parents treat me like a retarded child?

Question

I'm 18 years old, I have a part time job, I've made straight A's since I was in 6th grade, I've been accepted into a fairly selective private university that has offered me a $60,000 scholarship, I've never done anything illegal in my life, never gotten a ticket, never even had a detention before -- and my parents are treating me like I'm an irresonsible little kid. I go out and do things with friends and get back late at night sometimes and they are going to "punish me" because they "never know where I am." This is ridiculous. I have a cell phone and they never call it and ask where I am. I would be happy to tell them, but I usually don't know exactly where I'm going when I leave the house. It's not like I'm out getting pregnant or doing anything they would disapprove of. They simply refuse to trust me, when I have given them no reason not to. I'm so frustrated I'm on the verge of moving out and living in my car. How can I make them cut me some slack and give me some room?

The thing is, I would happily call them if I was going to be out after a certain time - however, my mom typically goes to bed around 9pm and my dad before 11pm. If I call them after they're in bed, they get upset. However, they never give me a curfew or ask where I am. They simply look for things to get mad at me about. And it isn't because they care - I'm not just being a whiny disrespectful little kid. They don't even like me as a person, they just feel like having kids is a necessary part of being a successful individual and I am their prized possession. They don't treat me like a person, they treat me like an object. I am to be on display when they want to brag about me and otherwise they don't care what I'm doing, as long as I'm not making them look bad (clearly they think my being out with friends at night makes them look bad).

Answer 1

Sit down and talk to them

Answer 2

Sorry to hear that! If I were in your shoes, I would probably ignore them, just like they ignore you and move on with my life. I would realize my potential for college and move on, hang out with my friends and live in the same house as they only until it was time for me to move into a college dormatory or an apartment.

I can't tell you what to do, only you know whats best. But that is what I would probably end up doing after all efforts to reach for the love and support of my parents were futile.

As a parent and a father, I know that the love that parents have is extremely strong. I will love my children no matter what they do. There isn't anything my sons could do that would change my mind about them. Your parents feel that way too, I'm sure of it. Their priorities have been altered by whatever it is that they do. Learn from the example or try to understand. Just don't hate them.

Answer 3

Don't overreact. It is not necessarily that they don't trust you, but they probably do worry about you - don't you read the papers or watch the news?

How about a compromise to begin with. If you are going to be out after a certain time, then call them and let them know that you are O.K. and that you will be home by XX or shortly after. You aren't asking their permission, you are simply giving them a courtesy call so they don't worry. There is a HUGE difference between the two. If they think you are going to be home for dinner and you hook up with some friends and aren't going to be there - give them a call and let them know. It is a matter of common courtesy. Seriously, would you honestly rather that they call you while you are out with friends? Ha!

Ultimately, If you are living under their roof and they are paying the bills, then they get to make the rules.

Answer 4

You can't. You have two choices.

1. Stay at home and suck it up. My husband's mom still treats him like that and he's 35. Your parents could change, but I doubt it since you sound like a model kid.

2. Get a job and get out of their house. This options gives you the most freedom, but is hard on the pocket book. I assume you are going to college in the fall; that's only a few months away, you can probably hang on until then.

Good luck

Answer 5

Okay, since your a girl your parents will instictively try to protect you. They fear the worst when you are out late and think you are kidnapped, at a bad party, club, they think the worst even though they have no reason too. You are their little girl and they dont want you to get hurt. They are trying to protect you. I suggest the following:

1. Since you stated that sometimes you dont know exactly where you're going and you have a cell phone, why not tell them that you will call them once you arrive at your destination and tell them where you're at and how long you plan to stay and who you are with. This will ease their worries and they wont have to punish you for being home later than they hoped you would be home since you already told them when you would be coming back.

2. Try to make a plan with your buddies/friends before you go to hang out. This way you can tell your parents where you're going and how long you will be gone.

3. Have a talk with them and let them know that you arent doing anything bad. Tell them the truth so they wont think the worst of you. Also tell them that you work hard and you prove that by having a job, great scholarship and good grades all the time, and explain to them that you wouldnt do anything bad since you know you have so much going for yourself and your future.This will help ease their worry about you and they will realize that you know the consequences of doing bad things.

4. Just try not to stay out late. Any parent doesnt like it when their kids stay out late. They dont know what is going on, if something happened to their kid ect. Parents worry easily. dont make them worry about you. Try to stay on time and get home at a decent time or call them on your cell phone to let them know you will be out later than you thought. This will keep you out of trouble when you get home.

I really hoped this helped you out. Good luck, i hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 6

Well, I'm going to assume you are still in High School. I have been in your shoes and I know how frustrating it is. The best advice I can give you is to hang in there and move into the dorm when you start college.
Something else you might want to consider doing is when you decide where you are going, call your parents. When you go somewhere else, call your parents. Even if you know they're in bed call and say, "Hey, Jane, Sarah, and I are going to eat then the movies." Or, "Hi, mom, I'm off to mini golf." Either they will love that they know where you are at all times or they will get sick of it and tell you to stop calling all the time.

Answer 7

Tell them. You are 18 and need some freedom that comes along with age. They cannot punish you except to the extent you let them. Calmly tell them that if they don't change THEIR ways, you will find a way to proceed with college and live elsewhere. If you don't mean it then it doesn't mean anything. You have to mean it and be willing to make that change. You have options but it takes more than living for free at home while in college.

Answer 8

Talk the situation over with them and inform them of how you feel. They may not be aware of how their worrying about where you are and what your doing makes you feel. Good thing is that you have caring parents. Negative thing is that perhaps they are still treating you like their 14 year old rather than their 18 year old. Be honest, open and mature when discussing this with them and hopefully you can resolve this with them without moving into your car.

Answer 9

Respect them.....sound silly ....trust me been there done that.
A parent never stops worrying, doesn't matter how old you are and what you are doing.
You live with them and you are staying out and they don't know what you are doing and where you are....so what does your Mother do....waits and wonders....which can truly make a person sick. Lack of sleep, never ending nerves and high concern.
They shouldn't have to call you....out of respect you should call them.
Act your age with maturity and take on some of the responsibilities of your own and trust me they will start treating you like you are 18.

Best wishes and Congrats on that Scholarship!

Answer 10

Do you think that just because you turned 18 they are going to stop loving, caring or worrying about you? Come on, be realistic. You should at least have the decency to call them to let them know where you are. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then maybe you should move out. See who's going to put a roof over your head and feed you. If you think you want to be so grown up, then go ahead and move out. See if it's really better having to pay rent, utilities, food, clothes. All because you are soooooo busy, you don't have a minute to call your parents. Ungrateful!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

One thing you could do is before you go out, tell your parents your plan. Let them know that sometimes the plans change so if they do, you'll call to tell them.

You might even bring a couple friends over just to meet your mom and dad. They will feel more included and more comfortable having met your friends.

Or take your mom and dad out for a drive and then stop by one of your favorite hang-out spots.

Trust me, I'm a mom of teens!

We worry. Even if you don't give us reason, we worry.