

Well, he's asleep now. He cried on and off for almost two hours ...ugh. We were in and out of his room almost a dozen times. I think his longest strech crying alone was about 25 minutes. I know some (at least one anyway) think I've now ruined his life. It was a tantrum and nothing more. He was exausted but, he wanted to stay up.

CANDYYY Thank you for your answer. It was just a one night thing. Thank you for calling me a wonderful mother but, I'm a father. Not that I haven't been called a "Mother" before :)

Answer 1

If your child is crying, your job as a parent is to try to comfort him. Please don't leave him to cry himself to sleep. It sounds like maybe he's not tired yet?

Answer 2

Maybe he's teething? if not, sometimes babies do that, but I know you may not want to hear this, maybe you should stop rocking him to sleep? I don't meen stop rocking him, just make sure he's still awake when you put him in his crib. I don't think its a good idea to let him cry for too long, but if he's just fussing, and he knows your gonna come back in and rock him, or get him out, then he's gonna keep it up because he's got you. I suggest putting him to bed before he falls asleep, and staying in his room for a little while, tell him you love him, and leave, and after 5 minutes of crying, go back in, DONT pick him up, but put him back down if he's standing, kiss him, tell him you love him, but its bed time. keep doing that, and every night it will get easier and easier, less and less crying. Its hard, I had to do it with both my boys, but one is 4, and one is 1, and they are both sleeping through the night, and go to bed well now. Good Luck, maybe you could also try putting a favourite toy in with him? stuffed animal?

Answer 3

He doesn't sound tired.

Hope tonight goes better for you. However I find sometimes they go through days in a row when they don't really sleep. Unless it is completely disrupting your sleep I would just try to go through the normal bedtime and if he doesn't sleep just bring him back out. Let him do whatever he normally does in the evening. Then try again in 60-90 minutes with the bedtime routine.

Also you could try a dose of tylenol. TV can destract enough from pain that they feel fine, wheras lying in bed it bugs them. I hate drugging my baby but sometimes nothing seems to be "wrong" but nothing is working either. Eventually I cave in. Sometimes the tylenol works, sometimes not. But at least then I am more sure it isn't pain.

Answer 4

I am sorry you recieved such a smart *** answer from Cassandra. My advice to you (and I do not have children, however, I have been a nanny for years) is to let him work it out. Unless he is in pain, or sick you should not "run" to your child everytime he cries. In my opinion, this only teaches them if they cry, they will get what they want. If a stuffed animal makes him feel better, then let him have it. Children are smarter than most adults give them credit for. Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself!! I think the decision you made was a fine one. Like I said, unless he is sick, in pain or hungry, then let him sooth himself. Eventually he will become sufficient in quieting himself and going to sleep. They can be little boogers if they aren't getting what they want!!!! LOL If he has another night like this one, and you cannot resist going to check on him, go into his room (do not turn on lights) and just lay him back down, say goodnight and walk out. Picking him up might make him think he is getting out of bed!! You sound like a wonderful mother, and I wish you the best!!

Answer 5

Thats the best thing you can do for them is give them a bedtime routine and put him in bed and walk away, he is smart and knows that if he cries you will come back in, he's testing you, if you walk away from him knowing nothing is wrong with him, then its fine. He shouldnt even need rocked just put him in bed drowsy and leave him, he will realize your not coming back and give up. Your not a bad parent for letting him cry it out, trust me it's a good thing to have him sleep good, its well worth it.

Answer 6

I also have a one year old and he does the same thing, lol. I normally let mine cry about 5-10 minutes and if that doesnt do anything and he is still crying i pick him up and walk around with him. If that doesnt work I try everything you named and then put him back in the crib for another try. If worse comes to it and hes still crying give him a bath infants love it and it makes them sleepy. Good luck!

Answer 7

Let him cry no more than 5-10 mins before you go in the room. Don't pick him up just let him know that you're there and it is ok. Just keep doing it until he falls asleep. After a couple of days he should be back on schedule with his sleep. He is probably going through separation anxiety which starts around his age, they think if they don't see you then you must be gone and so they cry. My daughter also did this with me, even if I was just in the bathroom she would start banging on the door crying and calling my name. It is normal and if you keep going back every few minutes then it will reassure him that you haven't left. But if you pick him up he will know that crying is working to get out of bed, so just let him be and he will get over it soon. His crying is harder on you than him.

Answer 8

My son did this around the age of 1. Did he recently start walking? Some new walkers get restless around bedtime. They don't want to be in a crib and would rather be running around. I used to take my son out of his crib (after letting him cry for 5 minutes) and let him run around for about 20-30 minutes. Then I would put him in his crib happy and tired. Good luck

By the way, I don't blame you for not wanting to let your son sleep with you. Talk about starting another set of problems. Good for you for sticking to your guns.

Answer 9

Get a bedtime routine going. Take a bath, read a book, cuddle, then put him to bed! I think i've heard not to let babies cry longer than 15 minutes.

Answer 10

hes testing you. I think most parents have been through that.
DO NOT put him infront of the tv.. I did that with my son and its so hard to get them out of the habit.
The best advice my mum ever gave me was "a baby will never die from crying!"
Try controlled crying, and set a routine and stick to it (bath, book, cuddle, SLEEP!)
Just remember, you cant expect him to go from running around crazy, and then go straight to sleep. They need time to calm down.
Maybe try Johnsons bedtime bath... it has lavender in it and helps relax them (I still use it for my 6 & 3 year old).. and it smells great!

Good Luck!

Answer 11

TV is not a good habit to get them started on. My daugther who is now 20 months had colic so she cried a lot. It is my belief that crying there self to sleep will not hurt them. I could not hold her 24/7. Try reading a book, a warm bath, play some music, of course through out the day get them to play so much that they sleepy. In fact just last night my daughter scared me because it was 7pm and she was in her room crying I thought something was wrong so I ran through the house to check on her and all that was wrong is she was trying to climb into bed because she was ready to go nite nite.